Forever Young: So You've Got a Hit Album, What Are You Going to Do Next?
by Karen and LB
© 2002
Number 22 in the series.
JC is bouncing with barely suppressed excitement. It feels weird to be back here. It feels great to be back here. Weirdly great. Greatly weird. "This is so cool," he whispers to Lance. "I can't believe I'm back here."
"They'll never let you go. Once a Mouseketeer, always a Mouseketeer."
"Very funny, Poo Fu."
"I was never on TV as Poo Fu."
"Still. He who lives in a glass dog house should not cast stones."
"Ha ha. I knew I never should have told you about--"
"Guys," Johnny cuts in. "We ready to get started or you want to share with the rest of the class?"
"Sorry, Johnny," Lance answers sheepishly. "It was JC's fault."
"We'll be good, Mr. Wright," JC singsongs.
Johnny shakes his head. After all this time he's amazed how he's got five of the most talented boys on the planet in his office yet they can still revert back to schoolboys at any given moment. "Good, because if you don't, I'm gonna make you stay after school and clean my blackboard. Now let's get down to business. You decided what songs you want to sing for the Disney show?"
The guys look at each other and nod, and Justin speaks. "Yeah, we think we have a pretty good lineup." They review the list of songs, and Johnny approves, making a few suggestions about switching the order. Then they talk about wardrobe and some of the other more business-related aspects of the show. Chris, fidgety as usual, is practically bouncing off the walls by the time they're done.
"Can we go see the stage now?" JC is eager to start envisioning their show on this stage.
Johnny checks his watch. "Let me call and see if they're not using it."
There's a pause, and Lance makes note of JC's excitement. He loves seeing his friend hyped up like this, especially after the grueling months in Europe. He also realizes how much JC must be glad to be back home with his friends and people he hasn't seen in a while. "Is it gonna be weird for you to be back at Disney?"
"Yeah. A little. It's like--it's familiar after being so many different places and stuff, but it's changed, too."
"How?"
"Did you ever go visit your old school when you went back home? It's like, you go to the same place and you expect to see the same people or something. Like I expect to turn around and see a little 12-year-old Justin."
Lance glances over at Justin, who's tussling with Chris for a nerf football. "You're not that far off. Yeah, I know what you mean. But this'll give your friends a chance to see what we've been doing all this time. For real. Not just some small club or high school show. And it's gonna be on TV. Wow."
"Yeah. That's why it's great and weird at the same time? Does that make any sense? This could totally change our lives."
"It'll get us out there. But it's not gonna change us. We'll still be doing things the way we've done them, right?"
"You know it. You have my permission to smack me if I change for the worse, okay?"
"That could never happen. I don't think you've been bad one whole day in your life."
"Maybe you should ask my mom about that."
Lance grins mischievously. "I think I will."
Johnny gets off the phone and turns to the boys. "We can go over and check out the stage now if you want."
"I'm driving!" Chris shouts.
"Actually, Lou's sending a car. He wants to see you."
"What did we do wrong this time?" JC mutters under his breath.
Lance throws his arm around JC. "I think we breathed in the last show, and the one before that we blinked."
"You're right. I DID breathe. I'm a horrible, horrible person."
"Really, JC, you ruined it for the rest of us. You should be punished."
"Ooh, YOU could punish me."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Lance takes advantage of the few seconds no one is watching them and pats JC's ass.
"Harder!" JC manages to whisper as they climb into the car.
Lance feels his face heat up, and he laughs it off. "Later, I'll--"
"What the heck are you two doing?" Chris exclaims with a scowl.
"Nothing." Lance whispers to JC, "Now you're REALLY in trouble."
"Uh oh," JC says and they start giggling, while Chris rolls his eyes and Justin stares out the window, ignoring them.
When they arrive at Disney, they're still laughing, and as they pile out of the car Lou is waiting for them. He studies Lance, who has his arm draped over JC's shoulder, and glowers. "Hello, boys. Good to see you."
For one moment, the glare is so powerful, so penetrating, that JC is tempted to throw Lance's arm off, but he stops himself, reminding himself who's truly important to him. Besides aren't they--all the guys--always all over each other?
