All For You
by Karen and LB
© 2002
JC looks down at the Toronto skyline as his plane approaches the city. He can't quite believe he's here--not for a concert, not for a Much Music appearance but to see his . . . boyfriend. He still has trouble even thinking the word. It's only been a few days since Lance exploded into his life, and fewer still since Lance flew off to Toronto to work on his movie. And now JC is following him there. Taking the next step.
*****
"So 9 o'clock for two under Bass, right? We might be a few minutes late, is that okay? Thank you." Lance hangs up the phone and sits back in the director's chair. He has a few minutes before they set up the next shot and he wanted to make sure everything is set for tomorrow night. He doesn't know why he's nervous. He's known JC for years, but it feels like he's getting to know him for the first time. Especially after that night. Lance still cannot believe how it happened. How JC was there all along and they FINALLY came together. So when Lance had to leave to film his movie he asked JC to join him and even film a cameo. JC could produce one of the tracks for the new album up here, so they could make it both a work and pleasure trip. But Lance wants everything to go smoothly. What if JC has second thoughts?
"Lance, we're ready for you," comes a voice from the next room. He puts his phone away and focuses on his job. JC's plane doesn't land for another hour and he's supposed to meet him here.
JC lifts his carry-on and hurries off the plane. Even though he knows Lance can't meet him, it's still disappointing to see a stranger's face, a stranger's hands holding the sign with the fake name he uses for these occasions. He fidgets for the entire ride, wondering for the millionth time if he's making a mistake.
Lance checks his watch while Eric and crew set up the next shot. They're going to be shooting late, but he wanted JC to come here first so he could see him. And they won't have much time tonight because they'll be recording for the new album, but he'll make up for it tomorrow night. Eric promised they'd wrap relatively early, and Joey's going to catch a flight back to Orlando to see Kelly, so he and JC will have the entire night to . . . well . . . to get to know each other. Lance knows things have moved fast--he still can't believe he and JC made love. Made LOVE! But he doesn't want to pressure JC into anything more, even though it would break Lance's heart if JC decided to call the whole thing off. So Lance waits.
"Sir? Sir?" JC is startled from his reverie. He hadn't even realized the car had stopped, and yet the driver is standing, holding the door open. JC climbs awkwardly from the car, still stiff from the plane ride. He reaches back for his carry-on and follows the driver through a confusing warren of hallways. He hears Lance's voice before he sees him, and it sends a pleasant thrill through him even through his unsureness.
Lance is running lines with Joey and he doesn't even hear JC approach. But when he looks up he sees his friend over Joey's shoulder and his face brightens. "You made it!"
Joey turns around, and seeing JC, shouts, "C! Hey, dude!" He runs to hug JC, and when it's Lance's turn he holds JC for just a little longer than he normally would. "How was your flight?"
"Not bad," JC says softly. He's a little confused by how familiar yet unfamiliar this dark-haired Lance is. "I, um, slept." JC glances at Joey. "Don't even say it."
"Not a word, bro. What time we have the studio tonight, anyway?"
"Ten. What time are you here till?"
"Eric said we should wrap by then," replies Lance. "We're doing your scene tomorrow." He playfully whacks JC in the stomach with his script.
"Cool," JC says, a little uncomfortable with the physical contact. He shakes himself--how many time has Lance--or any of the guys, for that matter-- touched him playfully without him giving it a second thought. "So, what are you guys working on?"
"Oh, hey, I'll show you." Lance eagerly leads JC down the hallway to a room set up like an apartment. "This is where I live. I mean, Kevin. We're doing a couple of scenes here while we have the building." He flops down on the couch and gestures JC to do the same. "You want something to eat? We can go over to craft services. If Joey hasn't eaten everything by now."
"No, I'm fine. I ate on the plane." JC looks around him. "Kevin's living in style, eh?"
Lance chuckles. "Yeah. I guess this is how I'd be living if I wasn't in 'N Sync."
"Yeah, I could see you in a small off campus apartment with three or four roommates."
"That would be cool. Don't get me wrong--I love my house. But this has been kind of fun, being someone else for a while."
"Yeah? You look like someone else. Not just the hair. The clothes. Even the way you move."
Lance looks at JC quizzically. "How am I moving?" "I dunno. Different. More self-contained?"
