Forever Young: Going Dutch
by Karen and LB
© 2002
Number 10 in the series.
"You know what they have in those cafes, don't you, Lance?" Joey points to a small shop at the corner.
"Um, coffee?" Lance answers, with an edge of sarcasm.
"No. Better. Grass."
"What?" Justin runs over to the window.
"You know, mari-jua-na. You get to order it from a menu and everything."
"Yeah, right." Lance still doesn't believe him.
"Seriously, dude." Joey takes Lance's arm and leads him over to the window. Sure enough, inside the small café people are smoking joints and drinking beer or coffee.
"Oh my goodness. You sure don't see that in Mississippi."
"You sure don't see a lot of things in Mississippi," Chris adds.
JC looks down at the shorter man. "Oh, and you saw stuff like this in Pittsburgh?"
"All the time, man. They didn't call it high school for nothing."
Lance looks down at the ground, glad that JC is there to back him up but feeling slightly flustered at the same time. It's not like he's never SEEN pot before--he's certainly never done it, and neither have his friends, but he knows of people who have and he's sometimes put off by the way the others treat him like he's lived such a sheltered life. Maybe compared to Chris he has, but it's not like he doesn't know about these things. "Well, I don't think we should go in."
"Nah, of course not," Joey says, matter of factly. "I just wanted to show you is all. I never did that stuff either."
Relieved, Lance looks over at JC, gauging his reaction.
"Um, lets walk around more." JC says, a little uncomfortable. "I want to see more of the city."
"Yeah, let's take one of those boats around the canal," Justin says eagerly.
Lance glances at JC and shrugs.
"I think there's one over at Ooooooooberstrassen," Chris declares in a very bad Dutch accent.
"Check the map, wipe," Joey orders, giving Chris a gentle shove.
"Guys, there's one over there," Lance says, pointing.
"How come you always know where everything is, Lance?" Joey asks, scowling.
Lance shrugs again, and heads off in the direction of the canal.
Justin bounces alongside. "I'm going to hang with Lance, because he KNOWS stuff."
JC laughs at Justin's sudden enthusiasm. "Yeah, Lance is good at stuff."
Lance's head whips around at JC and he tries his best to hide his smile. "Not everything."
"Enough things."
Joey bounds up behind them. "We gonna do this or what?"
"Yeah, Joey. We're gonna do it." Lance looks straight into JC's eyes as he says this, then looks away.
"Then what are we waiting for?" Joey throws an arm around Lance's shoulder and drags him onto the boat.
There are a few other tourists on the boat, and Lance smiles shyly at them, knowing what a spectacle the five rambunctious boys must make to the outside world. They were beginning to speak their own language, have their own rhythm, and outsiders watching them would think they were all born of the same parents, even though they all looked drastically different. Lance moves to the railing on one side of the boat and leans over, gazing at the dark water below, then up at the rowhouses all along the bank like a child seeing the world for the first time. This city is extraordinarily different from Clinton, Mississippi, and Lance marvels at the architecture, at the number of bicycles on the cobblestones, at the narrow, winding streets.
JC looks at the scenery too, but mostly, he surreptitiously watches Lance, enjoying the younger boy's delight in the newness of their surroundings.
As the boat pulls away, Lance climbs up on the railing and hooks his arms around the top for balance. Justin joins him and the two boys point out interesting sights and unusual people, and as another boat passes them in the other direction, they wave eagerly, and when the other passengers wave back they cheer.
"I wonder if we'll always be able to do stuff like this," Justin muses as the boats pass out of shouting distance. "I mean if we get famous and all?"
"Sure, why wouldn't we?"
"Well, you know, if people recognize us and all?"
"You were on the Mickey Mouse Club--didn't people recognize you then?"
"Yeah, but not like--you know that night back in Germany when those girls recognized us and chased us down the street? Not like that."
Lance laughs. It WAS pretty funny. "Yeah, but that was just one night. We'll still be us. We'll still do stuff like this."
