Choice
by Karen and LB
© 2002
People's Choice Awards 2002.
Stuff happens. :-}
"Will you two just get a room?" Chris explodes.
Lance, JC, Laura, Em, and Michelle all look at Chris in bewilderment.
"Yes, you, looking at me so innocently," Chris continues, pointing at Lance and JC, who've gravitated together on one of the seats of the limo taking them all to Pasadena. "You're flirting. As usual."
"You're crazy, Chris," JC says, looking to the girls for confirmation.
"Yeah, and Joey doesn't like food," Chris snorts.
Lance ignores Chris and doesn't understand where this is coming from. He and JC have been good friends for years. They've all been friends. It's just that he and JC have been palling around together a lot lately, especially since Lance has been flying out to LA for Happy Place business. And to see Laura. Well, as much as he can. Which hasn't been much lately. They've talked about it, their sudden lag in chemistry. The friendship is still very much there, he notes, flashing a smile her way, but the attraction that was so intense after September 11 seems to have waned. A lot. He finds that being away from her so much these days isn't such a bad thing. He finds that being with . . . but he pushes that thought to the back of his mind because it's something he doesn't want to deal with right now. Right now, they're on their way to accept, hopefully, another award. Another trophy to add to his shelves. Another milestone in their ever- budding careers. He's saved from darker thoughts as the limo pulls up to the curb and they spill out onto the red carpet, the boys being corralled together to sign autographs, take pictures, and do the rounds of interviews, their dates all but forgotten in the background.
As they move up the stairs through the crowds, JC's hand drifts naturally to the small of Lance's back as if guiding him through the maze of bodies. Almost immediately, he pulls back. Where did THAT come from?
Lance is fully aware of the touch, as he is aware that he didn't flinch. They've touched each other hundreds of times, so why should he? Then again, why should he be thinking that he liked the way JC's hand rested so comfortably on his back? When they pause to do one more sound bite, JC drapes his arm around Lance's shoulder. Lance makes every attempt to concentrate on the questions but he's so conscious of JC's presence that he has trouble focusing. Maybe it's the atmosphere--the excitement of being around all these celebrities from different media. Yeah, that's what's making him feel this way. Sure. They finally make their way inside, and the girls, of course, want to hit the ladies room to fix their hair and makeup or whatever it is girls do in there. "Don't take too long," warns Lance, as Laura hurries off with Michelle and Em.
"I will never understand girls," JC says as the three sashay off.
"How can you not understand them? You ARE one," Chris shoots back, taking a swipe at JC's perfectly coiffed hair.
"At least I'm not doing my devil impersonation."
"Yeah, you're not a girl. You just play one on TV."
"You're just jealous because JC has the best hair," Lance fires at Chris.
"Yeah, but he can't do this," Chris retorts, using his fingers to wiggle his beard-horns at Lance.
"That's a good thing," replies Lance, winking at JC.
"Like we'd want to. But hey, it just makes you--um, US look better, right?"
"Yeah. I don't even know if we can sit next to you with those things," adds Lance, looking at Chris.
"Fine. I'll just take the girls and sit somewhere else."
"Where we sitting?" Michelle asks bounding up to Chris and taking his arm.
"Far, far, away," Chris answers dreamily, gesturing with his hand.
"We leave you boys alone for ONE minute," chides Em.
"That was a LONG minute!" exclaims Lance.
"We had to make ourselves pretty," says Laura.
"You're already pretty." Lance sees Laura moving closer but makes no attempt to kiss her. "We better go in."
They're taken to their seats, and after a moment of confusion, JC manages to allow Laura to sit next to Lance. Once the show gets started, it's easier to distract himself, watching the performers and presenters, making little jokes to make Em laugh, but in the back of his mind he's still wondering what it is about him and Lance tonight.
Lance zones out throughout the show until he hears their award being announced. It's no surprise, since they knew ahead of time, but he still feels good about hearing their name. He rises, smiling half- heartedly at Laura and turns to his friends. JC hugs Chris then turns to hug Lance. It just feels so natural--they've hugged a million times over the years, after all, and without thinking he goes to kiss Lance's cheek. He catches himself at the last moment, merely giving Lance an extra squeeze. Then he runs for the stage.
