Forever Young: Here and Now
by Karen and LB
© 2002
Number 13 in the series.
JC is the first one to see the arrangement for the movie soundtrack song they were going to be doing. He immediately sits down and starts sight- reading the melody, humming quietly as he works his way down the staves. This is really beautiful, he thinks, as he works through Chris's part, then Justin's, then his own, ignoring the harmonies for now to get a sense of the melody in his head. He keeps going until he stops dead on the words that suddenly catapults this to the top of his list of favorite songs. "Lance:"
JC jumps up and goes to look for Lance. He finds him in his usual spot at this time of the afternoon if they don't have any appearances--in the dance studio working through the steps that evade him less and less. JC waits while Lance completes the sequence he's been working on, then walks up to him, flourishing the sheet music. "Look!"
"Wow, a song, what do you know?" Lance's sarcasm passes without comment, and when he takes note of JC's enthusiastic bounce he wipes his sweat-drenched face on a towel and reaches for the papers. "This is pretty good," he mutters as he peruses the words. "This is--huh? I got a line?"
"Yep! Isn't it great?"
"Yeah, great." Lance brings his fingers to his mouth and begins working on a nail. It's not like he doesn't like to sing alone, it's just that he's always felt more comfortable singing harmony or backup. But it would be a good challenge and it does seem like a good song. Still, all those people watching him . . . "When do we record?"
"Next week. You don't seem too happy about this. You know you deserve it and you know you can do it. I'll even coach you on it if you want."
"You would? I mean, I'm not really nervous about it. It's just that I never really expected to sing solo; I like doing what I'm doing and I know it's only a line, but still. I'd like to hear the whole thing first."
"Well, come on. Let's go back to the hotel and after you shower, we can start working it through on keyboard."
It's times like this that Lance is grateful not only that JC is his boyfriend but that's he's his friend as well. They've gotten closer over time, but they also have been able to work so well together that Lance can't imagine working with anyone else. And he's glad he doesn't have to. After showering Lance is able to think clearer, and hearing the song come out of JC's voice gives him chill bumps. He could listen to that voice all day. When JC cues him on his line, Lance sings it softly, tentatively, but as they work through it he gains confidence. It's easy with JC sitting here; it's going to be different when there are 10 people standing around listening.
JC can hear Lance's delivery get better and more confident with each time he sings the line. He's so proud of his boy, and he loves how the line sounds in Lance's rich tones.
"Whatcha workin' on?" Justin, having heard the music, wanders in, trailed by Chris.
"Here and Now," JC replies. "The soundtrack thing we're recording next week."
"Cool." Justin hears Joey going by and yells out the door. "Hey, get in here. JC's got the new song."
"Cool. Let's hear it." Joey bounds in and flops on the bed next to Lance.
JC starts playing again, and the boys all start sketching in their parts, until Lance sings his line, looking straight at JC, who looks back, smiling encouragingly. Justin, Chris, and Joey stop singing and turn around to stare at Lance, grinning.
Sensing all eyes on him, Lance stops. "What?"
"You sound great, that's what." Justin's practically bouncing with excitement.
"It's about time they let you sing something," Joey chimes in.
"Yeah," Chris says absently, looking from Lance to JC and back.
Lance knows how red his face must be, and he glances over at JC. "It's only one line, guys, no big deal."
"Yeah, but at least with this song we ALL get a solo," Joey adds. "And you do sound great."
"Thanks, guys. It's a great song and JC has some great ideas for it."
"Let's sing through it again," Joey urges, and they all wait for JC to play the introduction. Lance listens to the notes and studies JC's face as he plays. He's oblivious to everything else except the music. But Chris notices, and he watches Lance watching JC.
That night, after the show, JC and Lance disappear. They've become adept at this--finding spots in hotels where they can be alone. This hotel has an unlocked door leading to the roof and they slip out, finding a sheltered corner where they can kiss and hold each other and talk. Tonight, JC is still so excited that he can barely keep still. "I can't wait to get into the studio. This song's going to be amazing. YOU are going to be amazing."
"It's one line, JC."
"I know. But that doesn't mean I can't be excited for you, does it? Proud of you?"