Lance considers that. "I didn't even realize I was doing that."
"See? And you keep saying you can't act. You're a natural."
"You haven't seen the dailies."
"I have faith in you," JC says, blushing.
"You do?" Lance puts a hand on JC's shoulder. "Well, if nothing else it's a funny movie and Joey's really good."
"I'm really what?" Joey says, his mouth full as he munches on a cookie he snatched from craft services.
"You're really gonna get stuck in the doorway if you keep visiting craft services."
"Hey, this is a healthy stomach. Even my mom says so."
Lance is about to fire back a retort when Eric, the director, enters. "Guys, we're almost ready for the next shot. Go check with makeup to see if they need you."
"Hey, Eric, I want you to meet someone. This is JC Chasez. JC, Eric Bross."
Grinning, Eric extends his hand. "So I understand you'll be working with us tomorrow."
"Looks that way," JC says, shaking the offered hand. "Am I, um, in your way now?"
"No, not at all. If you want, you can stay and watch."
"Thanks, I'd like that."
Eric has one of the production assistants show JC where to sit. After offering to bring JC coffee or water or soda, he scurries off to do one of the million task production assistants do, leaving JC alone to watch the intense activity surrounding the shoot.
Lance goes off to a quiet part of the hallway to prepare for the next scene. He gets a thrill every time he thinks of JC being here, but right now he has to focus. There will be time enough tomorrow for them to get reacquainted. By the time Eric calls out, "Roll camera," Lance is ready, focused, and completely in tune with the scene. They run through a few takes--Joey messed up one and Lance wanted to do one over because he felt he could do it better-- and then they break for dinner.
Lance chats with Eric for a few minutes and then bounds over to JC. "Hungry?"
JC has been watching in awe. It's not like he's never seen a scene being filmed before. After all, he did it for years on the Mickey Mouse Club. It's Lance that has him enthralled. He seems to be a different person than the one JC has known all these years. More confident, more assured. And while he admires the change, he also finds it intimidating. He still feels like so much of his own confidence is founded on nothing that he wonders again and again what Lance could possibly see in him. But when Lance comes over, he smiles and says, "Yeah."
"Good, because the caterer we got is really good, but we better get there before JOEY."
"I heard that," Joey yells back, already well ahead of them.
"So, what do you think?" Lance asks JC, almost afraid to hear the answer. He didn't want to have JC come up here to impress him, he wanted to share this part of his life with him.
"I think . . . you shouldn't worry about the dailies," JC says almost shyly.
"You're just saying that 'cause we're bandmates," Lance replies, a blush spreading across his cheeks. They reach the room designated for meals and Lance leads JC over to the buffet table.
"When have any of us ever said anything just to be nice?" JC asks as he reaches for a plate.
"Good point. But I'm certainly no Kevin Spacey."
"No one expects you to be. But you're still doing a good job."
"Thanks. Eric's great, Emmanuelle's great--the whole cast is really professional." They take their plates and join Joey, James and GQ at a table. "Except for Joey who thinks he's AN ACTOR."
"That's okay--he thinks he's a singer, too."
Without looking up from his plate, Joey says, "Fine, we'll see how well you do tomorrow, Chasez. Oh, and did Eric tell you? It's a nude scene."
Lance looks up and across the table at JC and smiles. I wish, he thinks.
JC blushes furiously under Lance's gaze, but manages, "You're just jealous because they turned you down, Fatone."
Lance cracks up, and the whole table joins in.
"Sure, laugh all you want; you'll be begging for that scene."
There's only one person I want to see do THAT scene, Lance says to himself. By the time they're done eating, everyone is in good spirits. It's been a long day, and they have a few more shots to get in before they wrap for the day, but all in all the energy level is high. Lance knows the reason for his adrenalin rush--he's felt it ever since JC arrived. Out in the hall, Lance pulls JC aside. "Listen, if you're tired and want to head over to the hotel for a nap before the studio, I can give you my room key." He had already assumed JC was staying with him and never bothered to book a separate room.
"Sure, yeah, that would be good," JC responds, jumping to the conclusion that Lance just wants to get rid of him. "So, I'll see you at the studio."
"Yeah, we'll be there. Here," Lance hands JC the card-key. "Get some rest, okay?"
