Selfish: I Think about You Constantly
by Karen and LB
© 2002
"C'mon Lance. It's our day off. A whole day. You CAN'T just work. We can do whatever you want. Just so's we do something."
Lance looks up from his two-way. "We don't have days off."
"We do today. Look at the schedule."
With an exasperated sigh, Lance exchanges his two-way for his palm pilot. JC is right. There is absolutely nothing scheduled for today. Not one session, photo shoot, or interview. Nothing. The day is a complete blank. "I should make some calls."
"You can make calls tomorrow. How often do we get a free day?"
"Never. All right, you win. Where to? Wait, not another museum."
"I told you. Whatever you want. You want roller coasters? Animals? Shopping for small electronics?"
"All of the above?"
"Then we better get started."
"Sa-fa-ri! Sa-fa-ri!"
JC laughs, happy to see Lance so playful and excited. "C'mon. I'll even buy you breakfast."
"French toast! French toast!" Lance chants as he grabs his camera and sunglasses. "I'm driving."
"Uh-oh. I'm in trouble," JC says with a grin. "Let's go play."
They stop at Denny's for a big breakfast, JC waiting patiently while Lance slowly chews every bite. Then it's on to Six Flags, where the boys are allowed special access to the animals. This is one of the perks of being a celebrity Lance loves. He delights in interacting with the animals and is even allowed to feed them.
JC enjoys playing with the animals, too, but what he really likes is watching Lance. Lance relaxes in places like this--the tension drains out of him and he's more like the Lance JC first fell for. "You know, if you ever get tired of this whole music-movies-management thing, you'd be a great zookeeper."
"Maybe one day I'll just buy one. Or have one in my backyard," Lance muses while feeding a baby koala.
"How do you do that? I could never be still enough not to scare them."
"Aw, you just got to get them to trust you. Here, hold him." Lance puts the cuddly bear in JC's arms. At first, it keeps one hand on Lance's shirt, but then it gives in and wraps its arms around JC. "See? Like a baby." At first JC doesn't even breathe, he's so sure he's going to frighten the timid creature. After a moment or two, though, he holds out his hand for the leaves Lance had been feeding it and offers them to the bear.
"See? Kids like you."
"Hairy kids," JC says, touching the soft fur gently.
"He looks just like you," Lance coos. "Same nose."
"Aw, and I always hoped our kid would look like you."
Lance ignores the comment, choosing instead to check the film in his camera. The trainer takes the baby bear back from JC and leads them to some tiger cubs. Lance crouches down and lets one of the cubs sniff his hand before attempting to pet it. It takes to him almost instantly, grabbing his arm and chewing at the leafy branch he's holding.
JC stands still and waits for one of the cubs to get curious. And one does, trotting over and stopping short in front of JC, glaring at him with golden eyes before relenting and rubbing his head against JC's knee.
Lance, busy teasing his own cub, glances up to see JC eyeing the other cub curiously. He grins, delighted in watching his friend interacting so willingly. It's at times like this that Lance is so attracted to JC, when they're just being themselves. They really do have a lot in common, but Lance still isn't ready to give in completely. He turns his attention back to the tiger, and for a while the boys play with their temporary pets.
JC is really getting into it, dragging a small branch along the ground so the cub will pounce on it, and laughing at its confused expression when its "prey" escapes. The cub plays vigorously for a while, then tumbles over and falls immediately asleep, its head leaning on JC's leg. "Hey, it's just like you," observes Lance.
JC points at the other cub, who's batting playfully at Lance's cellphone. "Look who's talking."
"Yeah, he has my intelligence. Don't you," he directs at the cub. "I think he wants to call his manager."
"I'm surprised you're not trying to sign him."
"Who says I'm not? He could tour with Meredith."
"I'm afraid he lip-purrs."
Lance cocks his at JC and grimaces. "I think you need a roller coaster."
"Oh, is that what you think?"
"Yeah, that's what I think." Lance gives the cub one more snuggle, then rises and pulls JC's sleeve. "C'mon, time to hear you scream."
"Y'all know that we came to rock."
"Don't start with me, Chasez. You're on MY team."
"I thought you were on MY team."
"Sorry, pal, maybe you didn't read the script."
"Sure I did. 'JC and Lance's side'."
"Uh, I BELIEVE that said 'Lance's side.' I'm the captain."
"Have your eyes checked lately, dude?"
"Shut up. You just don't want to admit who's boss in that little game."
"Justin?"
Lance rolls his eyes. "Whatever. You want to believe that you're king of the stage, you go right ahead. I wouldn't want to burst your bubble or anything." And so the banter continues until they arrive in the park and wait on line for the largest roller coaster there.
"You're so cute when your authority is questioned." JC says as they near the front of the line.
