Forever Young: Platinum Blond
by Karen and LB
© 2002
Number 19 in the series.
JC watches the sleeping form of his boyfriend. It's been a month since IT happened. The Incident. "The night I practically raped you," Lance had called it once, tearfully. JC had denied it, honestly. He just didn't think of it that way. They had talked and talked since that night. About that night, but about other things too. About events in their lives that had led them there. About their dreams and aspirations. In most ways they were closer than ever. Except one. Since that night they had barely touched each other, except in photo shoots and such. JC missed it. Not just the sex, but the kisses, the hugs, the hand holding. The falling asleep in one another's arms.
Lance awakens suddenly, sensing someone watching him, not wanting to stay in the nightmare he'd been having a minute longer. He rolls over, stretching, and sees JC laying on his side, and smiles. "Hey," he says, before sitting up, yawning, and stepping away from the bed. He's hyper aware he hasn't touched JC, let alone kissed him, since that night. Lance has been deathly afraid of himself, of his emotions. Every time he looks at JC he hears that fearful whimper--the sound that Lance evoked from his lover. And even though they've talked about it Lance still can't bring himself to return to that physical closeness they once had. "We have to be at the studio in an hour for the new choreography."
"Yeah, okay. You want the first shower?" JC sees Lance's expression tighten slightly at the word, but he goes on as if he hadn't, as if everything were normal. "Are we meeting the guys for breakfast, or should I order something?"
"Let's have breakfast with the guys." Lance figures JC will be more comfortable around the other guys, and heads to the bathroom. "I won't be long--catch a few minutes more of sleep."
Instead, JC gets up and opens the drapes, blinking out at the wintry sunshine. By the time Lance comes out of the bathroom, fragrant with shampoo and soap, JC is tossing whatever he thinks he'll need at the studio into a small duffle.
Breakfast is uneventful, and by the time they reach the studio Lance's mind is focused on the new choreography. But as they learn the new steps, Lance watches JC, watches him move, watches his now familiar ability to pick up new steps almost instantaneously and contribute his own moves as well. He yearns to hold that lithe, graceful body, to touch him the way he used to touch him.
"Uh, Lance, you still with us?" Justin's voice, tinged with irritation, breaks his trance.
"Oh. Sorry, yeah." Lance returns to his starting position and waits for the music cue.
When they take a break, Chris pulls JC aside. "C, I'm worried about you two. Are you all right? Did you have a fight?"
"No, not exactly."
"Then what?"
"I--Chris, I can't talk about it. We'll be okay. We're working on it."
"Okay, but if you ever need to talk . . . "
Lance sits on the floor with his back to the mirrored wall, his legs stretched out in front, and takes a long drag from his water bottle. How is he going to fix this? Can he fix this? These questions flood Lance's mind, but before he can answer any of them, the door opens and the last person Lance wants to see right now trundles through the door.
"Hello, boys," Lou Pearlman says with a smirk.
The boys all jump as if they've been caught playing hooky, even though this is their first break after three hours of grueling work. "Hi, Lou," they chorus, dutifully.
"Just wanted to see how the new stuff's coming along. Only a couple more months before we go back home, so you've got to be good." He lets his small eyes flick around the room, settling on Lance. "All of you."
"We will be," Justin says with his best ingratiating smile and an upbeat tone. Lance meets Lou's gaze, then averts his eyes, taking another swig from the bottle.
"We will be if we get to work," Chris chimes in, steering Lou to the door.
"Well, I'd really like to take a look at the new dance steps, if that's okay."
Chris sighs and relents. "Yeah, sure," he says, more than a trace of annoyance in his voice.
Lance pushes down the growing agitation he's been feeling ever since Lou walked in the room, but he knows that Lou's eyes will be primarily focused on him, waiting for him to mess up. As he rises from the floor, he takes a deep breath and goes over the steps in his head, but when his eyes flash to the mirror, he catches JC's gaze.
JC smiles ruefully and rolls his eyes in Lou's direction. As they move into their starting positions, JC manages to whisper. "You're doing great. Show him."
Lance feels a warmth spread through him at JC's words. If there's anyone he wants to please, it's his boyfriend. So that's what Lance does. When the music starts, he dances for JC. By the time the song ends, he almost forgets Lou is in the room. Almost.