"Okay," JC says, pocketing the card. "See you in a couple hours." He pauses as if he wants to say more, then walks away.
Puzzled, Lance stares after JC, but has no time to dwell on it because Eric is calling him back. Lance is just so happy that JC actually came that all he can think about is his handsome face.
JC stares sightlessly out at the city streets as he is driven to the hotel. Lance, he decides, is just being nice. He's too polite to treat a friend like a one-night stand, but JC was crazy if he thought he could ever be anything more to Lance.
Once again, Lance puts his full concentration into his job, knowing that it will be only a matter of hours before he sees JC again. He really hopes JC doesn't think he's being too forward by sharing a room.
The time flies faster than Lance thought it would, and when Eric says the magic words "That's a wrap for today," Lance leaps up and grabs Joey to head to the studio.
"What's the rush, man?" Joey asks as they run to the car.
"Nothing," Lance says cheerily. "I'm just looking forward to laying down some tracks." When they arrive at the designated studio, Lance immediately looks for JC.
JC is sitting in a corner, running the song they'll be working on in his head. He knows exactly how he wants it to sound, and he concentrates, oblivious to the world, on getting it exactly right.
Lance loves watching JC in "music mode." His face takes on this otherworldly look, and you can practically hear the music flow from his brain. And his heart. When they're finally ready to start taping, Lance is so in awe he almost doesn't hear Joey calling him in the booth.
"Oh, sorry," Lance says, clearing his throat and taking a sip of water.
JC is more confused than ever. One minute he's sure Lance is giving him the brush-off, the next, well, he opens his eyes to see Lance watching him with such . . . warmth in his pale lucent eyes. He smiles uncertainly, then rises to do the one thing he's sure of. Sing.
This is the part Lance likes best. When they sing, he gets so lost in the music he's almost aware of nothing else. Almost. Because with JC standing so close producing those beautiful sounds, Lance is in awe. When JC hits a particularly high note, Lance literally feels a chill sweep through him.
JC pours all the confusion he's feeling into the song, giving the emotions it evokes an almost desperate edge. People wonder why he sleeps so much. At least in part, it's because of this--the way he throws himself into everything he does.
It's the way JC is able to just punctuate each line of the lyrics with his emotion that captivates Lance. Every expression plays so easily across his face; sometimes Lance wishes he were more expressive. By the time they're done, Lance decides he truly is in love with JC.
JC is totally drained by the end of the session. He'd been aware the whole time of how intensely Lance has been watching him. Maybe there IS something there, he muses. He feels as if his life is spinning out of control. He's not sure what he wants, or what Lance wants. Less than a week ago, he'd been sure he'd never tell anyone that he was gay, never DO anything about it, yet here he is on his way back to the hotel room of the man who took his virginity.
They arrive back at the hotel exhausted. Fortunately, Joey's room is before Lance's, so he wouldn't even know Lance and JC are sharing a room. Outside the door to their room, Lance pauses before putting the key in the lock. "JC," he begins hesitantly, "I hope you don't think I'm being too forward about sharing a room. I, um, would understand if you wanted a separate room."
"I, um, if that's what you want."
"Look, I'll be honest--I'd really like if you stayed. But I'd also understand if you felt weird about that."
"I feel weird about everything, Lance. My life changed completely in one night."
Lance cups JC's face in his hand. "I know. But I hope it's a good change?"
"When you look at me like that, it is."
Lance smiles and looks down at the floor. "I don't want to pressure you. I know it can be pretty confusing. It was for me, my first time. But we can slow this down. It's so late and we have to get up early tomorrow that all I'd really like to do is curl up with you in bed. That's all."
"I'd like that," JC says quietly. "I'd like that a lot."
Lance slides the card in the slot but pauses before turning the handle. He raises his eyes to JC, suddenly feeling very small. "Are you sure?"
JC smiles. Maybe he isn't the only one who's confused here. "Yeah, I'm sure. You did just promise to be a gentleman, after all."
"I'll keep one foot on the floor." He unlocks the door, much to his relief, and flicks on the light. In truth, he IS exhausted but is so looking forward to having that warm body in his arms that he doesn't care what time they have to be on set.
They manage to get ready for bed without too much awkwardness. After all, they've shared rooms on many occasions in the past. And a bed on one memorable occasion in the very recent past. JC crawls between the sheets and sighs. In spite of his brief and rather restless nap, it's been a very long day.