"Okay, so it's kind of cool. But you know I'd be fine without it. I knew when I signed on that I wouldn't be singing lead."
"Yeah, I know you did. But I'm really glad everyone's gonna get to hear how good you are."
"I just like that we all get a part. It's a real collaboration, you know? And thanks for helping me work on it today," Lance says, giving JC's hand a squeeze.
"That's the best part of doing this, the working together. Well, almost the best part." JC leans in and kisses Lance lightly.
"I like this part a lot," Lance replies, kissing JC back. "And this part. And this part," he repeats, kissing his boyfriend again and again.
"It's so good that we can agree on what's important," JC murmurs against Lance's lips before kissing him again, more lingeringly.
Lance has his hand on JC's chest, and now it slides down between JC's legs. "You're an inspiration."
"Oh, really? What do I inspire you to do?"
"Lots of things. Sing better. Dance better. Oh, and this." Lance begins to rub the spot where his hand is, already feeling the swell beneath.
"And you just keep getting better at all of them." JC kisses Lance again, his tongue slipping between open lips to caress teeth and tongue.
Lance receives JC's tongue eagerly, and hungrily meets it with his own. He flicks open the button of JC's pants and slips his hand inside. So familiar has this become to Lance that he almost doesn't even have to think about it. But every time he does it he's amazed at how lucky he is to have JC in his life. To have such freedom. As his hand finds the stiffness in JC's shorts, he wraps his hand around its length and strokes rhythmically, as though his hand is singing its own melody.
JC presses deep into Lance's mouth as if exploring the now familiar territory for the first time. Lance's own flavor, at once sweet and fresh and masculine, floods his senses, and JC's hands roam over Lance's body seemingly at random, but finding spots that make Lance quiver.
Lance groans into the kiss, but throws his concentration onto JC's pleasure. He strokes firmly, purposefully, loving the feel of JC's heat in his hand.
JC pulls away from Lance's mouth to drop down to his neck, kissing the sensitive flesh there. His wandering hands finally find their way to the hot bulge in the front of Lance's pants, and Lance's hand on his own erection draws from him a long moan, which he muffles against Lance's throat.
Lance tightens his grip and strokes faster as the lips on his neck create such a sensation he can barely contain himself. "Oh, Josh," he whispers.
JC can feel the whisper all the way down his spine and he can't hold on any longer. His orgasm bursts from him and into Lance's hand.
Wrapping his other arm around JC, Lance pulls him close, waiting until his lover becomes still before removing his hand. He smiles as he cradles JC's head to his shoulder. "Now THAT was inspiring."
"Yeah, it was. It inspires me to do this." JC's hand is still lying against Lance's hot stiffness, and he swiftly unbuttons and unzips his pants, dropping down in one graceful movement to take Lance's already twitching erection into his mouth.
"OH MY . . . ," Lance practically screams, not expecting this at all. "B-but Josh, we have to get back and--ohhhhhhhhhhhh," he moans, succumbing to the warmth surrounding his throbbing erection.
JC's mouth curves into a smile even as he moves up and down Lance's heated erection. He loves listening to the sounds Lance makes, words or not, when JC is pleasing him. Talk about inspiring. JC slides his hands under Lance's ass, lifting him up and squeezing the firm round globes.
Lance arches his back against the cool brick wall and gazes up at the star- filled sky. He bites his lip to keep from crying out, although that's exactly what he wants to do. He wants to scream to the world, "I LOVE JOSH CHASEZ!" but he knows that will not only result in the end of his career but probably an arrest of some kind. Indecent exposure? Lewd behavior in a public place? Lance doesn't care. Right now, all he cares about is the warm, wet mouth surrounding his pulsing organ, and as he grips JC's back he turns his head and whimpers softly as his orgasm shoots through him.
JC holds Lance tightly until his orgasm subsides, then releases him and looks up, smiling. He pulls himself up until he's looking into Lance's eyes.
"Okay, NOW we can go back."
"Well, if YOU say so," Lance growls, then kisses JC, tasting himself mixed with JC's own unique flavor. He zips his pants, then rises, pulling JC with him. "Man, I can't wait till we get back to Orlando so I can have you all to myself." He leads JC by the hand through the door to the stairwell, and as they reach their hallway, Joey rounds the corner. Joey looks up, bleary-eyed and puzzled. "Hey. Where you guys been?"