"Very good. VERY good." The guys look pleased at the praise, except for Joey, who looks sheepish because he'd messed up in a couple of places and missed a combination he could normally do in his sleep. Lou's restless eyes move again from boy to boy, pausing on Joey, but stopping on Lance. "You better get working on some of those . . . loose ends. We need everything tight by April." Lou raises his bulk out of his chair. "I'll be at the show tonight. Make me proud."
Lance's chest tightens as Lou leaves the room.
"Hey, I don't know about the rest of you, but I could use something to eat?"
"Geez, Joey, is that all you ever think about?" Chris asks, gathering his stuff.
"No, I think about sex too."
Chris rolls his eyes. "You'd make a good caveman, you know that?"
"Yeah, like I'm the only one who thinks about . . . food? Hey, Lance, c'mon, get your stuff."
"I...I'm gonna stay here and work a little longer. I'll meet up with you later."
"You sure?" Justin asks, concerned.
"Yeah--I'll meet you back at the hotel."
"Lance," JC says quietly under the noise of the guys gathering their stuff. "If you work more now, you're gonna be wiped out for the show." JC wants to show sympathy, offer support, but he knows how prickly Lance can be about such things. So he throws out this practical comment to see where Lance takes it.
For a moment, Lance takes in JC's words. Then he sighs heavily and nods. "You're right. But I don't want to mess this up."
"I know. You're doing great. You really are. But you've gotta save something for the show. So come eat, okay?"
Hearing the genuine concern in JC's voice makes Lance want to throw his arms around him and hug him tight, something he's needed for weeks. But he doesn't. He doesn't want to ruin the moment by scaring off JC, so instead he just nods again. "Okay. And Josh . . . thanks."
JC smiles and gathers up his things, but inside he's sad that Lance feels the need to thank him, to be grateful for simply caring.
In spite of Joey and Justin's attempt at humor throughout dinner, Lance's mind is elsewhere. On the show, on Lou, but mostly on JC. "Excuse me, you are 'N Sync?" The voice startles him out of his trance, and he looks up to see two young girls standing before their table. Joey's the first to speak. Smiling, he replies, "Yes, we are." The girls giggle, and in their broken English, ask, "Um, could we take a picture? Please?" They each hold up a camera, and Joey beams. "Sure!" But because of the way the table is positioned, two of the boys have to move in order to be in the picture. "Hey, Lance, get up," he orders. Lance sees that he has no choice but to stand behind JC. Gingerly, he puts his hands on the back of JC's chair and leans over. He tries his best not to touch the older boy, but when the girls motion for him to get closer he's forced to bend down and put his face right next to JC's.
JC is very much tempted to incline his head so they'll touch. This is the closest he's been to Lance in days--even though they sleep in the same bed, they don't touch, and his whole body cries out for it.
As soon as the girls are satisfied they have enough pictures Lance straightens and returns to his seat. If he stayed that way any longer, he would have ended up kissing JC right there, in front of everyone. Now that would be something for the girls to write in their diaries. Lance shakes his head and puts his attention back on his food. Not long after, they're back at the hotel getting ready for the show. Lance is biting his nails, waiting for JC to be done with the bathroom, wondering how the show is going to play out with Lou in the audience.
JC keeps having to stop shaving. His hands are shaking, and he'd prefer not to slice his lips off or anything. He and Lance really aren't fighting--what he told Chris was true. They're closer than ever in every way, except the physical. JC sighs and manages to finish without any medical emergencies. He gives his hair a final tweak and steps out of the bathroom. "All yours."
As Lance passes JC, he resists the urge to run his hand over JC's freshly shaved face. He always loves when JC shaves--his skin is so smooth, yet still has a trace of that rugged texture. "Thanks." He stops in the doorway. "JC? I...Never mind."
"What, honey?"
"Um, nothing. I...it's gonna be a good show tonight." And then he closes the door and presses his forehead to it. Good one, Lance.
JC watches the door for a long time as if it could tell him what's going on in Lance's mind. He knows Lance feels a lot of guilt about what happened, and no amount of forgiveness seems to be enough to assuage it. With another frustrated sigh, JC finishes getting ready to go to the venue.
They travel in silence, but you wouldn't know it from the way the show plays out. They're full of energy, and the crowd reacts as predicted. The stage is covered with stuffed animals, flowers, and other gifts by the time they finish the last song and rush to the dressing room. As they're toweling off, laughing and playfully wrestling each other, Lou enters, a stern look on his face.