Lance emerges from the bathroom, the minty taste of toothpaste lingering in his mouth and smiles at the curled up figure in the bed. All but one lamp has been turned off, and even in the dimness Lance can see the tension in JC's shoulders. Slowly, he climbs in behind his friend, so familiar yet so new, and places a soothing hand on JC's arm. "Hey," he says softly, when he feels JC tense. "We're just gonna sleep." He places a soft kiss on the back of JC's neck, reaches over to shut off the light, and wraps his arm around JC's waist. "Nothing more." JC moves his shoulders against Lance, willing himself to relax into his chaste embrace.
"I'm sorry," he says in a small voice. "This must be weird for you. Frustrating."
Stunned by JC's insecurities, something he doesn't see very often, Lance tightens his hold. "Are you kidding? This is the best. Just being close to you. Holding you."
JC relaxes a little more, letting Lance's words, his tone, soothe him. "I'm, um, I'm really glad you wanted me to come."
Lance brings his mouth close to JC's ear. "I'm really glad you came. I meant what I said back in LA. I'd really like to see where this is going. But I don't want to pressure you. I, um, really care about you, Josh."
"I care about you too," JC says so softly that Lance has to strain to hear. "But I would understand if you didn't want to, you know, be with me."
"Hey, where is this coming from? Why would you think I don't want to be with you? Does this look like I don't want to be with you? You know I'm not into casual flings."
"I just, I don't know, keep thinking you could be with someone so much better than me. More experienced. Less scared."
"You don't think I was scared my first time? Heck, I was terrified. Everyone's scared their first time. That's normal."
"Yeah? Really?"
"Really. I'm not just saying that."
"You wouldn't, would you? I can trust you. I can really trust you."
"JC, you've known me for how long? If you can't trust me by now, you never can."
"I do. I'm just not used to . . . trusting anyone. Not like this."
"Since when?"
JC is glad Lance can't see his face. "Since . . . ever. I've been hiding all my life, Lance."
"Well, you don't have to hide anymore. Not from me."
JC clasps Lance's hand where it encircles his own waist. "Do you have any idea what that means to me?"
"I think I'm getting the idea." In fact, Lance is getting a very good idea. The twitching in his shorts is hard to hide, so he pulls back just a little, leaving a few inches between their bodies, but never loosening his grip around JC's waist.
"I . . . I think I'm falling in love with you."
Lance stiffens. That's the last thing he expected to hear and he doesn't know whether to pull JC to him or run from the room. He's so afraid of hurting his friend, of not living up to his romantic ideals. He presses his lips to JC's shoulder and then rests his head against the toned muscle. "Let's just take this slow, okay?"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
"No, hey, it's okay--it's just that . . . the first time . . . sometimes it's easy to get caught up in things. I don't want you to think that you have to . . . say anything." Good one, Bass. He just told you he's falling in love and you're gonna scare him off.
"I don't think I have to. But it's, um, how I feel."
"That's good. That's really good. Now close your eyes. We have a long day tomorrow." He kisses JC's neck once more, wanting to do so much more but knowing that right now he's going to give JC some time to get used to this.
"Yeah, tomorrow," JC murmurs drowsily. "Good night, Lance."
Lance smiles, content at the contact, at this warm body snuggled close after going so long without anyone to hold. He's too tired to be nervous about tomorrow, so as he drifts off to sleep he only has one thing on his mind.
*****
Lance is the first to awaken, which isn't any great surprise, so he uses the opportunity to slip out of bed and give JC some space. He showers quickly and looks over his script notes as he dresses, giving JC every last minute to sleep.
When JC awakens, he just lies there for a while, watching Lance through still-sleepy eyes. Lance is concentrating hard, worrying his lower lip, and JC finds that very, well, very sexy.
Lance lifts his eyes to the wall thinking hard about the scene they're going to shoot this morning. It isn't until minutes later that he realizes he's being watched. He moves over to the bed and sits on the edge. "Good morning. You better get up or we're gonna be late."
"Yeah, okay," JC says, but he doesn't move, except to stretch a little. "When are they picking us up?"
"Twenty minutes. We can grab breakfast when we get there."