Justin still looks serious. "Promise?"
"I can't promise you anything--I just know that there's no reason for us to change. We're just regular guys, right?" Lance glances back at JC, needing to confirm the truth of his statement.
"Right." JC walks over to stand behind the two younger boys, dropping his hands on their shoulders.
Smiling at the contact, Lance looks back at the people strolling along the bank. He notices two young men holding hands and watches them intently as the boat passes.
Chris slams into JC's back almost hard enough to send Lance and Justin tumbling over the rail. "What are you guys doin' over here?"
"Oh, you know. Contemplating fame and fortune . . . "
Lance recovers, barely, grabbing Justin before he falls over the side. "Smooth move, Chris."
"Serves you right for hanging over the side, Lance. Fame and fortune, huh? Who's famous?"
"Not you." Justin scowls at Chris.
"Aw, c'mon, Just!" Chris hugs the pouting Justin. "Come on, you've gotta see this. Joey met a girl and he's trying to talk Dutch to her."
Chris carries Justin off, leaving Lance still on the railing with JC behind him. For a moment the two are quiet, listening to the hum of the boat's engine and the soft sounds of the canal.
"It's a great city," Lance finally says, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, I'm glad we actually got a chance to see some of it."
"It's kind of romantic, don't you think?"
"Yeah." JC drops his voice to a near whisper. "But then, any place can be romantic when you're with the right person."
Lance shivers at the sound of the voice so close to his ear. Almost mumbling, Lance replies, "Then this is the most romantic place I've ever been."
JC's voice drops even lower, till it's almost soundless, but he knows Lance can hear. "I love you, too."
Suddenly, Lance wishes they were alone. He wishes he could make everyone vanish and that he and JC were floating along this canal in solitude. But they're not, so he contents himself with the pleasure of just being near JC. And he fantasizes about getting his boyfriend alone later. And as he fantasizes he imagines doing other things with him. Things he's tried hard NOT to think about. The sudden silence of the boat's engine brings him back, as he realizes they've docked.
"Lance, Josh, c'mon!" yells Chris, from the other side.
"Yeah, Chris. Coming." JC waits for Lance to jump down from the railing and has to fight the urge to take his hand as they go to join the others.
They walk as a group up and down the streets, stopping in shops and buying souvenirs and chocolates. To the rest of the group, there is nothing different about the way Lance and JC act to each other. Lance wonders how long they can keep this up. Throughout the day, Lance tries his best not to touch JC but it's not easy when JC looks so hot in his sunglasses, or when he's licking chocolate off the ends of his fingers.
JC can't remember the last time they had a day off like this to just play and have fun. There were always interviews or rehearsals or something, but today Lynn and Diane had made sure they had the whole day--and what a day, so warm and bright for the time of year. So much of their lives was lived indoors and at night that it felt intoxicating to see the sunlight reflecting off Lance's hair, brightening his eyes.
Sometimes, Lance would walk alongside JC and imagine that they were here on vacation together, as a couple. It was silly, he knew, but the more time he spent with JC, even when they were with the rest of the guys, the more he found himself wanting to BE with him. At one point, they were in a jewelry store--Justin wanted to buy a new earring--and Lance leaned over JC with his arm around the older boy as they looked inside one of the counters. "You ever think of getting your ear pierced?"
JC cringes. "I'm in love with a crazy man. No WAY."
Lance pulls back, just a few inches, but the impact of those words just hit him like a bullet. They've said it before to each other, those three most important words, but suddenly Lance feels the impact. He's IN LOVE. IN LOVE. He moves closer again. "Me neither. My dad would kill me."
"You know me and needles. Bad enough when they're necessary. So you'll just have to take me unadorned."
"I'll take you any way I can get you."
JC smiles foolishly at Lance. "I was hoping you'd say that."
"Say what?" Joey has snuck up behind them and puts his head on JC's shoulder.
