Medley: I Wanna Hold Your Hand
by Karen and LB
© 2002
He was starting to lose count. Night after night, from the corner of his eye he'd see the same thing: JC would sidle up to Joey and sing those lines and they'd smile and giggle like two schoolgirls. The rational part of his brain knew it was part of the act. It told him it shouldn't bother him. But the crazy, jealous part wondered what the heck was going on--why was it that every time Lance turned around on that catwalk he'd see JC and Joey leaning over the other railing, gazing at each other and sharing some secret.
For the tenth time today, Lance tells himself not to worry--JC is HIS boyfriend, not Joey's. JC and Joey have been friends longer than Lance and JC, so of course there are things they are going to share that don't include Lance. Still, it's the way JC sings to Joey. Like he means what he's singing.
Lance notices he's still on the same page of his latest space book. Sighing loudly, he returns his attention to the words on the page.
JC hears the sigh from across the room. "What's the matter, babe?"
"Nothing."
JC gets up and walks over, settling at the foot of the bed and touching Lance's knee. "It doesn't sound like nothing."
"Just a long chapter."
"I could give you a neck rub."
Lance shrugs. "If you want."
JC moves around so he's behind Lance, his legs outside Lance's. He touches Lance's shoulders and immediately feels how tense he is. He presses with his thumbs, applying just enough pressure to work the muscles without causing pain.
Lance scowls, trying to get in the mood, trying to relax in JC's capable hands. But every time he feels himself loosen the image of JC smiling at Joey creeps back in his mind.
"Baby," JC says softly, his mouth near Lance's ear. "Please tell me what's bothering you."
He never could deny JC anything, especially the truth. So Lance closes his book and stares at the cover. "Are you . . . do you have a crush on Joey?"
JC's eyes widen incredulously. "Joey? Joey Fatone?"
Lance shakes his head, attempting to smile. "I know, I'm being ridiculous."
"Totally. What even put that in your head?"
"Nothing. It's stupid. Forget I said anything."
"It's NOT stupid. But you have nothing to worry about. I've only got a crush on one guy, and that's you."
"Are you sure? You're not interested in Joey just a little?" Lance demonstrates by holding his thumb and index finger just millimeters apart.
JC puts his hand over Lance's and pushes the digits together. "Not even THAT much."
"Then why do you look at him that way?"
"What way?" JC asks, genuinely puzzled.
"Like, you know, how you sometimes look at me."
"I don't. Do I?"
Lance shifts between JC's body and shrugs again. "It kind of looks like you do."
"When?"
"When we're on the catwalk. When we're singing 'I Want to Hold Your Hand'."
If Lance were not so obviously troubled, JC would laugh. Instead he wraps his arms around Lance and lays his head on Lance's shoulder. "That's just, just performance. Having fun with the song, like, you know, like John and Paul sharing a mic. It's no more real than you kissing Em."
"But Em's a girl. It's not the same."
"What I feel for Joey is the same as what you feel for Em."
"Then why do you look at him like that?"
"I don't. It's just, you know, singing together."
"I told you I was just being stupid."
"I don't think you're being stupid. If I'm doing something that's hurting you, I want to know. But I want you know that I only love you."
"I love you too. And you're not hurting me. I'm just being jealous."
JC tightens his arms around Lance. "You have no reason to be. I'm yours. No one else's."
Lance stares at the mattress wanting very much to believe it. "Okay."
JC kisses the side of Lance's neck, then straightens up and lays his hands on Lance's tight shoulders again. "Good. Now let's see what we can do about this."
Lance moves his head from side to side, trying to get his neck to relax enough for JC to work his magic.
JC finally gets Lance to relax a little, but he can't stop thinking about what Lance said. Not the crush-on-Joey part, but the part about how his playfulness with Joey makes Lance feel.
The soothing fingers on his neck soon lull Lance to sleep. When he wakes up in JC's arms the next morning, he's almost forgotten his worries from the night before. But that night, he's reminded once again.
As usual during a performance, JC is in his own world. And as they climb up onto the catwalk, as he and Joey start singing in harmony, he plays to Joey.
Lance turns away. He knows he's being irrational, but it still hurts to watch.
Out of the corner of his eye, JC sees Lance turn away and move to the opposite rail. Suddenly, he sees himself through Lance's eyes and a little of the fun goes out of the performance. He follows Lance to the rail and sings "and when I touch you I feel happy inside," right to him.