"Then I guess I better shower." JC pushes the covers off and sits up, almost afraid to meet Lance's eyes, then meeting them full on.
"Yeah, um," and before Lance can stop himself he's pressing his lips against the full, sensuous lips of his new lover. Just as quickly, he pulls back, flustered, needing to concentrate only on the job he has to do today. Tonight-- tonight will be all for JC.
JC smiles shyly. "I should . . . " He scrambles out of bed and heads for the shower. Lance follows him with his eyes, wondering how this normally self-confident, musical genius could be so insecure sexually. As Lance gathers his things, he makes a silent vow to help change that.
*****
"And . . . cut!" Eric shouts, signaling the final take of the scene they're filming. Lance and Joey both burst out laughing, having held it in for too long. Lance claps JC on the back and rubs his hand over his shoulders. "That was great!"
JC grins. "Oh, yeah. Academy Award material."
"Better than Russell Crowe."
Eric approaches the boys, smiling. "You looked great," he says to JC, holding out his hand. JC shakes the proffered hand.
"Thanks. I had fun."
"You're better at taking direction than these two," Eric says, jerking his head at Lance and Joey with an affectionate smile that belies his words.
"Yeah, but he doesn't have my dashing good looks," retorts Joey, sticking his chin out and looking down his rather prominent nose.
"Well, go get your dashing good looks to wardrobe--we got another scene to shoot. JC, thanks for your time. I know you guys are busy but it was great having you here."
"Happy to do it," JC replies, but he's looking at Lance as he says it.
Lance bites his lip and looks down at the floor, hands in pockets. Eric grins. "Why don't you go grab something to eat--if you want, you can hang out and watch the rest of the shoot. Help me keep these guys in line and stuff."
Lance looks at JC, his eyes full of hope.
"Sure," JC says, both pleased and confused by the expression in Lance's eyes. "Years of experience dealing with these guys."
Relieved that JC decided to stay for the remainder of the day, Lance relaxes into his role, forgetting everything else but the job at hand. Hours pass without his being aware, so focused is he on the job that it's not until Eric announces they're wrapping for that he realizes how late it is.
"Dudes, I gotta run if I'm gonna catch my plane," Joey announces, quickly gathering his belongings. "I'll see you over the weekend, right?"
"Yeah, we'll be back home Friday night," Lance replies, giving his friend a quick hug.
"Good work today, man," Joey says to JC.
"Thanks, dude. You too. See ya, Joe."
Joey hustles out and Eric looks at the remaining boys. "What have you guys got planned for tonight?"
"Dinner somewhere," Lance offers casually. "Want to join us?"
"Nah, I gotta check out the dailies and work out the shots for tomorrow. You guys go ahead. And Lance, you're doing really well."
"Thanks," Lance replies humbly. "It's only cause you make me look good."
"Nah, you're a natural. Go on."
Lance gestures with his head. "Follow me. I just want to wash off this makeup."
JC follows Lance to his dressing room and takes his turn at the sink. He notices that he and Lance, through spending time together today, are getting back to the old rapport they had before IT happened. Well, mostly. There's an edge, an excitement that wasn't there before. He's sure now that no matter whatever else happens or doesn't happen, they're always going to be friends, and that's a very comfortable thought.
After drying his face, Lance turns to JC. "Wait, you missed a spot," he says seriously and then smashes the towel in JC's face.
"You are so dead, Bass." JC manages to untangle himself from the towel and lunges for Lance, tackling him.
"Hey, don't damage the actor!" Lance yelps as the tumble to the floor. Lance rolls them over and lands on top, pinning JC's hands. "Give up?"
"Me? Surrender? Nope. Not a chance." JC struggles against the gripping hands, weakened by laughter.
"Say it." Lance tightens his grip, trying his best not to laugh.
"What do I get if I surrender peacefully?"
Lance looks around quickly to make sure they're alone. "This," he growls, and captures JC's mouth.
"I give up," JC whispers when they separate.
Licking his lips, savoring JC's unique taste, Lance sits back flushed with excitement. "We better get going if we're gonna make our reservation."
JC bites his lip, looking up at Lance. It's a measure of just how much more comfortable he feels that he says, teasingly, "You made reservations? Is this that date you talked about taking me out on?"
Lance shrugs and looks down at the floor. "Yeah. I just didn't want you to think I was just . . . um . . . that this was just a . . . never mind."