"Um, that it's time to go for coffee. We're both sick of waiting for Justin."
"Yeah, let's go across the street and wait there," Lance declares.
"Justin, Chris? We're going to the café across the street. Meet us there." The three boys leave the shop, laughing and joking.
Lance gets himself a cup of tea and buys JC a coffee while Joey is preoccupied with the girl behind the counter. They head over to a small table by the window, and when Joey finally joins them, Lance asks, "Any luck?"
"Nah, she only spuyken de Dutch. Cute though."
"Yeah."
"She your type?"
Lance is taken by surprise. He keeps forgetting that the other guys don't know about him and JC, so it takes him a minute to figure out a good answer. "Um, not really."
"I bet you like brunettes."
"Yeah, definitely."
"Yeah," JC adds with a smile. "I used to too, but I've really gotten into blondes lately."
"Oh, man!" Joey exclaims. "How could you not with all these beautiful German and Dutch girls we see?"
"Yeah, they're pretty hot," Lance says, looking directly at JC. He takes a sip of his tea to hide his smile.
"So, you gonna get lucky, Lansten?" Joey teases, punching his friend lightly on the arm.
"Maybe."
"If your mama lets you?" Joey grins at Lance and sips his coffee.
Lance's smile fades and he looks down at his cup. He didn't need to be reminded that he's still being chaperoned. It's not like he's not glad his mother is here-- Lance wanted her to come--but when he's around Joey and the older boys he sometimes feels like he's much younger than his 17 years. "She wouldn't know," he mumbles.
JC squeezes Lance's knee under the table, reminding him that his mama "lets" him do quite a lot of things. He mock-glares at Joey. "Big words from someone who also still lives with HIS mama."
"Ha ha, okay, good point. But at least I don't have a chaperone."
"Even though you're the one who most needs one."
"I do, don't I?"
"Yeah, Joey, we need to keep you on a leash." Lance finally speaks up.
"Ooo, kinky. I didn't know that about you, Lance."
Lance rolls his eyes, knowing his cheeks are red. "Aren't Justin and Chris done yet?" He looks over his shoulder at the store across the way.
"Trying to change the subject?"
"Yes."
"That's our Lansten. Kinky one moment, uptight the next."
"Joey, enough."
"Fine, fine. He knows I'm kidding. Right, Lance? You know I'm kidding."
"Yeah. It's okay, Joey. Just next time you want to borrow some whips and chains, don't come crying to me."
Joey, completely caught off guard, spills his coffee, laughing.
JC, chuckling, hands Joey his napkin. "What are they DOIN' over there? Buying the place out?"
"Chris is probably buying a nose ring," Joey replies wiping up his spill. It's at that moment that Chris and Justin finally emerge chatting as they cross the street. When they find Lance, JC, and Joey Justin displays his new gold hoop. Lance stands to inspect it, telling his younger friend how cool it looks.
"We better go," Lance says. "Our moms are waiting, and we did promise we'd be back for dinner."
"Yeah, can't keep our MAMAs waiting."
"Joey!"
It's okay, Lance reminds himself. Joey doesn't know how cool his mom has been about him and JC. Lance just shakes his head as they head back to the hotel. If Joey thinks he's such a mama's boy, maybe he'll just have to prove him wrong.
JC sees the determined expression on Lance's face and wonders what he's thinking. Before he can ask, though, they're back at the hotel and have to rush not to be late for dinner.
Lance can't keep his eyes off JC. They're in a quiet, dark bistro, and the candlelight plays off JC's sharply defined features.
JC looks at Lance and wonders again at the intensity of his gaze. It makes his eyes look even more beautiful than usual, but unusually serious.
All through dinner, Lance fidgets. He finishes his main course before everyone else, an event so unusual that even Diane notices. And he passes on dessert, another strange occurrence. He's the first one out of his seat when the check has been paid, and as they're heading to their rooms, Justin asks if anyone is up for a game of cards. Joey and Chris say yes, but Lance declines, stating that he has some studying to do. "Josh, you got a minute? I need some help with a paper I'm writing, and you're good at that stuff."