"Um, we were just--what are you doing up?" Lance asks, attempting to change the subject.
"I'm getting a soda. You didn't answer the question. What's upstairs?"
"'Nothin'," answers JC. "We were getting soda, too. We went to see if the soda machine upstairs had any different kinds of soda, but it didn't. Right, Lance?"
"Yeah, right." Lance stares at his feet, hoping Joey will let this drop.
But he doesn't. "I dunno, Scoop. Sneaking off past your curfew? What would your mama say?"
"She'd say I don't have a curfew anymore."
"Hey, C, I think our little boy's all grown up now."
"I think he has been for a while, and you just didn't notice." JC yawns. "Well, I'm tired, so if you're done being the Spanish Inquisition . . . "
"Wait, I haven't given you the comfy chair yet." And with that, he grabs JC by the waist and drags him down the hall, laughing. Lance shakes his head, grinning back and calls out, "I'll see you tomorrow!" He heads to his own room, which he's sharing with Justin this time.
When he enters the room he sees Justin is still up, listening to a CD on his headphones. "Hey man, where you been?"
"Just talking to JC."
"Oh." Justin closes his eyes and returns to his music; in the back of his mind is an unasked question. But he lets it go because he realizes he's probably just reading too much into it.
As JC gets ready for bed, ignoring Joey's weird looks, he wonders if it's time that he and Lance tell the rest of the guys about their relationship. He's asleep before he reaches any conclusion.
The rest of the week passes uneventfully, with the usual flurry of interviews, shows, and TV appearances. By the time they're ready to head into the studio to record Here and Now, the boys have got their parts down. Lance watches outside the booth as Chris and Justin lay down the initial track for the melodies. He sips anxiously on his water, waiting his turn. Everything's going great. Until a door opens and they hear a familiar, falsely jovial voice booming, "Hello, boys." They all jump. Finally Joey manages, "Hi, Lou. Didn't expect to see you here."
Lance takes another swig from his bottle. Suddenly his throat is very, very dry. "I thought I'd fly out and surprise you." He hands them copies of their latest single.
"Cool!" Justin exclaims. But he knows that's not the only reason Lou is here.
"I also wanted to see if everything's going on schedule."
"Sure Lou," says Chris. "It's going great. We just laid down the background vocals and we're about to do the solos."
Great, Lance thinks. Just in time for the big show.
"Then I'm right on time," Lou says with a smile, most unpleasant. "I hear we've got quite a variety of solos. Do you think that's wise, when we're just developing recognition of your boys' sound?"
"It's what Mr. Wolf wants," JC says quietly. "It's why he wanted us in the first place."
"We'll see, but . . . ," Lou is interrupted when Peter Wolf, the producer, finishes the adjustments he'd been making and comes over. "Who's first?" He looks from boy to boy, then seeing how jittery Lance is, says kindly, "Why don't we start with you, son. Get it over with."
The day just keeps getting better and better. Lance was looking forward to this before the circus came to town. He's so relaxed when it's just the guys, but now he's got a whole audience. He tries not to look at any one face for too long, and as he enters the recording booth he decides to focus on one thing and one thing only.
JC watches Lance find his place in the booth and settle the headphones on his head. He can see the effort that it's costing Lance not to look terrified. He finds a spot that he knows is clearly visible from inside the booth and stands there to give support.
Peter waits until Lance is settled, then says, "Ready, Lance? Nice and easy, just like we practiced." He starts the music leading into Lance's solo.
Lance misses the cue and comes in too late. "Sorry," he mutters, shifting on the stool and clearing his throat. The second time he hits the cue but is too soft.
"Punch it up just a notch," Peter instructs. "You have a beautiful voice. Let's hear it."
Lance smiles shyly, adjusting his headphones. He breathes in and out, then focuses on the song. When hears the cue, he sings the line and waits for the inevitable, "Let's do it again, more this, more that."
"Beautiful. I knew you had it in you. Let's get one more to be on the safe side." He touches the dials and knobs that will cue up the music. "Wait. Better yet, JC, get in there and do your part, too. We'll get a smoother transition."
