Forever Young: Piņata
by Karen and LB
© 2002
Number 8 in the series.
Lance isn't even sure what he's eating, but it tastes delicious. Not like the Mexican food he gets at home. He washes down the spicy concoction with a deep drink of the nonalcoholic margarita--with his mom around he doesn't want to chance it--and marvels at the fact that they're in Mexico. It's no vacation, but he's having the time of his life nevertheless.
"You gonna finish that?" Joey gestures at Chris's plate with his fork.
"Hell yeah. Keep your fork away from my plate."
"You can finish mine," Lance says, pushing his plate toward Joey.
"Thanks, Lance. At least someone around here knows how to share."
JC takes a sip of his drink and pushes away his empty plate, looking around him contentedly. Things are going well--the tour is a success, the album will be out over in Europe in a couple of months--even Lou seems pleased. And on the personal front, well, JC feels like he and Lance are closer every day. They've been together a little over a year now, but JC can hardly remember a time when they weren't.
Lance is seated across from JC, and his foot bumps against JC's sneaker. He looks up and smiles. He's grown so much more comfortable with his boyfriend. He sometimes wishes he could shout it to the world, but then he remembers this is not a conventional relationship. It's hard enough keeping it from the rest of the guys.
"Are you boys ready?" Lynn asks. They have a scheduled photo shoot and then a couple of magazine interviews.
"Yeah." The boys gather their belongings and trail out after Lynn.
"Wait a sec, JC." When the others head to the car, Lance turns to JC, licks his thumb, and wipes a splotch of salsa off JC's face. "There. All gone."
"You take such good care of me."
"Someone's got to. C'mon, or they'll start to wonder." When Lance turns to the van he sees he didn't have to worry; Justin and Joey are busy squabbling over who gets to sit where.
JC rolls his eyes at Lance, and they climb into the back, where, apparently, no one wants so sit.
It's times like this Lance loves what they do. Being crammed in the back seat of a van in Mexico with his boyfriend is nothing to sneeze at. He has also started to really enjoy the photo shoots. Sure, they're still a little unnerving--after all, the pictures are shown to hundreds of people and Lance always thinks he looks like a dork in them, but it gives him a chance to be close to JC and touch him and no one is the wiser.
JC throws his arm across the seat back, low enough so Lance can feel it but high enough so it looks innocent. "Wonder what goofy things they'll have us doing for this shoot?" he muses.
"They're gonna make us KISS!" Chris shouts.
"That's gross," Joey remarks. "I'm not kissing you. I'll kiss him." He gestures to Lance in the back seat.
"Does Lance have a say in that?" JC says lightly, although it makes him feel funny even to joke about it. "He might prefer kissing . . . Justin."
"Justin's way too young."
"Hey! Am not!"
Lance knows his cheeks are bright red, and he hopes the joke has gone on long enough. As if in answer to his silent prayer, the van pulls into the offices of the small magazine where they'll have their first shoot.
Chris is still pouting, "Nobody wants to kiss me," as they all scramble out of the van and pour into the building.
Joey grabs Chris's face and plants a wet, slobbery kiss on his cheek. "Happy? Man, you gotta shave."
Lance looks at JC and smiles. If only he could do that right now.
JC grins back, hearing Lance's thought loud and clear. "Later," he mouths.
The shoot goes faster than expected. The photographer loves the rapport the boys share and by the time they leave they've made a new friend. Then it's on to some interviews, more pictures, and a show at a small club. After a late dinner, they're exhausted.
"I wanted to go swimming, but it's too cold now." Chris complains. It's an outdoor pool and the temperature outside has dropped.
"What are you, a wimp?" Justin exclaims.
"Yeah. A nintendo-champion wimp. Anyone wanna play?"
"Yeah, I will," Joey says.
"You guys coming?" Justin asks Lance and JC.
"Yeah."
The boys head to their rooms to change, then down to the pool. Once there, Justin says, "Chris was right--too cold. I'm back up. See you later."
Waist deep and shivering, Lance declares, "Looks like it's just you and me."
JC grins. "What a shame, huh?" He moves into the deeper water. "It's pretty nice once you get all the way in."
"It's cold, JC." But Lance dives under anyway. He emerges near the deep end, treading water.