"Sure. What are you working on?" They walk down the hall to the door of Lance's room.
"Um, just a little project." Lance unlocks the door and holds it open for JC.
JC walks in and turns to look at Lance questioningly.
As soon as the door is closed Lance wraps his arms around JC and kisses him passionately.
Surprised, but by no means unwilling, JC's arms encircle Lance's waist and he opens his mouth to Lance's questing tongue. Without breaking their kiss, Lance walks them over to the bed and coaxes JC down. Breathless, JC, enfolds Lance more tightly, his kisses matching Lance's in their intensity.
Lance lowers them to the mattress and rolls on top of JC. With slightly shaky fingers, he begins unbuttoning JC's shirt.
Fleetingly, JC wonders about the urgency in Lance, the almost desperate quality of his kisses. But, being a 20-year-old boy, his body quickly dismisses the questions in his mind and he gives himself up to desire.
Once Lance has the shirt open he covers the exposed skin with his hands, groping JC's chest, seeking and finding the already erect nipples. If he's going to do this, he can't think about it.
JC slips his hands up inside Lance's shirt, feeling the heat radiating off his skin. His kisses move over Lance's face and he can hear Lance fairly panting in his ear already.
Lance buries his face in JC's neck, kissing and licking and sucking gently, urgently. He pinches JC's nipples lightly, then brings his hands down to JC's belt, tugging it open with nervous fingers.
"Hey, slow down, babe. What's the rush?"
"I--I want . . . I think . . . ," he's panting now, and his heart is beating wildly.
JC brushes the hair back from Lance's hot face. "Lance?"
"I want to do it," he blurts out.
"Are you sure? We haven't even talked about it, about condoms or anything."
Lance looks to the side, then down at their bodies pressed so tightly together. "Maybe talking isn't always the best thing. Maybe it's better to just not think about it so much."
"I just want it to be right for you, you know? Good for you."
"It will be, as long as I'm with you." Lance says the words, more for himself than for Josh.
JC kisses Lance tenderly. "I guess I just didn't expect it to be so soon."
"Me neither, to tell you the truth. But Josh, I want you . . . I want you to make love to me." Now there's definitely no turning back. You can't take back words like that.
"I-I want that too. SO much."
"Then let's just do it." Lance kisses JC's ear, his cheek, and back down to his neck, once again fumbling for the button on his pants.
JC again wonders momentarily at the hastiness of Lance's decision, but the rush of blood away from his brain pretty much ends coherent thought for a while as he pulls Lance's shirt up and off.
With half-lidded eyes, Lance returns to JC's mouth, trying to push down his own fears.
JC reaches up with one hand to cradle Lance's face as they kiss. His other hand moves lightly over Lance's back, so lightly that he can feel Lance shiver under the touch.
With every touch, Lance tries to convince himself that this is what he wants. Joey was right--he IS a mama's boy and if this is what it will take to prove him wrong, and prove it to himself, then this is what he'll do.
Somehow, JC had expected their first time to be a little more romantic than this. He pushes the thought away and concentrates on the sensations coursing through his body. He rolls them over, pressing Lance into the mattress and letting his hands move over his smooth chest.
Lance takes a deep breath and tries to relax. In truth, it does feel good to be with JC, but it still doesn't quell the increasing anxiety he's feeling. It shouldn't be such a big deal. Lots of kids his age have sex. It's perfectly . . . normal. So he tells himself.
JC nuzzles into Lance's neck, finding the little spots where he likes to be kissed, as his fingers find a small round nipple and tease it to a tight peak.
Lance stares at the ceiling and concentrates on what JC is doing. It does feel good, very good. Then why is his heart pounding?