Lou leads them over to the stage area, which is being set up for the show the next night; there are crew members everywhere, but in spite of the chaos the boys jump on the stage and dance around. "This is great!" Joey shouts. Lance laughs, looking out over the audience area. It seems to stretch out for miles. He doesn't even notice the crew members setting up the seats. But Lou notices and thinks Lance is looking at them. "You like it, boys?" Lou says, in what he thinks of as his charming manner. Then, more quietly "A moment of your time, Lance." He puts a chubby hand on Lance's shoulder as they walk a few paces away. "I think it's about time you got yourself a girlfriend."
"I'm sorry--what?"
"A girlfriend, Lance. You HAVE heard of them?"
"Yeah, Lou. I don't understand why. We don't have time for girlfriends. Chris hardly gets to see Dani as it is."
"That doesn't matter, as long as you're seen with her publicly."
"But I still don't understand why. Why me?"
"Look, I know you've worked really hard, and even I have to admit you've improved, but you're still coming off kind of, well, girly. We think having you seen with a girl will help."
"Who's we? Lou, I don't want to just date anyone. Dating's important to me. And we're so busy."
"You want to do what's best for the band, don't you?"
"Of course! But I don't see how my having a girlfriend will benefit the band"
"It's about image, that's all."
"How is this going to help our image? Lou, I can't just pick some girl and date her."
"People in this business do it all the time. Bottom line is, you've got to look less, well, less gay. And this is the way to do it. Understood?"
Like a mouse trapped by the hawk, Lance freezes. How could Lou know? They've been so careful. His eyes dart around and he catches JC onstage, jumping around, laughing, having the time of his life. He doesn't know. Lou doesn't know about JC. Lance knows there's only one way to protect their relationship. "Yeah, whatever."
"I knew you were a smart kid. Now, you go ahead and think about it. I'm sure you can think of someone who'll make appearances with you. And if you can't, we will." Lou walks away without another word.
Lance stares after him. He knows the threat is real and if he weren't so annoyed it would almost be funny. Suddenly, he doesn't feel much like cavorting on the stage. So he sits down on the edge and watches his friends.
Joey happens to look up and notices Lance looking small and forlorn there. He nudges JC who glances over, then immediately goes to sit down next to Lance. "What did he want?"
"Nothing. It's stupid."
"Nothing, huh? And that's why you're sitting here looking like you've been kicked in the stomach."
This brings a smile to Lance's lips. "How many times you seen someone get kicked in the stomach?"
"Okay, none, but that's still what you looked like."
"I'm okay. Lou wants me to date someone. A girl."
"Isn't he the one who keeps telling us we SHOULDN'T look like we're dating anyone?"
"Yeah, he does. If he doesn't think you're gay."
"He SAID that?"
"Well, not in so many words. But I think he suspects something. Me, anyway. Not us. Not you. So I think I'm gonna have to do it. If he finds out about us . . . " Lance trails off, his mind imagining the worst.
"That's so not fair. It's my fault as much as it is yours. And you're getting punished for it?"
"It's no one's fault, JC. It's not like we're doing anything bad. I mean, we're not, are we?"
"No," JC says emphatically. "And I didn't mean to make it sound that way. I just don't like seeing you put in this position."
"It sucks, but I'd rather it be me than you. I could ask Keri to do it, but I hate using her like that."
"At least you could explain it to her and not have her thinking it was going to turn into something more. And why is it better that it's you and not me?"
"Well, first of all, Keri knows. About me. About . . . us. So we wouldn't have to worry about that. But I couldn't kiss her. Not like that. She's like a sister, And second of all, if Lou found out about you--you sing lead. He couldn't get rid of you but he'd make your life miserable."
"Yeah. I guess. I just don't like him forcing you into something you don't want. I wish . . . "
"What?"
"You know. All the impossible stuff. That we lived in a world where this didn't matter. That I could walk up to Lou and say 'No, Lance can't date some girl, because he's dating me' and not have him be able to hurt us with it."
"You ARE in Disney World, dude!" Lance laughs, shaking his head and staring at the ground. "Someday, we will. Someday we'll be able to walk down the street holding hands and no one will care. And we would be able to do that if we weren't who we are. Look, I'm not crazy about this, but I'll do it if it'll help the group. We always said the group comes first."