"The water's warm. But if you're still cold I can warm you up."
"How?"
JC swims over to the younger boy and pulls him into his arms. He spins them around in the warm water a couple of times, then pulls him even closer for a long, sweet kiss.
The shiver that travels up Lance's spine is no longer from the cold air. He allows JC to keep them afloat as he deepens the kiss.
The combination of the cool air, the warm water and the intoxicating effect of Lance's kiss make JC feel completely alive, every nerve ending tingling, every sense heightened. "We're gonna drown," Lance says, when he finally breaks the kiss.
"I would never let you drown. I'm already giving you mouth-to-mouth."
"I don't remember learning this in summer camp."
"They never tell you the good parts in summer camp."
"This is definitely a good part," Lance growls, moving in for another kiss.
Lance's voice nearly undoes JC. In the past year, he's just gotten so damned sexy. Or maybe it's just that JC is noticing now.
Upstairs, Diane glances at the clock for the fiftieth time. Jim had been due an hour ago, but his flight was delayed and she's anxious. When she finally hears a key in the lock, she rises to greet him.
"Hi, baby," Jim says, dropping his bag and throwing his arms around his wife. He's exhausted from traveling, but seeing her and knowing he'll soon see his son makes it all worth it. "Where's Lance?"
"Believe it or not, he's down in the pool with JC and Justin."
"At this time of night? What about curfew?" Jim shakes his head.
"They work so hard, Jim, that sometimes we have to be a little flexible with curfew. Just to give them some time to relax. Why don't you go down and surprise him?"
"Okay, you're right." He kisses Diane and heads down to the pool. He's looking forward to seeing his son; now that they've been traveling, he sees him less and less, and he sometimes worries that if this group works out Lance will be gone more often than not. So Jim decides to make every minute he gets to spend with his son count.
They've been sitting on the steps of the shallow end, still submerged, kissing and touching, when JC breaks a long, passionate kiss. He looks into his Lance's and is seized by a sudden mischievous impulse. "You don't look wet enough, " he says, pushing Lance off the step and dunking him thoroughly before swimming away to the deep end.
Lance emerges, spitting water and flailing his arms for balance. "You! You are so dead!" he shouts, before diving under. Just then, Jim enters the pool area in time to see Lance come up between JC's legs, flipping the older boy over his shoulders.
"Son?" The boys start, then swim over to the side of the pool and scramble out of the water. "Dad!" Lance is so surprised to see his father here at this hour that he doesn't have time to worry about how much he saw. He throws his arms around his father, soaking the man's shirt. Jim Bass laughs and holds his son close, then pulls back. "You're gonna catch cold. Here." He lifts a towel from a nearby deck chair and drapes it around Lance's shoulders, rubbing gently. He looks up at JC curiously. "Hi, Josh. How are you? Where are the other boys?" Lance's head whips around to JC, his eyes showing their fear.
"They w-w-were all w-w-wimps and d-d-decided it was too c-c-cold. N-n-not like us t-t-tough g-g-guys." As he says this JC walks over to the chair where he and Lance had left their sweatshirts. "B-b-besides," he says with a grin as he hands Lance his shirt and slips into his own. "It w-w-was nice in the w- w-water."
"I bet," Jim replies, smiling as he throws his arm around JC and leads the boys inside. "I think you've both had enough though. Let's get you warmed up."
Lance lets out the breath he'd been holding, but he can't shake the feeling that his father saw something he shouldn't have. Of course, if he did, he wouldn't be acting this way, right?
JC is just SO thankful that his impulsive move resulted in Jim catching them fooling around rather than, well, fooling around. Too close, though. Way too close. He can feel Lance's tension even though they're not touching. Somehow, he manages to continue acting natural. "So when did you get in, Mr. Bass? How was your flight?"
"It was fine, Josh. I just got in a little while ago and thought I'd surprise my boy." He gives Lance's shoulder a playful shake. Lance is so relieved to be in the comfort of his father's arms. He knows he couldn't have gotten this far without his parents. "I hear you boys have had a pretty hectic schedule. You getting enough rest, Lance? You look tired."
"I'm fine, Dad. Really. It's been so much fun here. We even got to do some sight-seeing. Right, JC?"