JC keeps getting surprised when he's reminded that Lance has his moments of uncertainty, too. To bring the conversation to something less discomfiting, he says, "What would you have done if Eric had said 'Sure, I could go for a bite?' "
"Feigned illness? He's been staying late every night to watch dailies. I knew he wouldn't come." Lance rises and pulls JC up with him.
"You're so devious. And I mean that in a good way."
"Thanks. I think." Lance leads JC out of the dressing room and to the street, where a car is waiting. They drive a short distance to the CN Tower; as they get out, Lance instructs the driver to return at a designated time. On the main floor of the building, Lance gives his name to the hostess, who points them toward the elevator. A few tourists shoot them curious glances, but fortunately, at this time of night, there's no mob scene. In the elevator, JC turns to Lance. "This is great. I've never been up in the tower at night. Thank you."
"Never? Didn't we come up here the first time we were in Toronto?"
"Yeah, during the day. But I bet it's even cooler at night."
"It is. You can see everything." When the doors open and the maitre'd leads them to a private table by the windows, Lance shows JC exactly what he means.
"Wow," JC exclaims. "This is . . . beautiful. Amazing."
"Pretty cool, huh?" Lance orders drinks for them and watches JC as his friend gazes with amazement at the lights of Toronto.
"Very cool," JC turns from the dazzle of lights to gaze at the equally dazzling face opposite him.
Lance studies the menu, unable to meet the blue-gray eyes across the table. His leg bounces steadily, a channel for all his nervous energy. His fingers play on his lips; he tries hard not to bite his nails but it's not easy, knowing how much he wants to impress his date.
"Wow, everything looks really good. Remember when we thought gourmet cooking was like, pizza that didn't come from a chain?"
Lance looks up, startled. "It isn't?"
"Okay, maybe it is. But we have, um, expanded our horizons somewhat since then, right?" JC looks down at the menu again and grins. "Ooh, I know what I want."
"What?" Lance peers across the table, curious about what JC sees.
JC blushes, but since he started this, he has to point out the menu item that caught his eye. "Saffron scented orzo with tapenade crusted sea bass and parmesan rappini."
"You're ordering bass?"
"It's, um, what I want."
"What if you don't like it?"
"I know I will."
Lance can't hide his smile, so he focuses on the menu. He can feel the heat rising in his cheeks in anticipation of what he hopes will happen later that night.
JC looks down as well. He can't believe he's being so, well, flirtatious. He takes a sip of his drink and tries to concentrate on the menu.
They order without further incident, and as the evening wears on, Lance relaxes into the pleasant conversation he's so good at. And he's amazed to discover things about JC that he never knew, even after all this time. By the time their empty dishes are removed, Lance feels he and JC have reached a new level in their friendship.
JC blesses Lance's ability to keep a conversation going. By the time they've finished their appetizers and their first drinks, JC has forgotten about being nervous and is actually enjoying himself. He's still a little surprised and very gratified that Lance went to all this trouble for him.
There's a moment of quiet after dessert, and Lance looks out at the city. He points to a spot in the distance. "I think that's where we filmed a few days ago," he comments, needing to fill the silence.
"You really like this, don't you? The whole process."
"Yeah. I really do. I know I can't act, but it's fun. I love the way it all comes together."
JC watches Lance's face as he speaks, watches the light in his eyes. "Don't sell yourself short. You're better than you think."
Lance lowers his eyes, smiling shyly. "Nah. It's Eric. He's that good."
"He's good. But so are you. You, um, trust me, don't you?"
"Of course I trust you. If I can't trust you by now, who could I trust?"
"Well, then, believe me when I tell you you're good, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks. And . . . thanks for coming up and working around my schedule."
"I'm, um, I'm glad I could."
Lance has to fight the urge to reach out and hold JC's hand, but even in the relative seclusion of the restaurant he doesn't want to risk the exposure. "You ready to leave?"
JC nods, but his expression as he looks out over the shimmering city suggests he's not. But then he looks at Lance, and his expression changes. There's no longer the slightest hint of reluctance.
"We don't have to, you know. We can have some drinks or something."
"You trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?" JC asks with a sweet smile.
Flustered, Lance plays with his napkin. "Something like that."
"Smooth, very smooth."