"You want to ride this thing alone and have everyone hear you scream like a girl?"
"I thought you wanted to hear me scream. Or is that what you had in mind for later?"
"It could be. Depending on whether you behave yourself."
"I'll be good," JC says as they climb onboard.
"We'll see about that." They lower the safety harness and soon the ride begins. Lance screams with delight as they are spun upside down again and again, round hair-raising curves, and plunge what feels like hundreds of feet. When the ride is over, his adrenalin skyrockets. "Let's do it again!"
JC laughs. "What, I didn't puncture your eardrums enough?"
"I wore earplugs."
"And people wonder why we say you're the smart one."
They do ride the roller coaster again, then Lance insists on buying cotton candy. And then the roaring rapids ride. The strangers sharing their raft eye them curiously as though they recognize the boys but don't want to admit it. They all scream and yell and get drenched, JC in particular.
JC tugs at his soaked shirt. "Dude, you didn't tell me about the wet t-shirt contest."
"If I told you, you would haven't gone on it. Besides, I like the wet t-shirt." And indeed he does. He can barely tear his eyes away from JC's prominent nipples.
JC drops his voice. "Pervert."
"I'm not the one walking around with a clingy shirt."
"I'm not the one enjoyin' it."
"I can't help it. You're sticking out all over."
"And who's fault is that?" JC asks, plucking the wet fabric away from his skin.
"Not mine. I didn't dump three gallons of water on you."
"Oh, sure. Blame the victim."
"Gotta blame someone. I'd make you go on it again but then we'd attract way too much attention. How about drying off on the ferris wheel?"
"Isn't the ferris wheel kind of tame for you?"
"So are you saying you want to get wet again?"
"Nope. Just don't want you to get bored, dude."
"I'm not bored. Besides, it's got a cool view."
"And it'll be warmer closer to the sun."
"And I can't have you walking around like that, showing your . . . " Lance lowers his voice, "nipples."
"No one's interested in my nipples."
"I am," Lance says with a leer, then breaks into a big grin and laughs.
"Sex fiend," JC replies, running toward the ferris wheel.
Lance is momentarily stunned by JC's retort, then chases after his friend, laughing and shaking his head.
The ferris wheel's cars are open and roomy, but they wait until they can have one to themselves. Lance sits on the bench facing JC and hangs his arm over the side, looking around as they begin their ascent.
JC settles back on the bench and pulls his shirt up, wringing it out and unconsciously showing off his taut abs.
Lance can't help but notice. Even with these spacious surroundings and the ability to see for miles, the one thing his eyes travel to is JC's body. "You really got drenched," he comments.
"Remind me never to listen to you again. 'Oh, JC, the outside seats are the best.' Creep."
"They are! Might as well go on the kiddie rides if you don't want to get wet."
"Then how come you were on the inside?"
"I got wet too. See?" Lance shakes his head, sending a few drops of water onto JC's already soaked shirt.
JC can only laugh. "Yeah, babe. You're drenched."
"I am. You should see my underwear. Uh . . . I mean . . . never mind."
"Is that an invitation?"
"Um, we . . . we're on a ferris wheel."
The machinery below groans and grinds to a halt. As they dangle over what feels like the whole world, JC says, "So?"
Lance shifts in his seat. "Someone could see." He peers over the edge. They're at the top and clearly out of sight of the other cars. "Or not."
JC leans across the space between them and pulls Lance into a kiss. At first, Lance is tense, still believing they could be spotted any minute. But he quickly relaxes as JC's lips caress his, and he finds himself moving next to JC on his side of the car. JC settles his hands on Lance's hips as his tongue seeks entrance to Lance's warm, moist mouth.
A warm breeze blows JC's hair into his face, so Lance brushes the locks back from JC's cheek as he welcomes JC's tongue eagerly.
So many sensations spill over JC. The breeze. The warmth of the sun. His t-shirt drying against his back. The metallic clink of tools as the mechanics work to restore the motor. The taste and scent and texture and heat of Lance. JC drops a hand to Lance's crotch, feeling crazy and free and very, very excited.
Lance whimpers into JC's mouth at the unexpected touch. The car sways and catches Lance off-balance, and he laughs nervously, gripping the back of the seat with one hand and the back of JC's neck with the other, pulling him back for another kiss.
JC quickly opens Lance's jeans, pushing his hand into the opening. He pulls back from the kiss. "Not wet at all," he teases. "Guess I'm going to have to do something about that." Before Lance can even react, JC is on his knees, Lance's jeans and underwear are around his thighs, and JC's tongue is sliding over the length of Lance's erection.