"Yeah, it's beautiful here. And it feels so good to be somewhere warm after all that endless winter." JC shivers inside his sweatshirt. "Well, mostly warm."
"Did your mama pack enough warm things for you, son?"
"Yes, dad." Lance rolls his eyes. Okay, maybe his father doesn't suspect anything. But Lance doesn't know how much longer he can keep this from him. His mother has been pretty understanding, and she's really come around in the past few months. So maybe . . .
They reach the corridor where their rooms are. Jim gives JC a quick hug. "Goodnight, Josh. We'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Mr. Bass. Goodnight, Lance." JC goes into his room and grabs some dry clothes. He stands in the bathroom, starting at his own reflection, wondering what Lance's Dad saw in his face tonight. Finally, he peels off his wet clothing and reaches for a towel.
Lance follows JC with his eyes until his friend disappears into his room. He spends some time in his parent's room, filling his father in on the events of the past few days. Finally, he says goodnight, and as he turns to leave, Diane stops him. "Wait, I'll come tuck you in."
"Mom," Lance starts to protest, but he knows he won't win this one.
Out in the hall, Diane turns to her son. "Lance, it's time we told your father." She hates to add to his stress, but family has always come first for the Basses. And they've kept this secret long enough.
Lance sighs, leans against the wall, and looks down at the floor. "I know."
"Tomorrow?" She cups his chin and lifts his face. "We'll do it together."
Lance nods, and Diane pulls him into an embrace. "It's going to be all right, honey. He loves you. We both do. No matter what."
"I love you too, mom," he whispers, fighting back the tears.
It's a long, sleepless night, and when Lance awakens the next morning from the few hours' sleep he got, he's seized with fear.
When they all meet for breakfast, JC immediately sees how tired Lance looks. How drained. "You okay?" He asks as he sits next to the younger boy. "Did something happen?"
"No," Lance says quietly. "Yes. My mom wants to tell my dad."
JC thinks for a moment. "That makes sense. He almost caught us last night. You don't--WE don't--want him to find out like that, right?" He pauses again. "Do you want me to be there?"
"No! I mean, no. If you're there it would seem like we're all ganging up on him. He's not gonna take it well as it is. He's gonna need time. Man, he's gonna be so pissed."
"Okay, I just thought it might be easier if he had more . . . targets. But you know your dad better than I do."
"I don't want you to have to deal with this. I don't want him to take it out on you. My dad and me, we almost never fight. But this is big."
JC slips his hand over to Lance's under the cover of the breakfast table. "I'll have to deal with it eventually, but we'll do it however you want. You know I'll do--or not do--anything to make this easier for you."
Lance gives the hand a gentle squeeze. "I know. And thanks. This isn't going to be easy no matter what. But I guess it has to be done." Lance looks over at his father, who's sitting at the other end of the table with the other parents. In a matter of hours, everything could change.
JC follows Lance's gaze, then looks back at his troubled little face. And because it's all he has to give, he offers the only comfort he can. "I love you."
Lance leans over and whispers, "I love you too." He wants very much to kiss JC, but that would be the kiss of death for both of them.
*****
Many interviews and photo shoots and group meetings later, the parents decide to spend some time alone with their children, a rare event these days. Diane and Lance both decide that they're better off telling Jim in private, so after a little shopping they head back to the hotel and sit out on the small terrace of Jim and Diane's room, overlooking the pool. After a few minutes of chitchat, Lance takes a sip of his iced tea and fidgets with the straw. "Dad, there's something I have to tell you."
"What is it, son? You look so serious."
"Um, I don't know how to say this, so I guess I'll just come right out and say it." He looks over at his mother, who puts a reassuring hand on his arm. "I'm, um, gay."
Jim freezes, sure he's heard wrong. "You're what?"
Lance sits up. "I'm gay, dad."
"You can't be." Jim turns to Diane. "Did you know about this?"
Diane is calm and she hopes her calmness helps Lance. "Yes, I've known for a while."
"And you're just FINE with this? Why am I the last to know?"
"That's my fault, Jim. I didn't think Lance should say anything to you until I was sure it was more than a phase."