"All right, that's enough," he says, with the tone of an impatient parent. Joey snaps his towel at Chris one more time and flops onto the couch. "I want to see you work on those new songs some more. I can't bring you guys back home like this." His eyes wander from face to face and settle, as predicted, on Lance, who's busy chewing his fingernails.
"Maybe you could explain to us exactly what you think is wrong?" Chris says in the quiet tone that the other boys have learned means he's furious. "We all hit every step of the choreography. Every one of us. Our pitch was perfect and our harmonies were tight. There wasn't an unsatisfied customer in the house tonight. Except one."
"It's gonna take years before you boys get close to perfect. That's the way this business is. I know you're working hard, but I want to see you work harder. Justin and JC have the moves down--but that probably comes from their work on the Mickey Mouse Club. Joey, you're still a little out there, and Lance, well, I think he knows what he has to work on."
Lance cringes, but tries not to show it. No, I'm not gonna let him get to me. Not this time.
JC and Justin both move closer to Lance, as if to shield him.
"Lou," Chris says, still in that quiet, flat tone. "Lance HAS worked hard. He was--sorry, Joey--better than Joey this afternoon. I understand that you want us to be our best, but this isn't the way to do it."
Lou smirks, and folds his arms across his chest. "I know you boys are tired, and I know that I put a lot of pressure on you. And that IS because I want you to be your best. Your BEST. You're not there yet."
Chris starts to speak, but Lance puts a hand on his arm. "We might not be the best yet, Lou, but those fans out there sure don't complain. And it's for THEM we're doing this. If I'm not good enough, then I'll work harder. For them."
Everyone is silent. Finally. Lou speaks. One word. "Good." Then leaves.
JC almost hugs Lance, but stops himself, knowing that Lance hates being babied. His heart almost breaks when he sees Joey hug Lance instead.
Lance rolls his eyes, but hugs Joey back anyway.
"You rock," Joey mumbles against Lance's shoulder.
"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Lance," Chris states. Then he throws his chest out and struts around in imitation of Lou.
Lance can't help but laugh, and Justin doubles over. "Man," he says between breaths, "I wish I had a camera 'cause the look on Lou's face when you said that was priceless."
"It's no big deal guys," Lance huffs as he begins to collect his stuff.
"It IS a big deal," Joey insists. "I think this calls for a night out."
"Geez, it's not like we won a Grammy or anything."
"Hey, Lance, Joey's buying," declares Chris. "That's almost better than a Grammy."
"Whatever." Lance knows it's futile to argue, and if the guys want to go out he's certainly not gonna dampen the mood.
JC turns away and busies himself with getting his stuff together to leave. He doesn't want anyone to see how upset he is. It's like he's now the last person Lance wants to be with, whether things are good or bad. As the boys file out, Lance turns to JC. "Um, you're coming, aren't you?"
"Uh, yeah, sure." JC lifts his duffle and follows the guys out the door.
After a half hour in the club, Lance is glad he came. It feels good to cut loose with his friends, and secretly he's glad he stood up to Lou. When a new song comes on, Lance returns to the table to get another drink. He catches JC's eye on the dance floor and mouths, "I'm glad you came."
JC smiles back at Lance, deciding he was totally overreacting earlier. He begins making his way back to the table, picking his way carefully among the dancing bodies. When he at last reaches their table, he smiles again at Lance. "Hey."
"Hey. Want a drink?"
"Yeah, sure. It's hot out there." JC indicates the dance floor.
Hot doesn't begin to describe it, thinks Lance, eyeing JC's body. He pushes down the thought, knowing very well nothing's going to happen tonight. Lance motions to the nearest waitress and orders the drinks, then sits back. He leg starts bouncing nervously, and he speaks to the table. "I am glad you came. Really."
"Then I'm glad I came, too. I--I was really proud of you, before. With Lou."
Lance smiles sheepishly. "I'm just tired of him riding us like that. We're good. We're really good."
"I know. You don't have to convince me." JC smiles at Lance and his hand edges toward Lance's, ready to dare a tentative first touch, but Joey comes bounding over.
"Hey, guys. Me and Chris are going to check out the new place up the street and Justin's gonna go back to the hotel before his mom blows a gasket. What are you two gonna do?"
"I, um, was thinking of going back to the hotel after this one . . . "JC touches his glass, and his tone is tentative as he glances at Lance.
"Oh. Yeah, it was a long day."