"Okay, so I'm an open book. I should take lessons from Joey."
"No way. I like you just the way you are."
"I like you too. A lot."
JC bites his lip and slowly looks up at Lance, wanting to believe, longing to believe.
"Let's get out of here."
"Yeah. Good idea." JC, normally graceful in any situation, rises awkwardly.
Lance tries to keep a straight face. It's rare he catches his normally smooth band mate off-balance. Lance quickly pays the bill and walks next to JC in silence. Confident veneer aside, he's nervous. The first time just . . . happened. This time, he's planned it out. And he's terrified JC will get scared off.
A passing waiter jostles JC and his arm brushes Lance's. He pulls away as if burned, quickly apologizing. But part of him wishes it would happen again.
Startled by JC's reaction, Lance swallows, thinking this evening was a big mistake. He's rushing things; maybe JC has second thoughts. He curses to himself, knowing he's freaking out his friend. He moves away a few inches, giving JC some breathing space.
JC looks at the space between them, then at Lance's face and realizes that pulling away like that probably gave Lance the wrong idea. As they stand waiting by the elevator, JC edges a little closer. There's still enough distance for propriety's sake, but JC is sure Lance is aware exactly how much space there is between them and will sense his silent apology.
Lance chews his lip and glances over at the slightly taller boy. He's still not sure what's going on, but taking a chance, he nudges JC.
This time JC doesn't startle or pull away. He returns the light pressure very briefly, then they're stepping onto the elevator.
Fortunately, the elevator is empty except for the two boys and the elevator operator. Lance nudges JC again, keeping a straight face. Maybe it's the drinks he had with dinner, but right now, this little nudging game seems hysterically funny to JC. He holds in a giggle as he brushes Lance's arm once more. Lance continues to act perfectly serious as he nudges JC harder, causing him to bump against the wall. "The attendant's gonna yell at us," JC hisses through his somewhat goofy smile.
"If you can't behave yourself in public, JC, I'm just not gonna be able to be seen with you."
"Sorry. Elevators make me, um, weird."
Lance's mind goes elsewhere with that remark, but he knows now is not the time or place. They'll be at the hotel soon enough. As if in answer, the elevator stops and the boys find themselves at the base of the tower. Outside, Lance cranes his neck to take in its height. He gets a momentary wave of dizziness and staggers. "Whoa, this thing really is big."
Without even thinking, JC takes Lance's arm to steady him. "Yeah, it sure is. Look. You can see the glass floor."
"That's my favorite part." When Lance lowers his eyes he finds himself face to face with JC, those piercing blue eyes visible even in the darkness. He breathes in sharply, then says hurriedly, "The car must be around here somewhere."
"I think we've got a couple of minutes before you told him to be here."
"Oh. Yeah." Lance scratches his arm, looking around, shifting his weight from foot to foot, anything to keep his body occupied.
"That was, that was a great dinner. Thank you."
"I'm glad you liked it. I wanted this to be, like, a date. A real date."
"That's what it feels like."
"Then I guess I should do this." Before he can stop himself, Lance kisses JC, very lightly, on the lips.
"Do it again?"
Lance places both hands on JC's night-cooled cheeks and leans in, pressing his lips gently to JC's, wanting to do much, much more but knowing also that they'll have to wait till they get back to the hotel.
JC sways slightly when Lance steps back, like a sunflower turning to the sun. "That was nice," he breathes softly. "Really, really nice."
They're not even at the hotel and Lance can already feel a tightening in his groin. How could JC have been there all this time and he wasn't able to do this with him? As the car pulls up, Lance makes a silent promise to make up for lost time.
They climb into the back of the car, sitting together much more comfortably than they had done on the ride here. JC can still feel his lips tingling from the kisses they shared. It's a very pleasant sensation.
Lance fidgets with his hands in his lap to keep them from wandering onto JC's leg. He silently urges the driver to speed up, to get them to the hotel as fast as possible so he can be alone with his boyfriend. As if in answer, the car pulls up in front of the hotel and Lance breathes a sigh of relief. Then his nerves overtake him as he realizes he WILL be alone with JC within minutes. "Um, we don't have to go up right now if you don't want to. I mean, if you'd rather . . . "
"Rather? Did you, um, have something in mind?"