Jim turns pleading eyes on his son. "Couldn't it be?"
"No, dad, it's not." He lowers his head, fighting the tears welling in his eyes. "I've felt this way for a while. I just didn't realize it until . . . " But he stops, realizing he's said too much.
Jim gets up and goes to lean on the railing, staring at nothing for a moment. Then he turns to look at his wife and son, these two people he trusted and who he now knows have lied to him, conspired. "Until?"
Since he already started telling his father, Lance figures he might as well tell him everything. He never liked keeping secrets, especially from his parents. "Until I started going out with JC."
"He did this to you? We trusted him."
"He didn't do anything to me. This is what I am. And Josh, he's great. He's my best friend. I really care about him, Dad, and he cares about me."
"If he cares about you . . . where is he? I want to talk to him."
"I didn't want him to be here 'cause I knew how you'd act."
"Young man, you will NOT talk to me that way." Jim turns on Diane. "I knew it was a mistake to let him get involved with these people. And you just sit there and let it happen?"
"Honey, I didn't LET anything happen. Lance is trying to talk to you. Haven't we always said that whatever was going on in our kids' lives we would always be there for them and would help them in any way? Well, now's the time for you to listen and try to understand. He's almost 18, Jim. We're going to have to let go sometime. We're going to have to let him make his own decisions. Being in the group didn't do this to him. This is who he is. Our son."
Jim stares at her as if she's speaking a foreign language. "You mean to tell me you believe that? In spite of what the Bible says? In spite of what the church says?"
"James Bass, how can you believe otherwise? He's YOUR SON, despite anything the Bible says. YOUR son. I may not always agree with his choices either, but NOTHING will change the fact that he's our son."
In all this time, Lance has kept quiet. It's not often he sees his parents arguing, especially over something as serious as this. But he also knows it's not his mother's battle. "Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Jim turns to look at the boy. "This is not about hurting me. This is about what you're doing to your life. Your future. You'll be a pariah. Is that what you want? And you say that JC cares about you--is that what he wants for you?"
"Pariah? Dad, I'm gay, not diseased! JC IS a part of my life now. He wants what I want--to make this group work and to make music. What happened between us is just between us. How is this any different than my going out with a girl?"
"You can even ask that? It's different because it's unnatural. It's different because it's against God's law. It's different because you'll never have a normal life if you persist in this."
"Why not? What's normal, Dad? Isn't normal loving someone who loves you back? I'm not different, Dad--I'm GAY! I don't see why I can't live a normal life. Didn't you always tell me not to judge anyone? And why isn't it natural for me to love JC? He's a great guy! He's kind and smart and he listens to me. And I thought YOU'D listen to me too. I guess I was wrong."
By now, Jim's face is red with anger. "I am still your father, and I will not be spoken to that way." He takes a deep breath. "I think you should go for a while, until we've both calmed down a little."
Lance feels his own anger welling inside him. "Fine, if that's the way you want it." Lance stands quickly, sending his chair skittering across the terrace. "But I'm not going to change no matter how much you want me to." He storms off, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Jim!" Diane remonstrates, jumping up to go after Lance.
"Let him go, Diane.We'll both say things we'll regret if you bring him back right now. I need time."
"You need time to remember that he's your son and you love him? Because that's what's important."
*****
Lance doesn't know where else to go, so he heads to his room, hoping Chris isn't back yet. He sits on his bed as the tears fall, and finally he lays back and let its all out. It was hard enough in the beginning fighting his own self- doubts, but now his own father is rejecting him and it's the worst feeling Lance could ever imagine. He almost wishes he could go back and relive that night he and JC got together and make it so that it never happened. Almost. Because then he thinks of JC and how much he loves him, and a whole new wave of pain crashes over him.
JC has been sitting in his own room, feeling lonely and pretty sorry for himself. All the other guys are spending time with their families, but he has no family here. He hears someone go into the room next door and wonders if it's Lance. Then, thanks to the thin hotel walls, he hears sobbing. He jumps up and goes next door, knocking softly.
Lance hears the knock and rolls over, afraid it's his father. He's not ready to talk yet. "W-who is it?"
"It's me. Can I come in?"
"I need to be alone right now, Josh."
"You sound like that's the last thing you need."