"You don't have to. I mean, if you want to stay out . . . "
Thinking JC wants to be alone, Lance takes a sip of his drink and says, "Oh, okay. I guess I'll just hang here, then."
Gee, the trying-not-to-be-clingy thing couldn't have backfired more. "Won't it be kind of boring here, alone?"
Lance shrugs. "I guess."
"I could stay."
Joey interrupts. "What IS it with you two? Neither one of you wants to stay, so go share a cab with Justin. Geez, I have to think for everyone."
Lance wasn't even aware that they were being watched; he glances at JC and shrugs again, nervous about what's going to happen when they get back to their room. "I'm beat anyway."
"Later, Joey." JC turns to Lance."You ready?" They find their jackets and join Justin for the silent ride back to the hotel. When they get to the room, the message light is blinking. JC drops his jacket on a chair and heads for the bathroom. "Too many beers," he says, with an apologetic shrug. Lance half smiles and stares at the phone. His mother? JC's mother?
He picks up the receiver and dials in for the message. When he hears Lou's voice he freezes. "You listen to me, you smart-ass little shit. Don't you EVER do that to me again. I can replace you so fast it will make your head spin. With someone with TALENT." The message ends with the sound of a receiver being slammed down.
Lance stares at the phone in horror. No one's ever spoken to him like that, ever. He'd never been bullied in school, never got into a fistfight, never been yelled at like that. He quickly replaces the receiver as though it were on fire.
JC comes out of the bathroom and is immediately confronted with Lance's stricken face. JC is beside him in an instant. "Baby? What happened?" JC wants so much to enfold his boy in his arms, to give him the comfort of closeness, but his hand had been shrugged off before when Lance was angered or upset, so he holds back.
"Um, nothing," Lance says quickly, not wanting JC to see him upset. He wipes his eyes and tries to smile.
"Lance, I know you better than that. If you don't want to talk to me, say so, but don't lie to me."
Lance knows JC is right, and he hates lying more than anything else. Trust has always been a big issue for him, and to not be honest with JC would make him a hypocrite. He sighs, then says quietly, "It was Lou."
JC thinks about all the things he could say and opts for a single word: "Bad?"
Lance nods. "Yeah. He's a jerk." Lance brings his hand to his mouth and busily gnaws his nails.
"Yeah, he is. I'm sorry. And whatever he said, he's wrong."
Lance draws his knees up, needing to be held, needing to be in JC's arms, not knowing what to do.
"Lance," JC says softly, the single syllable filled with love and longing and pain. "What can I do?"
Lance shakes his head, afraid to take the next step, to close the gap that's been keeping them apart for so long, and when he finally speaks, his voice cracks. "I need you."
That's all JC needs to hear. He moves close and wraps his arms around his boy, realizing only when he touches Lance that Lance is trembling. "I'm here. I'm here."
Automatically, his body so attuned to JC's touches, his arms cling to JC tightly, and he buries his face in JC's shoulder. "Josh, I miss you. I miss you so much."
JC regrets that it's pain that's brought him there, but it feels SO good to have Lance back in his arms. He rocks the younger boy gently. "Shhhh. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm so sorry, about everything. I just want us to get back to that place we were at."
"Shhh. No more apologies. We just needed time."
"I was so afraid I was gonna lose you."
"When are you gonna believe me when I tell you I'm in this for the long run? When things go wrong, I want to fix them, not run away."
"I want to fix them too. I don't want anyone to break us up."
"Then we're gonna be okay." JC drops a soft kiss into Lance's hair and continues to rock him soothingly.
Lance laughs bitterly. "Yeah, if I'm around long enough."
"You will be. The guys are all behind you. And Lou has a contract with you. That works both ways." JC eases them down onto the bed so Lance is cradled against his chest. "And if he tries to get rid of you, he loses one of his lead singers."
Lance pushes himself up so he's on his side, looking down at JC. "You are NOT quitting."
"I wouldn't want to work with him if he did anything to hurt you."
"It's a business, JC. He has to do what's best for the business."
"What's best for the business is you with us. Together."
Lance is silent for a long time. He just lays there, gazing down at his friend, his boyfriend, his lover. Finally, he whispers two words, words he's been feeling for weeks now. "I'm scared."
JC pulls Lance close again. He knows how hard it is for Lance to admit weakness. "I know," he says softly. "But remember. I support you. The guys support you. The record company is happy with your work. You're safe."
"I wasn't just talking about the group. I meant us as well."