Lance's eyes practically pop out of his head and fly the hundreds of feet to the ground. He never expected this when they got on the ride and certainly never expected JC to be so eager. And he loves every minute of it: the thrill of being up here in the open, a sky so blue it's blinding, the air crisp and clear. It's like touching heaven. Lance grips the back of the seat for balance but watches JC, his breath quick. "I can't believe you're doing this. Oh, darlin' that feels so good."
JC's mouth curves into a smile around Lance's hot stiffness and he takes him in as far as he can, moving his tongue up and down teasingly.
Lance thrusts lightly into JC's mouth as JC's warmth surrounds him again and again. The car sways in time with their movements, and Lance closes his eyes, taking in all the sensations around him.
JC brings a hand up to fondle Lance's balls, then slips deeper, rubbing at sensitive flesh. He quickly wets a finger in his own mouth, then slides it into Lance's opening, pressing on the gland as his mouth moves more quickly, more powerfully over Lance's throbbing erection.
Lance practically screams, then remembers where they are. He bucks against the seat, sweat streaming down his forehead as he moans in ecstasy. "Oh my gosh," he pants, over and over as his climax builds.
JC redoubles his efforts, loving that he can cause this reaction in Lance, feel Lance's body tightening under his ministrations, feel him getting closer to the edge. Gritting his teeth, Lance explodes in JC's mouth, one foot kicking out to the side as he climaxes, his vision clouded by the blinding sun and the pleasure that washes over him.
JC waits until Lance is done, then sits back on his heels, smiling up at Lance. He pulls Lance's pants back up, tucking him inside and zipping them just as the huge wheel lurches back into motion. He lifts himself back onto the opposite bench and assumes an innocent expression. "Ferris wheels ARE fun," he observes drily.
Wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, Lance stares at JC numbly. "Yeah. Wow. They're . . . wow."
Their car reaches the bottom, and they get out, JC grabbing Lance's elbow when he stumbles slightly, weak-kneed. "What's next?"
"How about a cold drink?" Lance's heartbeat is just now returning to normal but JC's little performance has left him wanting more.
"You're the boss," JC says, leading Lance toward the concession stands.
Lance buys the drinks. "I'm not the boss of you."
"Just today. I told you we could do anything you want."
"Let's go play some games. Dry off for a while."
"Sounds good. Maybe you could win me a dry shirt."
"I'll buy you one." They reach the fairway, and Lance spots a rifle range. He slaps money on the counter and picks up the gun, then aims at one of the moving targets. Some hits, some misses, and in the end he's holding a stuffed frog. "For you," he declares, as he delivers it into JC's hands.
"Aw, honey. You shouldn't have."
"Now you'll have something to sleep with tonight."
Ouch, JC thinks. "That's more than you've got," he adds aloud, lightly.
Lance ignores the comment, not wanting this to turn into anything heavy. The afternoon wears on, and soon Lance grows antsy to make some calls. "We should head back," he announces, after they finish another turn on the roller coaster and get some ice cream.
"What, no shopping for small electronic devices?"
"You really want to watch me try out every palm pilot?"
"Well, when you put it that way . . . "
"Let's stop off at the studio. I have a demo for Meredith I want to pick up."
"Sure." JC peers into the back of Lance's truck and finds a t-shirt. "Can I wear this?"
"Sure." Lance can't help but eye JC as he changes out of the damp shirt and into the dry one. "It looks good on you."
JC looks down at the faded Abercrombie logo. "Comfortable," he says as they drive off.
At the studio, they run into Kevin and Troy and before they know it they're jamming and messing around with different tunes. Later, they all head out for a bite to eat, and it's not until very late that JC and Lance finally pull into Lance's driveway. "Mmm," JC says, tired, happy and a little sunburned. "Long day."
"Yeah, it was a good one. You should put something on that." Lance grabs the small duffle he took with him and pulls out his keys. "I have some lotion." Once inside, he drops his bag in the foyer and leads JC to the living room, then goes to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom off the master bedroom and returns with some sunburn cream. "Wow, look at your arms."
"It's not so bad," JC says, flexing his muscles a bit to feel the skin move. "I think I'll live."
"Gimme." Lance takes JC's arm carefully and gently spreads some of the cool cream on the hot skin. "Let me see your neck." JC turns, bowing his head. "Ouch. That doesn't look good." Lance massages the cream lightly onto JC's neck, then plants a soft kiss where his hand just was.
"See? It feels completely better."
"Completely?" Lance repeats, planting another kiss next to the first one. "Doesn't hurt at all?"
"Nope. Not at all."
"So this doesn't hurt?" Lance slides his fingertips down JC's hot skin to his hands and then over his thighs, and his lips brush against the back of JC's neck once more.
JC shivers. "Not one bit."