Lance wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He shuffles to the door and opens it stepping back to let JC in.
JC doesn't speak, doesn't ask Lance to speak. He just wraps his boy tightly in his arms and holds him.
Lance collapses against JC, sobbing quietly into his shoulder. But then he pulls away. "You should go. If my dad sees you here . . . "
"I don't care. He hurt you--he doesn't get to say anything about my being here."
"He's still my father."
"I know. But that doesn't give him the right to hurt you."
"I should have told him sooner."
"You think that would have made a difference?"
"No. I don't know. All I know is that right now he hates me."
"Give him time. It took your mom a while, right?"
"She's different. I've always been able to talk to her more than my dad."
"I've seen how your dad is with you. I saw it last night. He loves you."
"But he doesn't like me very much now. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know if he'll ever get over this. JC, I think I need to be alone right now."
"Lance, are you sure that's what you want? I-I don't like leaving you alone when you're like this."
"I just need some time. I'm a mess right now." He wipes his eyes with his sleeve and walks back to the bed.
JC watches Lance lie down. "Okay, Lance. I'll go, but I'll be right next door if you need me. And I'll be back to check on you."
"Okay," Lance says softly. He feels terrible for treating his friend like this--JC has been nothing but caring and loving toward him--but right now Lance can't handle the guilt he's feeling over the things his father said.
JC closes the door quietly and heads back to his own room. He pauses at the door, however, considering, then squares his shoulders and walks down the hall to the Basses' room instead. He takes a deep breath and knocks.
Thinking it's his son, Jim Bass rushes to the door. When he sees JC, his face grows hot. "Hello, JC. I think we need to talk."
JC glares at the older man. "We sure do. What did you do to him? What did you say to him? 'Cause he's in there crying his eyes out and he won't talk to me."
"Son, you better watch it. You have no right to speak to me like that. What happens between my son and me is just that."
"Not when it involves me. And not when I see what you did to him."
"I'm not the one who made him a...gay."
"Neither am I. Nobody gets made gay."
"Well, somebody did this to him--he was never like this before he got involved in this group."
"That's not how it works, Mr. Bass. It's something that's inside you."
Jim turns around and walks slowly back toward the balcony. He's tried so hard to fight this, to deny the truth about his son. "I want you to stay away from him. I know how much being in this group means to Lance so I won't pull him out, but I won't have him running around with any boy."
"I can't do that, sir. I won't."
Jim stops and stares out the window. His wife sits on the balcony watching them. "You realize he's only 17. Seventeen-year-olds are often confused."
"I know. I'm not that far from 17 myself. But I know what we have is real. He's a wonderful person, Mr. Bass. The best friend anyone could ever have. You did that. You raised him to be who he is. But you need to trust him now. To let him be the person he is."
"To let him be gay? That goes against everything we believe in, everything I wanted for him." He turns to face JC. "What do your parents say about this?"
"They don't know. Yet. I-I'm not sure they'd even notice. We're, we're not close like you are."
For the first time, Jim sees the pain in the boy's face and starts to understand what Lance must be going through. To not have parents who care about you? Unthinkable. He'd always been there for Lance--always. And now he's acting like his son is some stranger. "I'm sorry to hear that, Josh. But I bet they'd like to know."
"They will. Someday." JC sighs. "I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have spoken to you like I did. I was just so angry. I had just come from Lance's room and he's so, I don't know--defeated? He idolizes you, and he thinks you hate him. He thinks his dad hates him."
Jim feels like a thousand knives have been run through his heart. HATE him? Hate his son? His own flesh and blood? The boy he'd raised from the sweet, happy child he was to the smart, talented boy he is today? HATE him? Jim sits on the edge of the bed and rubs his hands over his face. How could he let this happen? How could he make his son think that? "I don't hate him. I love my son. More than anything in the world. I'm just having trouble understanding this. This is not something that's . . . typical of my family. I know it's a different world than the one I grew up in, and you kids are exposed to a lot of different things. I guess I just never expected Lance to be like that. I think I need to go talk to my son."
"Mr Bass, it's not something you're exposed to. And no one expects to 'be like that'. It's not something you have control over. It's not a choice. It just is."