"Tell me. What are you scared about?"
"We haven't touched each other in weeks."
"We needed time. That's all." JC hugs Lance. "We're touching now."
Lance shuts his eyes and rests his head on JC's chest, breathing in JC's sweet scent. "I love you, Josh."
"I love you too. More every day." JC strokes Lance's hair. "Make love to me, Lance. Please?"
"Are you sure?"
"Very, very sure."
Lance pushes himself up and rolls onto his side. He gingerly touches JC's face, studying the tranquil blue-gray eyes for any sign of fear. Slowly, he moves closer, until their lips are almost touching, and when Lance is sure they're both ready, he brushes his lips against JC's.
The soft touch electrifies JC with need, with longing. He's missed this so much that he feels tears prickling in his eyes as he brings their lips together again, still chaste and closed-mouthed but filled with passion just the same.
Gently, very gently, Lance presses their lips together, pulls back, and then kisses him again. And again. The kisses are soft and sweet, full of love and affection, not urgency and anger.
JC no longer feels the weight of the long day of rehearsal and performance and worry. He feels lifted, buoyed by the love surrounding him. Lance begins to relax with every minute that passes, as he feels JC respond to his advances without tensing. Soon, he kisses each of JC's soft lips, one at a time, before parting his lips slightly.
JC ventures out with his tongue, just touching those damp, parted, inviting lips. Once hand cups Lance's chin, angling their faces so they fit perfectly together.
Such simple, intimate contact is enough to deeply arouse Lance after so much time of keeping their distance. But he doesn't yet venture closer. Instead, he savors the kiss, letting his tongue dart out to meet JC's.
JC swirls his tongue around Lance's playfully, then draws Lance's tongue between his lips, sucking lightly. His hand moves up from Lance's chin to stroke the pale, soft hair.
Lance opens his mouth wider, capturing JC's lips and snaking his tongue inside JC's warm, inviting mouth. He shifts on the bed so that one arm is supporting his weight while the other rests comfortably on the other side of JC's head. Still unsure about getting any closer, Lance keeps a few inches of distance between their bodies.
JC's tongue teases at Lance's, swirling, touching, retreating. His hand slips back around to touch Lance's soft cheek. With the other, he tightens his hold around Lance, urging him closer.
At first, Lance resists, still fearful of hurting his lover, but he soon gives in and finds himself rolling on top of JC's electrically charged body. With his legs on either side of the prone body underneath him, Lance keeps himself propped up, allowing only their mouths to touch.
JC lifts Lance's face away from his. He looks up into the pale green eyes and smiles. "I may be skinny, but I won't break."
Lance swallows, then wills his body to relax and slowly lowers himself so their hips are touching, then kisses JC once again, this time letting his mouth travel down to JC's defined chin, and then lower to the tight tendons of his neck.
"Much better," JC sighs as his hands slowly drift down Lance's back. He finds the hem of Lance's shirt and slips his fingers under it, caressing the warm skin beneath.
When he feels the cool fingers on his skin, Lance begins to suck gently on JC's neck. He travels lower, pulling at the neckline of JC's t-shirt, exposing more of the smooth, warm skin.
JC lifts Lance's shirt, fanning one hand out over the small of Lance's back, while the other cups his belly and teases his navel.
Lance giggles and squirms, but the touch is so arousing he buries his face in JC's shoulder.
"Aw, don't hide, baby." JC wraps both arms around Lance and presses Lance tightly to his chest. He kisses Lance's hair, his ear, the side of his face--whatever he can reach.
Lance can't resist this contact. He can feel the growing bulge in his pants pressed against JC's body, and he positions one knee between JC's leg and begins rubbing JC's own bulge.
"Mmmm, Lance," JC whispers into Lance's ear. He starts working on Lance's shirt again, easing it up so he can't touch more and more of the soft, warm skin it covers.
Lance uses this opportunity to resume kissing JC's neck and shoulder, but his shirt provides a barrier that Lance decides needs to be removed. So he lifts JC's shirt up and kisses his stomach and each ripple of his tight abs.
"Maybe we should take them off," JC suggests, his voice husky with need. Peeking up from his position on JC's mid section, Lance playfully suggests, "You first. Or should we go at the same time?"
"Same time. It will save valuable seconds that we could be making out."
"You're so practical. Okay, ready? One, two, three . . . " They quickly strip off their shirts then pause, looking at each other.