"So would it hurt if I took off your shirt?" Lance slides his hands up to JC's waist, stopping at the hem of the shirt.
"YOUR shirt," JC says, almost whispering. "No."
"It looks so good on you, you should keep it. But it would look better off." And with that, Lance peels the shirt up and over JC's head and tosses it on the floor. With JC's skin so exposed, Lance runs his hands up JC's back, over his shoulders, and down his chest. His lips begin working their way across JC's smooth shoulders.
"Feels so good," JC sighs. "You're so . . . therapeutic."
"Right now I'm something else." Lance's hands move to JC's pants, where his fingers adeptly open the zipper, allowing one hand to slip inside. His fingers brush against JC's stiffening organ, and he licks at JC's neck and nibbles on his earlobe.
JC lets his head fall back against Lance's shoulder, panting slightly. He presses back into Lance, feeling Lance's own arousal against his back.
Lance rubs his hand up and down JC's length, the friction made all the more intense by the tightness of his pants.
"Lance," JC rasps, desire and arousal and hunger in his voice. "I want you so bad."
Lance turns JC's head enough to kiss him, passionately, urgently, as his hands lower JC's pants over his hips, urging JC forward to the couch so he can slide them down the swell of JC's firm ass. Lance stops long enough to remove his own shirt, then presses his body against JC's, kissing his back and neck as he lowers his own pants. JC complies with each movement Lance indicates as if Lance were inside his head. His erection feels impossibly large, impossible hard, as if Lance has brought him to heretofore unknown levels of arousal.
Reaching around JC's body, caressing JC's chest, bringing his nipples to tight peaks, lowering his hand until it finds JC's burning erection. Lance's own hardness presses against JC's back, but he doesn't enter him. Not yet.
JC presses his hips up and back in clear invitation. "Please," he gasps.
"Mmm, soon." Lance begins to stroke JC, not roughly but with tender care, making it as pleasurable as he can while he reaches for the cold sunburn cream with his free hand. He squeezes some between the tight muscles of JC's ass and very gently presses two fingers inside JC's hot passage.
JC groans out one word. "More."
Lance slows his movements, slows them to the point of nearly stopping. He removes his fingers and spreads some more of the cream on himself, then, with a deep breath, pushes inside and falls against JC, burying his face in JC's shoulder.
"Better," JC purrs, tilting his hips to take Lance in even more deeply.
Lance thrusts in as far as he can, then draws out slowly, as if each second were a minute. He presses back in and just lies there, joined with JC as though they were one person, listening to JC's shallow breathing and the pounding of their hearts.
Pinned, impaled beneath Lance, JC can do little but accept Lance into himself, open to him in any way he can be.
Lance squeezes his eyes shut against the ecstasy of being inside his lover. The closeness frightens him; he wants to pull away but he can't. It feels too good.
"G-d, Lance," JC whispers breathily. "You feel incredible."
Lance's tongue traces the curve of JC's neck as he moves against JC, savoring the tightness, the heat. He wraps his arms around JC's waist and strokes JC's trapped erection, as slowly as he penetrates the older man.
JC's breath is coming in little gasps now. He's never been this aroused before, not even with Lance.
Lance comes then, shuddering against JC and letting out a soft cry in JC's ear. The hand wrapped around JC's erection never lets go.
JC comes at the same moment, exploding even as Lance explodes, falling, falling to safety.
For a moment, they're both still. Lance lies on top of JC, not in a smothering way, but like a protective blanket. "You okay?" he whispers.
"Nope. I'm . . . way better than okay."
Lance pulls away, looking down at their messy, sweaty bodies. "Let me get a towel." He doesn't want to move but he knows they can't lay here forever. When he returns, his pants on but still shirtless, he sits beside JC's prone body and cleans him off. "Want me to light a fire?"
"Yeah, that sounds . . . perfect." Lance takes the throw blanket from the back of the couch and drapes it over JC. He arranges wood in the fireplace just right, and soon there's a warm blaze lighting the room. He takes a seat on the floor in front of the couch and leans his head back. JC curls up on the couch sleepily, adjusting his position till his head is next to Lance's and he can smell the sun-warmed scent of Lance's hair even more than the wood smoke scent of the fire. JC nuzzles into Lance's hair and whispers, drowsily, almost asleep, "I love you."
Lance's eyes fly open. It's the last thing he wanted to hear, although somehow he knew it was coming. He just wasn't ready. He isn't ready, not for that. Not now. He sits stiffly against the couch, wishing JC would leave, but the older boy is already asleep. So Lance stares at the fire, at the flames devouring the wood. Why did he have to say that? The fire crackles, the light dances across his face, JC breathes softly behind him, and Lance sits quietly.
When morning arrives, Lance is gone.