Lance is too stunned to react. He's not quite sure what just happened, but there's no time to ponder it as they make their way to the stage, Chris pushing his way to the middle so that JC is on one side of the podium and Lance on the opposite side. Chris, thankfully, does the talking for them, Lance trying to avert his eyes from JC.
JC, given his chance at the podium, babbles about people. But he can only think about one person. And how the heck he's going to explain himself.
Lance blurts out his usual professional thanks and they're quickly ushered offstage. But before Lance can talk to JC they're led to the press area for pictures and interviews. Every time JC's hand touches his shoulder Lance feels an electric charge surge through his body.
After doing the press thing, the boys gather, trying to decide whether to go back out front or leave. Chris decides to find someone who will call the girls backstage and JC pulls Lance into a secluded corner. "I, um, look, I'm sorry."
"You tried to kiss me."
"I know. I don't know what came over me. It just . . . was like instinctive."
"You never did it before. In all the years we've gone to these award shows, you never once tried to kiss me."
"I know that. Don't you think I know that? I know you're freaked, but I am, too."
"I just want to know why you did it."
"If I knew I'd tell you."
"Did you want to kiss Chris?"
"Well, maybe if he shaved off those THINGS," JC says, trying to lighten things up a little. "No."
"Did you ever want to kiss Justin?"
"Are we going to go through name by name? No."
"Joey?"
"No. Look, it's not like I got up this morning and said 'I think I'll try to kiss Lance today.' And besides, if I'd been planning to kiss you, it wouldn't have been some stupid pick on the cheek."
Lance's eyes grow wide. "It wouldn't? You mean, you'd kiss me on the . . . lips?"
"Sure," JC says, his blush belying his bold words. "If I'm only gonna get one chance, I might as well go for broke, right?"
Lance grins, knowing how hard that must have been for JC to say. "What if you got another chance?"
"I . . . I don't know if I'd take it. It was an impulse, Lance, it really was. But it made me realize that . . . ," JC's voice drops to a whisper, " . . . that I want to kiss you for real."
Lance tilts his head. "What if . . . I let you?"
"Don't tease me, Lance."
"I'm not," Lance says in all seriousness, surprised that JC would think he'd joke about something like this.
"Oh," JC says, looking into Lance's eyes and seeing the sincerity there. "Oh. And would that, it, that be okay with you?"
"Um, yeah. Yeah, it would."
JC glances around to see if they're still alone. They are, and he leans in closer. His lips are about to touch Lance's when a voice behind him says, "I TOLD you two to get a room."
Lance clears his throat and steps back. "Chris, what are you doing?"
"Rescuing your butts before your dates walk in?"
"Oh, um, thanks." He can tell his face is redder than half the dresses in the auditorium. To JC, he whispers, "Later."
"Yeah. I'm, um, ready to go."
They leave, and the girls want to go grab dinner. The entire time Lance keeps stealing glances at JC, cracking jokes when he can, talking about the award and what he'll do with it. But all he can really think about is the kiss that never happened. Might happen?
In a quiet moment as they walk back to the car, Em puts her hand on JC's arm. "JC, I know about you and Lance. I could see it all along. Before you could, I think. So please don't worry about hurting my feelings--you won't."
Lance watches from a distance, Laura quiet until at last she announces, "Let's go clubbing."
JC looks around uncertainly, not knowing what to say. Em links her arm through his companionably, and he's grateful. It always helps him when he's nervous to be able to touch someone. Chris jumps in the air, giving all and sundry the correct impression that he's on board with the clubbing plan. Michelle assents also, and everyone looks to Lance, who's usually the first in line for any clubbing expedition.
With all eyes on him, Lance hesitates, then puts a hand on his stomach. "You know what? I don't really feel so well. I think I'm just gonna go back to the hotel and lie down, call my mom, tell her how it went."
"You sure, honey? I can come with you," Laura offers.
"No! I mean, no, you go ahead and have fun. Chris'll take care of you, right Chris?"
"Uh, sure, Lance."
"JC, you look awfully tired, too," Emmanuelle says sweetly. "You should go back with Lance. Chris won't mind having a harem, will you Chris?"
"Always knew I was a babe-magnet."
"Are you sure?" JC asks Em.