"Come here," JC says quietly, insistently. After a moment's hesitation, Lance lowers himself so that their skin is touching, and the heat radiating off JC's chest warms Lance more than any fire could.
"You feel so good," JC says, guiding Lance's mouth back to his. With his other hand, he lightly runs the length of Lance's spine.
Lance shivers and his nipples harden as he kisses his way down JC's neck to his chest, pausing with his mouth over JC's heart, feeling the strong, steady pulse through his lips.
JC's hand brushes over Lance's hair, stroking it back from his forehead. His other hand moves down Lance's back and dips below the waistband of his pants.
Lance moans deep into JC's chest as his mouth captures an already erect nipple, teasing it with his tongue and teeth, leaving a wet mark as he moves to the other nipple. This time, he circles it slowly with his tongue as he reaches between their bodies and cups JC's heat through his pants.
JC groans happily, shifting to give Lance easier access. His breath is coming in shallow pants, and he slips his hand out of the back of Lance's pants and brings it around to the front to massage the growing bulge there.
Moving even lower and then out of JC's reach, Lance kisses his way down JC's body, pausing to dip his tongue into JC's navel, as he follows the trail of hairs to JC's waistband. He removes his hand from JC's crotch and nuzzles the trapped bulge, then quickly unfastens JC's pants and slides the zipper down.
With no choice but to lie back and let Lance do whatever he wants, JC lets his head fall back on the pillow. He practically sighs in relief as the tightness of his pants is alleviated, and he waits in anticipation of that first touch.
Pulling down the elastic of JC's shorts, Lance frees the trapped organ and smiles as it springs forth. He wets his lips, closes his eyes, and runs his tongue down its length, tracing the long, pulsing vein all the way to the base.
JC lets out a long, deep moan of pleasure. His hands dig into the fabric of the bedspread, and his head presses deeper into the pillow.
Lance continues to use his tongue, hoping to evoke as much pleasure out of JC as possible. When he reaches the tip, he covers it with his mouth, reaching up with his hands to fondle JC's nipples once more.
JC gasps as he feels himself engulfed in warmth. His hand rests lightly on Lance's head, caressing the soft hair.
Moving steadily up and down, Lance works the erection until he senses JC coming close to climax. When he raises his head, he gazes up at JC, his heart pounding in his chest; this is the first time in weeks that they've made love and Lance doesn't want to ruin it.
JC struggles to breathe normally. "I want you in me," he growls. "Now."
Lance climbs back up so he's lying next to JC. Cupping JC's face carefully, Lance whispers, "I'm scared. I don't want to hurt you again."
"Then you'll be careful." JC looks into Lance's fearful eyes. "I trust you Lance. I really do."
Biting his lip, Lance studies JC's intense eyes. He sits up and with slightly shaking hands, slowly peels off JC's jeans. He kisses JC before moving off the bed and lowering his own pants and boxer- briefs, never taking his eyes from JC's face. With a soft sigh, he wanders over to his duffle bag and pulls out the tube of lubricant that's remained unused in that pocket for so long. He holds it in his hands and when he turns back to JC he feels as though his legs are bolted to the floor. Finally, he does move, and when he reaches the bed he stretches out beside his lover.
JC smiles up at Lance. "Don't be scared, baby. I'm not. I want you." He runs one finger from Lance's cheek, down to his chest, pausing to brush over one nipple, then over his stomach to trace the length of his heated stiffness.
Shuddering, Lance stills JC's hand, knowing that if JC touches him any longer Lance will come long before he ever gets inside JC. He reaches for the lube, fumbles the cap off, and pours some into his hand, rubbing it generously over his fingers and palm. He covers his erection with the slick gel, then covers JC's mouth with his lips as he carefully slips his hand between JC's legs. His breath quickening, he finds JC's tight opening and gently rubs it, making sure to cover the surface with the lube before slowly, very slowly inserting his finger.
JC wills himself to relax, knowing that the slightest tensing will cause Lance to retreat, fearful. No chance of that, though--JC is so aroused that he doubts anything would bother him right now. He pours all his passion into the kiss, plundering Lance's mouth hungrily, greedily.
Encouraged by JC's response, Lance slips in a second finger, barely thrusting, just working out the tightness from the many nights apart. Lance himself begins to relax, to feel at home once again. His lips move to JC's ear, and he murmurs, "Josh, I've wanted this for so long," before removing his hand and rolling on top of his lover, easing his knees apart and positioning himself, but not yet penetrating. "If you want to stop, anytime, I will. I love you. So much." And then he pushes inside, slowly at first, and moans as the delicious tightness surrounds him. It's like making love for the first time.