"You're not going to . . . you're not going to start dating someone else and fall in love are you?"
Lance's head whips up at the shock of those words. Then he falls back on the stage, laughing so hard he has trouble breathing, drawing puzzled looks from some of the crew members. "Fall . . . someone else . . . OH! You're killing me, JC!" Then, lowering his voice, he adds, "Josh, in case you haven't noticed I'm not exactly interested in girls."
"Fine. Laugh at my insecurities."
"I'm sorry," Lance says, breathlessly. "But seriously, it's not like I'm really going to be DATING someone else."
"Just as long as you're really not. Wow. I never thought of myself as the possessive type."
Still laying on the stage with his legs dangling over the edge, Lance turns his head toward JC. "I kind of like it when you're possessive."
"Yeah?" JC almost reaches over to touch Lance's hair, but he remembers where they are and stops himself. "Um, we should probably get back to the other guys . . . "
Lance sits up quickly, suddenly aware of where they are. "Oh, yeah. Hey, we have a show to rehearse."
"Yeah, just a minor, little show. The usual."
"Yeah, no big deal. Just a couple of fans, maybe."
"Yeah, and toy TV cameras."
"Yeah, like maybe one person will be watching."
"Two. Your mom and Justin's mom."
"What about your mom and dad? And Joey's parents. And Chris's mom. Okay, so like maybe 10 people will be watching."
"A CROWD!"
"Woo hoo!"
"What are you two so hyped about?" Justin asks from the rear of the stage.
"Oh, nothing. Just some show we're supposed to do here," Lance answers, nonchalantly.
"Well, you better get your ass up off the floor 'cause we've gotta rehearse."
"Yeah, we were just getting a feel for the place . . . "
"Well, feel something else, like the lineup for the show."
JC gets up. "Like we haven't gone over it a million times already."
"So, let's do a million and one times. C'mon, you guys can play later."
"Okay, let's do it." Once they get started, JC is totally into it, and they do a full run-through of their show on the unfamiliar stage.
****
Sweaty and tired yet exhilarated, Lance wipes his face with a towel. "JC, how about we get some of your friends together tonight. You haven't seen them in a while and I bet they'd like to see you."
"Yeah, that would be great. If Cruella de Lou doesn't have any surprise appearances set up for us."
Lance cracks up. "Not until we tape the Disney stuff tomorrow. Until then, Cinderella, we're on our own."
"Gee, thanks, Goofy."
"Boy, that's the thanks I get for whisking you off to the ball? Maybe I will find another date."
"Aw, you'll always be my Prince Charming."
"Then come on. I want to get cleaned up. We can have everyone over at my place if you want."
"We should tell Joey. He always seems to have everyone's phone numbers."
And that's exactly what they do. Within minutes the word is spread and Lance and JC head over to Lance's place to get ready and go shopping for supplies. On the drive back to the apartment, Lance says, "We're not gonna have much time alone tonight, so I just wanted to make sure we're clear on this girlfriend thing. It's just for show. You know how much I love you, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do. I just get a little insecure sometimes, you know?"
"You don't have to. Even when we can't be together, I'm thinking of you. Like tonight--all I'm gonna be doing is picturing you naked."
"That could be arranged."
Lance grins and grips the wheel. "Yeah? When?"
"We could pretend not to hear the doorbell."
"Aw, now what will your friends think?"
"I guess you're right. I could pass them chips naked."
"And where are they supposed to dip them?"
"Okay, bad idea. You'll have to stick with just imagining."
"Thanks. That's really gonna help. It's bad enough I can't even hold your hand tonight."
"But you know, it's cool that we just get to do something like this together. Normal stuff. Grocery shopping and having friends over."
"Yeah. I love just hanging out with you. It's not like we get to do this every day. And I like your friends."
"Cool. This is really going to be fun. I have the best boyfriend in the world."
Blushing at the word, Lance keeps his eyes focused on the road until they arrive at the apartment. He knows if he looks at JC they'll end up in some huge accident and that will be the end of their oh-so- promising careers.
One thing Lance's mother has always been good at is throwing a party, and she passed that trait down to her son. So by the time Joey, Justin, Chris, and their friends arrive everything's just about ready. Of course, now is also the time when Lance regretfully but necessarily kicks into "we're just friends" mode.