JC raises himself to look down at the younger boy. "Babe? You seem kind of . . . I don't know. Far away. Detached."
Focusing his eyes on JC, Lance says, "No, I'm fine. This is . . . fine. I-I want this. Really."
"Lance. What's really going on?"
"N-nothing. I want you to make love to me."
"Lance, there's nothing I want more. Nothing. But I want it to be the right time for both of us. And it doesn't feel right right now. You're tense and scared and not really into it. Is this really how you want to remember our first time?"
He didn't even realize he was gripping the sheets until now. Rolling onto his side and curling his knees up, Lance says softly, "No, it's not. I'm sorry. I c- can't do this."
Equally softy, JC says, "Why don't you tell me what's going on."
"I'm sorry, Josh. I thought I could. I thought I was ready."
JC wraps his arms around Lance. "It's okay. But talk to me. Why the rush? Why tonight?"
"It's gonna sound so stupid. Man, you must think I'm such a baby."
JC pulls Lance to him, more tightly, cradling him against his chest spoon fashion. "I love you. You're not stupid and you're not a baby."
Squeezing his eyes shut, Lance wants desperately to bolt from the room. He can't face JC, not now. "I am. I shouldn't have led you on like this."
"I'll be okay. That's what cold showers are for."
It would have been funny, but under the circumstances Lance can't seem to laugh. "You should just leave."
"Yeah, that would be the easy thing to do. I could storm out, all pissed, and we could maybe, maybe not get past this. But I'd much rather stay here and understand."
"I don't think you'll want to stay after you hear why."
"Try me."
Lance sighs. With JC's arms wrapped so tightly around him there's no way he's going to get out of this. "Joey's right. I am sort of a mama's boy."
"Joey's just being a jerk. You and your mom are close--so what?"
"Maybe it's time for me to grow up."
"You should grow up in your own time. Peer pressure's not a good reason to do anything."
"I know. I know that's true, but it's still not easy. It must be so frustrating to be with me."
"Shhhh. I love you." JC kisses the younger boy's shoulder to emphasize his point.
"I-I love you too. That's why I want to be with you."
"You are with me."
"No, you know what I mean. I want us to . . . you know. But . . . I'm scared."
"We will. When we're BOTH ready."
"How can you be so cool about this?"
"You're giving me too much credit. If things had, um, progressed further, I probably wouldn't be so cool."
Lance turns his head, still not ready to look at his friend, but curious. "What do you mean?"
"I'm only human, Lance. If we'd gotten, um, a lot closer to, you know, doing it, I'd probably be having a really hard time being nice about it. At least right away."
"Oh." Lance turns away again. "I don't know how you can stand being with me."
"I'll keep saying it till you're sick of hearing it: I. Love. You."
Lance can't help but smile. JC's words are sincere, Lance knows it. He can feel it in the same way he feels his friend's body pressed against his own. "Then . . . you really don't mind waiting? Because Josh, I promise it'll be worth it."
"That's one thing I'm sure of."
Now Lance does turn around in JC's arms. "I'm so lucky to have you."
"We're lucky to have each other."
Lance kisses JC softly, tenderly. "You know, when I came into the group I thought the best that would happen is that we'd get to sing and perform a little. I never thought I'd fall in love."
"See? It was meant to be. You had to travel all that way for us to find each other."
"If you ever get sick of me and want to see someone else . . . I'll understand."
"Lance. Don't even. I'm not gonna 'get sick' of you."
Lance breathes a sigh of relief. There was a small part of him that thought JC might actually decide this is not worth it and just end it right now. "Thank you. For being so great about this."
"Remember, this is new for me, too. So any problems, we get through them together, okay?"
"But you're so much more experi--okay."
"Good answer."
"Josh, could you just . . . could we . . . could you hold me?"
JC tightens his arms around Lance. "Yeah, I could do that."
"I promise you, JC, when the time is right you won't regret waiting."
"I know, that, baby. I know that already."