"I don't want you to ever stop," JC practically purrs. "You feel so good."
Lance barely moves, he just lies on top of JC for a few minutes, taking in the sensations, the sudden loss of fear and dread that had plagued him for so long. He rests his head on JC's shoulder and thrusts a little further, groaning at the intense control it's taking to hold back. But he loves this newer, slow pace and the lazy, quiet way they're joined together. Lance presses soft kisses onto JC's skin and whispers, "You feel good, Josh. You feel . . . amazing."
"See, I told you we just needed a little time," JC murmurs, rocking his hips almost imperceptibly, feeling the delicious friction this movement engenders. With both hands he raises Lance's head from his shoulder, bringing their lips together in a kiss that's as slow and as tender as their lovemaking.
With each passing second, Lance becomes bolder. As he savors the kiss, he reaches down and confidently encircles JC's trapped erection with his hand, stroking lightly and as gently as he thrusts inside the older boy. Then he pushes deeper but not forcefully, listening to every breath JC takes, hearing only the sound of their drumming heartbeats.
JC breaks the kiss and lets his head fall back to the pillow. He still holds Lance's head in his hands, pushing him back a bit so they can look into each other's eyes. He looks into the pale green depths, and the love that he sees there almost makes him cry. He feels like they've never been closer than they are at this moment.
Lance freezes, afraid for a moment that JC is in pain, but what he sees there nearly makes his heart burst right out of his chest. He takes a deep breath, then begins to thrust rhythmically, evenly, unable to hold back any longer, wanting only to bring pleasure to the boy he loves. With equal rhythm, Lance grips JC's heated erection firmly, stroking in time with his thrusts, urging JC on, wanting to see that look of ecstasy in his eyes as he comes.
JC's eyes narrow in concentration, then widen in pleasure, glittering almost silver in the dimly lit room. He meets Lance's every thrust with the movement of his hips, and when Lance grasps his erection he cries out. JC can feel his climax building, approaching, and he whispers Lance's name again and again as it hits him forcefully.
Before, Lance was afraid for JC, afraid of hurting him, afraid they would never be close again. Now, he's afraid for himself, afraid of the intensity of this moment. Lance lowers himself as JC comes, feeling the vibrations of the older boy through his chest, and as his own climax builds he moans in JC's ear. When it finally happens, Lance nearly passes out, and he muffles his cry against JC's shoulder.
JC wraps his arms around Lance, holding him tightly as he frantically trembles. He whispers love and endearments and little nonsense words as he waits for Lance to calm against him.
When his trembling finally does cease, Lance remains on top of JC, not wanting to break the moment. Sleepily, he turns his head and kisses JC's face. "Josh, are you okay?" he asks quietly
"Way better than okay, babe. That was completely, amazingly, perfectly wonderful." JC squeezes the boy in his arms. "You okay?"
"Yeah, but I don't think I can move." He smiles against JC's neck as he finally does slip out. "Mmmmm. Can we just stay like this for the rest of the night?"
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one getting squished."
Lance lifts his head and gazes down at their sandwich bodies. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry." Slightly embarrassed, he rolls off onto his back.
JC rolls over and rests his head on Lance's chest. "I was only teasing you."
Patting his stomach, Lance says, "I am gaining weight."
"Not after the workout you just had."
"I think I could use a few more."
"I think I can promise a lot more."
"You think?"
"Yeah. After we sleep."
"All you ever want to do is sleep," Lance whines playfully before he gets up from the bed and heads to the bathroom, where he cleans himself off and brings back a damp towel for JC.
JC uses the towel and tosses it aside. "I've missed sleeping like this," JC says as he gathers Lance into his arms.
"I've missed a lot of things," Lance says, yawning. "Mostly just being able to touch you."
JC reaches to turn off the lamp. "This was...this was hard to go through, but I feel like we're closer than ever."
"I'm not gonna let anyone break us up. I think this shows that we can get through anything."
"We can. Cause we love each other."
*****
The next night, Lou sits in the back of the club, watching the show. As the boys join hands and take their bows, and the crowd cheers, Lance catches Lou watching him. But instead of averting his eyes, he keeps his gaze locked, and a slow smile spreads across his face.