It still amazes JC when Lance turns into a host. He's just so good at it. Left to himself, JC might not even pour the chips into bowls, yet Lance manages to make even the simplest munchies look good. And he manages to make everyone feel at home in about three seconds flat. JC catches Lance's eye across the room and sends him a secret smile.
Lance is busy chatting up one of JC's high school friends when he senses JC looking at him. He feels the heat rise in his cheeks as he returns the smile. It would be so easy to just yell out, "JC Chasez is my BOYFRIEND"-- but he doesn't. Instead, he throws his attention on his guests, making sure everyone has a drink, making sure the CDs keep playing, making sure JC's having a good time. He knows that it's not only the group that takes up so much of his time now, it's this relationship, so he wants JC to have as much time as he wants with his other friends.
JC watches Lance disappear into the kitchen for the umpteenth time, but this time he decides to follow. He picks up an empty bowl and excuses himself, setting off, he says, in search of pretzels. "Hey, you," he says softly as he comes up behind Lance.
Lance jumps, worried someone will see them and just KNOW. "Hey, what can I get you?"
"Nothing. Well, I pretended to come in for pretzels."
"JC, if anyone sees us they might think, you know."
"Then give me some pretzels. You know, Lance, these are my friends. You don't have to be QUITE so worried."
Lance rips open a bag of pretzels and pours it into the bowl, making sure none spill over. "But they don't know you're gay. I don't think this is the time for them to find out."
"Probably not. But how 'bout you come out and relax for a while. Everything's going fine. And you're working too hard."
"This isn't work. This is fun. I just want to make sure everyone's having a good time."
"Babe, the caterer at your house warming didn't work this hard and she was getting paid."
"Let me just put this out and I'll join you, okay?"
"Good." JC manages to squeeze Lance's hand as he takes the bowl of pretzels from him.
"Hey!" But JC is already in the next room. Lance shakes his head and follows him out, and soon he gets caught up in another conversation. As the night wears on the crowd thins out, and soon there's a small, core group settled in the living room. After disposing of some of the empty cups and plates, Lance settles on the floor at JC's feet.
The conversation becomes quieter, more desultory, and Joey, bored, looks around for amusement. He finds it in a bow of Smartfood, a piece of which he flings at Lance.
"Hey, dude, you wanna stay and clean up?"
"No." And he flings another piece.
Lance tosses it back. "Dude, cut it out."
"He's so cute when he's pissy. Isn't he cute when he's pissy?" Joey asks the cute brunette sitting next to him.
"I'm not pissy. I just don't want to have to spend all morning cleaning up."
"Okay. I'll stop," Joey deadpans, then flings another piece in Lance's direction. This one lands down his shirt.
Without a thought, JC reaches down to remove the popcorn from inside Lance's shirt.
Lance jumps and almost falls back on the floor. "Um, that's okay, thanks."
"Sorry," JC mutters. "I could just, you know, see it really well from here."
"Hey, Josh, what you doin' looking down Lance's shirt?" Tony asks.
"Looking for popcorn," JC says easily and pops a piece into his mouth.
Tony decides to play along. "Hey, Lance, any more down there?" he asks, pulling at his shirt.
"No. Go bother Joey."
"You were right, Joe," Tony says. "He IS cute when he's pissy."
"I think he's cute even when he's not pissy," says Kelly in defense. "C'mon, I'll help you clean up." She rises and pulls Lance to his feet.
Lance looks over his shoulder and makes a face at Joey as Kelly leads him by the hand into the kitchen. "So," she says, searching for an empty garbage bag. "Are you seeing anyone?"
Lance fidgets at the sink. "Um, no, not exactly."
"Not exactly?"
"Well, you know, we're busy all the time."
"So you're not seeing anyone."
"No, not really. I mean, I date when I can."
"But you're not seeing anyone seriously?
Lance swallows. He hates lying but he can't exactly tell her the truth. He likes Kelly--he likes all of JC's friends--but he can't tell her. Not now. "No. Why?"
"Just curious. I have some friends who I think you'd really like. Cute friends."