"Okay," Hiding his smile, JC goes into the booth and settles onto a stool.
"Ready?" Peter asks.
"All set." JC replies.
Lance feels his face get hot at the mere proximity of his boyfriend in the small booth. When the other guys were in here, he didn't think about it. But it's not like he and JC usually have much opportunity to sing together. In fact, Lance can't remember a time when it was just the two of them. He tries to stay focused, and as the music cues he thinks about the words and how this path led him to JC. Lou watches intently, and Chris, standing off to the side, makes another mental note. Something's been nagging at him all day, but he hasn't wanted to bring it up to the other guys. Soon, Lance's voice fills the booth, strong and clear, joined by JC as he picks up the line. Lance grins when they're done, and he has this urge to hug JC, but remembers his audience and merely looks at the floor.
Lou leans into the mike. "Why don't we try one with just JC?"
Peter is furious. "I think I know how I want to produce my song, thank you." He stares Lou down until Lou suddenly remembers an appointment. Peter looks back into the booth. "That was perfect, Lance. Perfect. JC, why don't we do the rest of your vocals, while you're in there?"
"Okay. I'm ready." JC watches as Lance gathers up his water bottle to leave. "Great job, Lance."
"Thanks," he mumbles. He's never been very good with praise, even when he knows he did a good job. But instead of heading to the lounge Lance takes a seat by the board to watch.
Every time JC looks up, he sees Lance, sitting quietly in the control room and he's hard-pressed to keep the smile off his face. He's so proud of Lance, and he feels like they've won a victory against Lou today as well. When he's done recording his parts, JC joins Lance at the board, both to be close to Lance and to watch the producer and engineers at work.
Lance fidgets with one of the dials, giggling every time his hand is swatted away. He's feeling great; he loves this song and he really is feeling good about his part. Lou or no Lou. Just being able to sing with JC made it all worth it. As JC reaches for one of the knobs, Lance reaches for the same one and their hands touch. Lance doesn't pull back immediately.
Justin comes up behind them. "What are you guys doing?" They both jump guiltily. "Aren't you bored just sitting around in here?"
"Uh, no, Just. I like watching them work."
"Yeah, it's kind of cool," Lance adds.
"Well, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat."
Lance shrugs, then stands. "We might as well. They don't need us right now."
JC looks over at Peter who nods his assent, and the three head out, stopping in the lounge to see if Chris wants to join them. He doesn't, but he watches them carefully as they go out the door.
They're back before long, and the rest of the evening passes uneventfully. Later, back at the hotel, they're heading to Justin and Lance's room to watch movies when Chris pulls JC aside. "Hey, C, can I talk to you a minute?"
"Yeah, sure. What's up?"
Chris leads JC to his room and closes the door. "Man, I don't even know how to ask this, and I'm probably way out of line, but . . . what's the deal with you and Lance?"
"What do you mean? What deal?"
"Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't really there, but you guys have been spending a lot of time together. And there are these . . . looks."
"So we hang out. We're friends." JC wonders if he should just tell Chris. But, no. He can't do that without talking it over with Lance first.
"JC, we're friends and I don't . . . never mind. I don't even know what I'm saying."
"Obviously, Psychology Boy."
"This has nothing to do with psychology. This is all about my stellar powers of observation. Oh, forget it."
"I'm trying. Let's go watch movies."
Lance is stretched out on his bed, Joey is on the floor, and Justin is on his bed. When JC enters the room, Lance smiles and motions with his head so subtly he knows JC will be the only one to notice. They've developed this silent language over their time together. But JC isn't the only one who notices.
Chris deliberately sits on the edge of Lance's bed, leaving JC to join Justin on his bed or Joey on the floor, and proceeds to amuse himself by watching Lance and JC fidget. Nothing going on, my ass, Chris muses as he watches them turn toward one another repeatedly. Like frigging sunflowers to the sun.
Finally, JC announces that he's going for a soda. "Does anyone else want one?" As he expected, Lance offers to go with him.
As soon as they get out in the hall, JC says, "We've got to tell them."
"Why?" Lance leans against the wall as though the air is seeping out of him. "I know. But why now? They don't know. They don't have to know. Not yet."