Jim just nods. It's going to take a long time to get used to it. Part of him is still in denial and hopes that it IS just a phase. The other part somehow knows it isn't. How did he miss the signs? Was he really that blind to this side of Lance? Did he see it and just ignore it because he didn't want it to be true? And everything JC is telling him--he's smart and well-spoken. It's hard not to like JC. "I know. I guess I just wish it had happened to someone else. I just want what's best for Lance. I want him to be happy."
"I do, too. I'm not sure you believe that, but it's true. And if I thought it would be best for Lance, I'd do what you ask and get out of his life. But I don't. I truly don't."
Jim stares at JC, studying his eyes. They seem genuine and . . . full of hope. He's not a bad kid; Jim supposes that the situation could be much, much worse. "I admire your resolve, Josh. I can't say I'm happy about this situation, but you seem like a good friend to Lance. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to talk to him." He rises and heads toward the door. When he reaches JC, he puts a hand on the boy's shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze.
JC takes in a deep breath after Jim leaves, hoping that he has helped the situation in some small measure. He just wants Lance to be okay. He turns to leave, but Diane stops him, reaching up to hug him. She had heard most of the conversation, had heard the loneliness in JC's voice when he spoke of his own parents, and her maternal nature can't bear to see a child in pain. "It will be okay," she says softly. "He just needs time."
Jim walks slowly down the hall, realizing that he has no idea what he's going to say to his son, hoping the right words will come to him. He pauses in front of Lance's door, then knocks lightly.
There were few times in Lance's life that he wanted to be alone, but right now he just wishes everyone would go away. Thinking it's JC again, Lance trudges to the door and opens it, and when he sees his father he's gripped with dread. "I-I'm sorry, dad. I'm so sorry I disappointed you." Without waiting for a response, Lance throws his arms desperately around his father.
Before he can even think about it, Jim's arms are wrapped around his son, and he's murmuring soothingly, "Hush, baby. Hush, now."
Lance sobs against his father's shoulders feeling both relief and sadness that he's put his father in this position. "I'm so sorry, daddy, I'm so sorry," he cries, over and over.
"Shhh. It's not your fault. JC explained that to me pretty thoroughly." Jim pushes Lance gently away from him a bit without letting him go. "Look at me, son."
Lance stands with his eyes to the floor, afraid of what his father will say. Finally, he lifts his tear-stained face to meet his father's gaze. "Look, son, I can't say I'm happy about what you told me. I still believe it's wrong. But I could never hate you. Ever."
"You don't? I didn't mean for this to happen, daddy, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"It doesn't seem like either of us was ready sooner."
Lance turns away and walks back over to the bed. "I know you didn't expect this and I know it's not something the church believes in, but I can't help it, Dad. I tried, but it's a part of me now."
"Yes, JC explained that, too. He, um, really cares about you, doesn't he."
"You spoke to JC?"
"Yes, he came to see me and set me straight. No pun intended."
Lance smiles shyly. His father really is trying, he sees now. "He's a good guy, dad. If you give him a chance, you'll see."
"I do know that, son. I do." Jim sighs. "This is just really difficult. But do you think you could give your old dad time to get used to the idea?"
"Yeah. You can have all the time in the world."
"Good. Now, I was supposed to take you and your mother out for dinner. You think you can get cleaned up for that?" Lance swipes at his eyes. "Yes, sir," he says, much happier now than he was ten minutes ago. Before he reaches the bathroom, though, he pauses. "Dad, um, could we ask JC to come along? Please?"
"I think that's a good idea. He seemed kind of lonely, without any family here."
"He is. It's hard on him when he doesn't have anyone. I'm so lucky to have you and mom; I just want JC to know he's got people who care about him." He walks back to where his father is standing. "Dad--thanks. For understanding."
"Son, I have to be honest. I really don't understand. But I don't want to lose you, so I'm going to try. I'm going to go let your mother know to get ready. You and Josh come to our room when you're ready."
When his father leaves, Lance falls to the bed relieved that the worst is over. He knows it will be a long time, if ever, until his father fully accepts him the way he is, but at least it's a start. A good start. He rolls over on the bed and reaches for the phone. "Josh? It's me. I'm all right. Everything's going to be all right."