Lance can't help but a smile. It always happens when JC sings to him, and since he's felt a little neglected lately seeing JC smile like that--to HIM--is like a warm breeze. Embarrassed over his jealousy, Lance looks back at the crowd and continues to sing.
Lance's smile goes straight to JC's heart. And his feet, as he starts bouncing around even more enthusiastically than before, shaking the catwalk as they move to the back stage.
It turns out to be one of the most fun performances so far. Until later, when they're watching the tape and Lance sees JC looking at Joey with those goo-goo eyes.
JC is still hyped up from the performance, and drapes himself over Lance. "We better, babe?"
"YOU maybe."
"What? What'd I do?"
"You seemed to have a really good time up there."
"Yeah, so did you."
"I always have a good time."
"Then what's the problem, dude?"
"Nothing. I told you I'm being stupid about this."
"If it's bothering you, it's not stupid."
"I'm acting like a jealous boyfriend."
"How can I convince you you don't need to be?"
"I don't know. I told you, I'm crazy."
JC stands and extends his hand to Lance. "Come on."
Wary, Lance takes the hand but asks, "Where are we going?"
"To convince you."
It's the middle of the night and Lance once again finds himself back at the arena where hours before they played to a sold-out crowd. "What are we doing here, JC?"
"Exploring." They make their excuses to security and go into the shadowy interior.
"But JC, we've been here already. What's to explore?"
"We'll find something." JC moves to the booth and hits the control that lowers the catwalk. He leads Lance to the stage and they wait in the dimness as the large contraption drops down.
"What are you doing?"
"Recreating the scene of the crime."
"What crime? You mean with you and Joey? But Joey's not here."
"Of you not believing me." The reach the stage and climb up, and JC leads the way up the catwalk. He starts singing, softly:
Oh please say to me and let me be your man. And please say to me you'll let me hold your hand, Now let me hold your hand, I wanna hold your hand.
Lance rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but he can't help smiling. JC just does that to him. JC's voice, so melodic and lilting. It makes Lance all the more embarrassed for being so jealous. So taking JC's hand, Lance follows him. JC stops and turns to Lance, looking into his eyes. "There's no one else whose hand I wanna hold."
"Are you sure? Because, um, with this being our last tour for a while and with me being away, I'd, you know, understand if, um, you wanted to see other people."
"Do you?"
"Heck no! I love you, JC."
"I love you too. Why don't you believe me?"
"I do." Lance stops, leaning over the railing, looking out at the empty seats below. His voice sounds so loud to him in this empty arena, which hours earlier had been filled with screams. "It's just that . . . when I see the way you look and act with Joey, I get jealous."
"Anything that you see between me and Joey--that's just, you know, the song. You and me, we're real."
Lance starts bouncing his body against the railing. "How real?"
JC slips his arms around Lance's waist, pressing himself against Lance's back. "Really, really real."
JC's hardness is evident through their clothes, causing Lance to breathe deeply. "Show me."
"You want proof?" JC growls, grinding his erection against Lance.
Lance shuts his eyes and pushes back against JC's obvious bulge. "Yes."
"I can prove that I lust you that way," JC says. "But either you know I love you or you don't. Here." He lays a hand over Lance's heart.
Lance can hear his own heartbeat through his chest, through his clothes, through JC's hand. It beats for JC. "Can you feel it? It's beating for you."
"I can feel it," JC whispers, pressing his lips to Lance's ear.
JC's hot breath in Lance's ear sends a shiver down his spine. "I can feel it too," he whispers back.
JC moves his hand on Lance's chest in the rhythm of his heartbeat. His other hand drops lower.
Lance spreads his legs a bit. Pinned this way, holding onto the railing, he begins to breathe heavily, his eyes wandering the large, spacious coliseum, the fear of getting caught only heightening the excitement.
JC's hand boldly cups Lance's growing erection and he grinds his own erection against Lance's ass again. "Love you so much," he whispers.
"I love you too," Lance says softly, covering JC's hand with his own.
JC just holds Lance for a moment, then starts working the buttons on Lance's shirt. His other hand, still covered with Lance's squeezes Lance's erection lightly.