"Chris just asked me what's going on, and after the other night, I think Joey suspects something too. I don't think we have much choice."
"No choice? It's like we don't have any choice about anything anymore. They're gonna freak. And what about Lou? I don't think he wants to finance a bunch of fags."
JC's voice goes cold. "I'm not talking about telling Lou. I'm talking about telling the guys. Our friends, our brothers. But maybe if that's how you think of us, there's nothing to tell." JC walks off in the direction of the soda machine.
"Wait, JC, wait!" Lance catches up to his friend and grabs his arm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like . . . I'm not ashamed of who I am and I'm not ashamed of us. I'm just a little scared."
JC's voice softens again. "I know, baby. I am, too. It doesn't have to be tonight. But it's gotta be soon."
"Maybe we should do it in a public place so they can't do anything. It's gonna change everything."
"Have some faith in them, Lance."
Faith--is that what's it come down to? Lance thinks about that for a moment, then nods. "I wish I could keep you all to myself."
"I know." JC touches Lance's hand. "But at least we don't have to do this alone."
"So when do we do this? How do we do this? I think we should get them some place where there's no distractions."
"Chris could be distracted by air."
"You've got a point. Maybe we should just do it now and get it over with. And after . . . man, I need you, Josh."
"After, I'm all yours." They're in the alcove where the soda and ice machines are, and no one's around, so JC gathers Lance into a hug. "Not to mention before and during."
"No matter what happens, I love you."
"No matter what."
Lance reluctantly lets go, and after they purchase some sodas from the machine they head back to the room. Lance feels as though the hallway suddenly got longer, and he dreads opening the door. But he does.
They walk in and Chris immediately pounces. "What took you so long?"
JC waits until Chris is about to pop the top on his soda and says, dryly, "Just making sure we shook your Coke up properly." Chris pulls his hand back as if he's gotten an electric shock and drops the soda. "Then we figured we didn't have to--you'd do it for us."
As everyone laughs at Chris's expression, Joey chimes in. "Oh, I figured maybe you'd gone to another floor to see if they had other kinds of soda--you know, like the other night."
"We weren't looking for soda," Lance mumbles. No sense beating around the bush. "Oh? What were you looking for? Babes?"
"Nope."
"I know," Justin chimes in, thinking the punchline is coming. "You were looking for a quiet place to be alone." He slaps Joey on the back, laughing.
"Yep," says JC.
The laughter continues until Justin realizes Lance isn't laughing. And neither is JC.
Wordlessly, JC reaches over and takes Lance's hand and they stand quietly and solidly as the laughter dies.
Joey gives it one more try. "Good one, guys."
"It's not a joke, Joey."
"Yeah right. So what, you two are . . . ha!"
Lance turns his eyes to the floor.
Chris stops laughing and looks at the two boys. "You're not kidding, are you?"
"No. I'm sorry I lied to you earlier, Chris. I couldn't say anything till I'd talked it over with Lance."
"I knew it! I knew it!" Chris leaps up, raising his arms in victory.
"You knew this?" Joey asks innocently. "You knew--Lance? You and Lance?" He's pointing to JC now.
"Yes." JC squeezes Lance's hand and smiles at him. "Me and Lance."
"So you're . . . gay," Chris states seriously.
"Yes." Lance's voice is barely audible.
"How long?"
"I don't know . . . I guess always."
"No, how long have you guys been . . . together?"
"Oh. Since Valentine's Day last year." Lance starts to fidget, even while standing, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
"A YEAR?" Joey practically screams. "YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR? How could you not tell us? How come we didn't know?" Joey surprises himself. Suddenly, Justin springs off the bed and bolts out the door.
"I . . . ," JC watches Justin go in shock. "Um, partly because it's private, Joey, and partly because we figured if you didn't know you wouldn't have to lie for us."
Joey thinks about this, nodding. "But, a whole YEAR?"
"Someone should go after Justin," Chris puts in.
"I guess I should. I've known him longest," JC replies, looking to Lance, reluctant to let him go, to leave him to deal with Chris and Joey.
"Wait, JC, let me." Somehow, Lance feels that this is his fault, that Justin is mad at HIM. Before JC can speak, Lance is out the door.