"Of course I am," Em replies, giving him a little hug.
"I'm all yours," JC says to Lance.
"Lance, are you sure you don't want me to come?" Laura asks concerned.
"Really, I'm fine. Bad shrimp, I guess."
"C'mon, doll, I'll show you the town," Chris tells her, in his best W.C. Fields voice.
"Okay," Laura replies tentatively, looking at Lance quizzically. Finally, she gives in and follows Chris to the waiting limo.
"So I guess we can catch a cab to the hotel," JC suggests. They do, and the cab sets them down in front of the hotel. Instead of going in, JC turns to Lance. "Want to walk for a bit?"
Lance thrusts his hands in his pockets. "I'd like that."
They start walking, the town abuzz with the excitement of the awards. Limos pass them, news vans drive by, and they walk in silence for a few blocks. "So, what we were talking about earlier . . . "
"Yeah, I, um. Em told me she's seen something between us since she met us."
Lance stops walking. "What?"
"She said she knew it before we did."
"How could she know? And what is this?"
"She saw something. The same way Chris pegged our flirting tonight. We WERE flirting, or at least I was."
That word. Something he never thought he'd hear coming out of his bandmate's mouth. Lance starts walking again, staring at the sidewalk. "You're not gay. We're not gay. Are we?"
"Yes. No. Maybe? I don't know. I just know I realized tonight that there's something here. And it has been for a long time."
"How long?" Lance stops walking again, and this time they're at the Dorothy Chandler Pavillion, with its magical fountain in the center of the plaza.
"I don't know. I don't remember it starting. It feels like always."
"You've always . . . liked me?"
"Looks that way."
"I don't know what to say."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spring--sprung--I shouldn't have hit you with this so suddenly. But it sort of sneaked up on me, too. Snuck."
"You don't have to apologize. I'm just surprised is all. I . . . never thought about it. But now that you said it, and what you almost did today . . . I can't STOP thinking about it."
"What WE almost did. I may have started it, but . . . later. That was both of us."
"You're right. I wanted to kiss you as much as you wanted to kiss me. I just never realized it until you did it."
"I'm really glad to hear that."
"I'm really glad you tried to kiss me."
"I . . . I know we have things to figure out, choices to make, but for now . . . " In the anonymous shadows diffused by the glowing, glittering water, JC brings both hands to Lance's face, cradling it as he tenderly kisses him.
Lance is momentarily stunned by JC's boldness that at first his whole body tenses, but as those lips close over his mouth he soon relaxes, feeling JC's warmth spread through him. His hands, almost of their own accord, rest lightly on JC's waist as he kisses his bandmate back.
When they finally separate, JC brushes a hand over Lance's hair, dampened by the mist from the fountain. "That was . . . worth waiting for."
"It was . . . really nice," replies Lance, the surprise evident in his voice. "I never knew you were such a good kisser."
"Hidden talent."
"What other talents you been hiding?"
JC smiles sweetly. "You'll have to wait and find out."
"I like a challenge."
"I know. That's one of the things that I love, I like about you."
"I, um, like a lot of things about you too."
"That's a good start."
"I guess, you know, we can't tell the guys. Not yet."
"When we're ready. And you, um, probably need to, well, tell your girlfriend first."
"She's not my girlfriend."
"Oh. Sorry. I thought . . . "
"It's okay. It just didn't work out. We're better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess I know why now."
"I'm glad it didn't. That sounded bad."
"No, it didn't. I'm sort of glad too. I don't want to hurt her, but we both knew it wasn't working out."
"Do you think . . . we could?"
"Work?"
"Yeah."
Lance grows quiet. Like so many times before, when the five of them are together, Lance is often the one to sit back and watch and think and absorb. So now he thinks about what JC is asking. He thinks about it seriously. It won't be easy. It's risky. Finally, he turns to JC. "My daddy said anything worth having takes a lot of work."
"I have no problem working for what I want."
"We always have."
"I'd like to try . . . us. I mean, if you would."
"I would." Lance gives JC's hand a gentle squeeze.
"Good." JC squeezes back. "You wanna walk some more?"
"Sure." The boys head off, Lance reluctantly dropping JC's hand. But he's okay with that, because he knows he'll have other chances to hold it again.