"Um, that's really great, Kelly, but I really don't have time--"
Kelly smiles, thinking Lance is just being shy. "It's okay. Maybe I'll bring them to one of your shows and introduce you."
"Oh, yeah. Sure. That'd be okay, I guess."
JC comes in with some empty glasses and sets them on the counter. "Anything I can do?"
"Yeah, why don't you take over--Kelly's our--my--guest and she shouldn't be working."
JC holds his hand out for the trash bag. Kelly tries to refuse, but JC says "You better get back out there. Joey may start throwing popcorn again."
"Joey!" Kelly yells, and storms back into the next room.
"Thanks," Lance says, relieved.
JC grins. "I wouldn't let popcorn get ground into your rug. Well, not TOO much."
"I think it's too late for that. But I meant . . . you know, coming in here."
"You're not mad at me for, you know . . . "
"No! Heck, no. I'm sorry I freaked out like that."
"It's okay." JC crunches up some empty chip bags and pushes them into the trash. "It's just hard to remember that I can't be open around other people. I'm so used to the guys."
"I know. I don't think people 'get' us. They must think we're all--"
"All what?" Tony pokes his head, curious about what exactly Lance meant.
"Freaks."
"That goes without saying. Listen, dude, we're gonna take off. JC, you need a ride?"
"No, I'm gonna stay and help Lance clean up after all you slobs."
"Since when did you get all domestic, Chasez?"
"Since Lance was nice enough to let me have all of you over here."
"Maybe if you got your own place you wouldn't have to mooch off your friends. Great party, Lance. Thanks for having us."
"Hey, glad you could come," Lance says with a smile. He follows Tony into the next room to say good-bye, and little by little everyone clears out, leaving Lance and JC alone. Lance busies himself with gathering the remaining trash from around the room. He's lost in thought and almost forgets he isn't alone.
JC looks up from where he's picking up popcorn from the rug. Joey! he thinks with a rueful grin. "Hey, what's up? You look like you're a million miles away."
"Huh? Oh, I was just thinking."
"'Bout what?"
Lance stops what he's doing and stares at the floor, biting his nails. "Kelly said she has some friends she could fix me up with."
"Oh," JC says, feeling irrationally jealous. He shakes himself as if to shake the jealousy off and rises, walking over to stand behind Lance and putting his hands on Lance's shoulders. "What are you going to tell her?"
"I don't know. It might be a good idea, to just do it and get it over with. That sounds so bad--this is a real person. I don't want anyone to get hurt."
"Yeah, and anyone Kelly introduces you to is gonna be nice. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I think it should either be someone you can tell the truth to, or else, you know, one of those arranged things where she needs the press and you need the press . . . "
Lance considers. "Yeah, that's good. That would be something we could both live with." He shakes his head, laughing bitterly. "Listen to me--I sound just like all those people we make fun of."
JC leans his head against Lance's shoulder. "This sucks. It's just wrong that we have to do this. That YOU have to do this."
"I know. I feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't do."
"You are." JC slides his hands down Lance's arms and wraps them around Lance's waist. "This is supposed to be the best time of our lives."
"Somebody needs to tell Lou that." Lance considers this, then leans back against his closest friend. "We should get to bed. We have to be at the shoot early tomorrow."
"Okay." JC squeezes Lance lightly. "Thanks for tonight, baby."
"You're welcome." For the first time since everyone left, Lance smiles, a genuine, smile. "I liked doing it. I like seeing you happy."
"Well, that's something you do extremely well--making me happy."
"Could we just . . . go to sleep tonight?"
"If that's what you want, that's what we'll do."
"You're not mad?"
"What, do you think I only like you for sex?"
"You don't?"
JC turns Lance in his arms to look into his face. "That better not be a serious question."
"No. No, I know you don't. I'm sorry, I'm just tired. I promise, tomorrow night it'll be different. Just you and me."
"C'mon, tired boy," JC says, releasing Lance but taking his hand to lead him to the bedroom. "Let's get you to bed.
It's one of the many things Lance loves about JC: how sensitive he can be to others' needs. As they get ready for bed, Lance marvels over the comfort level they've reached in such a short time. And when they curl up, spoon-style, Lance sighs, content. For now.