Out in the hall, Lance calls out, "Justin," as quietly as he can.
Justin stops at the end of the hall but doesn't turn around. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't JC tell me?"
Lance catches up to his younger friend but doesn't touch him. Not yet. "We wanted to, really. But we were dealing with a lot of stuff, and we didn't want it to affect the group."
Now Justin does turn. The anger in his face is evident as he says, his voice low, "The group? Is that all we are to you? A GROUP? I'm your FRIEND, Lance. Friends tell each other stuff. Important stuff."
"I know. I'm really sorry Justin. But if it had come out that me and JC are gay, Lou might have walked away from the whole thing. And that wouldn't have been fair to you. Or Chris or Joey."
"I'm your brother, man. We stick together. No matter what. Shit."
Lance puts his hand on Justin's shoulder. "I know that now. I'm sorry. I should have trusted you. I was just really scared."
Justin leans against the wall and slides down to the floor. Lance takes the opposite wall and the two boys sit facing each other. "Scared? Of what? You know we don't care about stuff like that."
Lance studies his fingers. "I dunno. I guess I was afraid it would change things. And it's going to."
"It doesn't have to."
"But it will. Whether you know it or not. Whether we want it to or not."
"You're still my friend."
"Yeah. I'm still your friend. That's not gonna change. And JC's still your friend. And I bet right now he wants to come out here and tell you that. He loves you. We both do. I love you guys like you were my own brothers. And you know that's saying a lot 'cause I don't have any brothers, except for Ford. I don't want to lose you over this."
"Do you love him?"
"JC? Yeah, I do."
Justin mulls that over. "Good. Because I do too and if you hurt him I'll kill you." He smiles then and kicks his foot at Lance.
Lance smiles back. "Don't worry. I know you could take me so I wouldn't even try."
Back inside the room, JC waits for Chris and Joey to say something. Finally Chris says, "You could have told us."
"We did tell you."
"Yeah, but not until we had practically figured it out."
"Yeah," Joey adds. "Not until we practically caught you."
"You know, we had a lot to figure out ourselves. It's like, neither of us really knew we were gay until we discovered we were attracted to each other, and we had that to deal with. And our, um, parents. And, well, neither of us has really been in love before, in a relationship this serious before. So we were dealing with all of that." JC pauses. "There was never a good time to say 'Hey, guys, we've got something going here that could ruin everything.'"
"Are you?" Joey asks. "In love? This isn't some fling? Some experiment?"
"You think I'd risk everything for a fling? I love Lance very much."
"Well, good. Cause you know I'd have to kick your butt otherwise."
"I'd hurt myself before I'd hurt Lance."
"Good."
Chris has remained silent, but finally speaks. "JC, I'm happy for you and all, but if Lou finds out . . . "
"He won't. We've been careful for more than a year. We'll keep being careful. I mean, look at us. We practically live on top of each other, and we managed to keep it a secret all this time."
"Yeah. Of course, now I'm gonna think back and figure out all the things that should have tipped me off." Chris assumes a thoughtful pose. As Chris ponders, Lance and Justin come back into the room and JC's face lights up. "How did we miss that," Joey whispers to Chris.
Lance leans against the dresser with his arms folded over his chest. "So, everything okay?"
"No," Chris replies firmly. Four pairs of eyes turn to him, questioningly.
"We've missed out on an entire year of giving Lance a hard time."
Lance lets out the breath he'd been holding, and Chris grabs him in a headlock. "See? This is why I love the kid." He kisses the top of Lance's head hard, and Lance tries in vain to free himself. "JC, can I borrow him sometime, because he is just too damn cute."
"Nope. No borrowing, no sharing."
"Get off," Lance orders, pushing Chris off.
"Yeah, get off Lance, Chris. That's JC's job now."
Lance rolls his eyes. So that's how it's gonna be now. "Look guys, I know this is crazy, but it happened and there's nothing we can do about it. Nothing I WANT to do about it. We're not gonna let this affect the group, and we'll always try to keep our relationship separate."
"Just promise us one thing, Lance."
"Anything, Just."
"No more secrets."
"No. No more secrets."