JC's warm breath on Lance's neck is like a soothing balm, but his insistent hardness presses uncomfortably against JC's hand, begging to be freed.
When JC finishes with the buttons on Lance's shirt, he moves on to his jeans, now using two hands to deal with button and zipper.
The cool air on his exposed skin gives Lance chill bumps, but they're quickly dissipated by JC's hot hands at his crotch.
JC slides his hand into the opening of Lance's jeans, caressing the heated flesh within. He kisses the side of Lance's neck and licks his way back up to his ear.
Lance reaches one hand up to cup JC's head and tangle his fingers in the soft curls of JC's hair.
Turning Lance's face to his with one hand, JC kisses Lance, lightly at first, but making it more intense with each passing second. He wraps his hand around Lance's erection and strokes it, feeling it grow even harder in his hand.
Lance's tongue snakes out of its own accord, seeking JC's tongue, needing to explore that warm, sweet mouth.
JC's tongue meets Lance's and the two tease and entwine. He begins working Lance's pants down over his hips, one-handed.
Lance's erection springs free, and he's suddenly aware of how exposed he is. But instead of being embarrassed, Lance becomes even more aroused. His kiss becomes more urgent, more feverish.
JC unfastens his own pants and rubs his erection against the smooth roundness of Lance's perfect ass.
Gripping the railing with both hands now, Lance readies himself. "Give it to me, JC."
Lance's words galvanize JC and he pushes slowly, cautiously into Lance, aware of the lack of lubricant but unable to hold himself back.
Lance braces himself and tilts his head downward, squeezing his eyes shut as JC penetrates him, but pushing back for more at the same time.
Enveloped in Lance's heat and tightness, JC pushes in until he can go no further, then pauses, waiting for Lance to relax. He licks at Lance's neck and ear and nips the tender earlobe.
With a sigh, Lance leans forward and spreads his legs more, any discomfort overshadowed by the pleasure of having JC's heat inside him. "It feels so good," he moans.
JC wraps his hand around Lance's erection again and strokes it as he begins slowly to move inside Lance. Lance rocks back against JC, panting along with the rhythm. He grunts quietly as he clutches the railing tightly and watches JC pump his throbbing organ.
JC thrusts a little harder and realizes the whole catwalk is swaying with their movement. That should be worrisome; instead it adds to the excitement of the moment. The creaking grows louder with each thrust, and Lance starts to giggle. "We're gonna break this thing."
"This thing holds all of us, dancing. I think it can stand up to a little lovemaking."
"A little?" Lance pushes back, taking in JC's length again.
"A lot. A LOT." JC drops his head to Lance's shoulder and concentrates on thrusting into Lance precisely, hoping to bring him the most pleasure possible. And he does. Lance turns his face up to the empty arena, at the seats that were earlier filled with screaming fans, and he remembers being on the catwalk with JC and Joey, only now he's alone with JC, just the two of them, sharing the most intimate act possible on that very catwalk. And it's that realization that finally brings on his climax.
As Lance's muscles clamp down on JC, as the sound of his passion reach JC's ears, JC comes too, fast and hot and oh, so sweet. The warmth spreads through Lance, all the way down to his toes. He literally feels his heart skip a beat as JC comes, and when it's over he remains with his hands on the railing, savoring the moment.
JC droops over Lance, panting, allowing the railing to support them both. "Wow," he gasps. "Just . . . wow."
"That was totally amazing. That was like the best sex we've ever had."
"That's how you make me feel every time."
"I do? Like that?"
"Don't you know that? I love making love with you."
"I guess I've been a little crazy lately."
"A little?"
Lance grins, glad JC can't see him blushing. "Okay, a LOT."
"That's better. So, we're okay now?"
Lance straightens, bringing JC with him and raises his pants. He turns in JC's arms and hugs him tightly. "Yes, we're okay. I'm sorry I doubted you."
"I'm sorry I gave you a reason to."
"You didn't. I read more into it than there was."
"Since our very first kiss, I haven't wanted anyone but you."
"Never? There wasn't one time when you thought about someone else?"
"Not once."
"What do you say we go back to the hotel and you can show me again how you never wanted anyone but me?"
"That's a great idea."
The next night, Joey, JC, and Lance ascend the walkway. JC turns to Joey and sings his line, and Joey grins. Lance moves to the opposite railing, places one hand on it, and smiles.