"No--unless you want to get a drink or something." Lance scratches his cheek, unsure of what to do. He doesn't want to take advantage of JC any more than he has, but he also wants very much to kiss him, to hold him.
"I, um, I. Let's just go up."
Lance puts a restraining hand on JC's arm. "Are you sure?"
"I want to be alone with you, not with whoever is hanging out in the bar."
What are we doing? Lance thinks, but his actions are the complete opposite of any doubt he's feeling. He leads JC into the hotel lobby, to the elevator, down the hall, and to their room. His hand shakes slightly as he slides the key into the lock, and when the door clicks open, his heart beats wildly.
Now that they're here, JC wonders if getting that drink might not have been a good idea. The idea of being alone with Lance sounded good, but actually being here is another thing entirely. He knows Lance will treat him well, and he does feel desire for him. He just hopes Lance doesn't think he's too forward . . . or too inexperienced. Lance throws his jacket on the bed and scratches his head. "Hey, you want a drink? Some wine, maybe?"
"Sure, yeah. That sounds good." JC hangs his own jacket on the back of the chair and settles into a corner of the couch, watching Lance as he opens the bottle and pours.
Normally, he's not nervous on a date. But for some reason, Lance feels like his every move is going to have some major impact. He carries the glasses over to the couch, hands one to JC, and sits on the opposite end. "To another successful album," he says, raising his glass.
"And a successful movie," JC adds as he brings their glasses together. As he sips his wine, their eyes meet over the rim of the glass, and JC manages not to look away, but holds Lance's gaze for a long, sweet moment.
Barely able to breathe, Lance takes a long drag of the dry, tart wine and swallows, fixated by the blue-gray eyes watching him. He shifts uncomfortably on the couch, inching closer but not yet touching the man he so strongly desires.
JC tries to think of something to say. He's nervous, and it's making him tongue tied. "Thank you for tonight," he finally manages. "I know you're totally busy, and I really appreciate you taking the time to make it special."
"I wanted it to be," Lance mumbles, staring at his glass. " I . . . we're both real busy, but that doesn't mean I don't want to . . . be with you." Lance inches even closer as he says, this, one arm stretched across the back of the couch.
"I was afraid you might have . . . changed your mind," JC says, in a small voice.
Lance looks up, trying to see JC's eyes. "Why would I do that?"
"I don't know, maybe I just thought that you being away would give you a chance to think about things. And that maybe you would start to think you'd made a mistake."
Lance puts down his glass and runs his fingers along his slightly bristled chin. He doesn't speak for a moment, choosing his words carefully. What JC said angers him a little--the idea that he would take this lightly is just so foreign to him he can't believe JC would think that of him. "JC, you really think I would just screw you and 'change my mind?' "
"No, no, it's not that I believe that about you, just that, well, I just still can't believe you'd actually be interested. I guess I think you deserve to be with someone amazing."
"But that's who I'm with right now." Lance turns to JC, stretching his arm across the back of the couch once again and placing his other hand on JC's cheek as he leans in slowly for one quiet, soft, sweet kiss.
"When you kiss me like that, I feel . . . I feel like I might actually be the person you seem to see."
"Then maybe I'll have to do it again to convince you." And that's exactly what he does. JC's lips are so soft and moist that Lance can't bear to keep himself off them. At first, he just barely touches them with his own hungry lips, but soon he's kissing them again and again, keeping his hand on JC's strong, defined cheek to steady himself.
JC is having trouble remembering his own doubts and insecurities. They seem to have been wiped away by the sensation of Lance's mouth on his. Yeah, Lance could probably do better. Okay, definitely. But he seems to want JC, and JC is certainly not going to object.
Lance is unaware of anything right now except the taste of JC's lips and the way he's feeling right now. The way his heart is pounding so hard he's afraid the entire hotel can hear it. The way every nerve in his body tingles with excitement. He pulls away, reluctantly, and rests his forehead against JC's, panting softly. "Does that convince you?"
"It makes me want to spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you."
"You won't have to waste your time," Lance says breathlessly, then kisses JC again, relishing the tangy wine-moistened lips. The kiss feels so wonderful that JC is emboldened to deepen it, venturing forth with his tongue shyly and feeling a jolt of electricity when their tongues touch and entwine.
At first, Lance is surprised that JC is so forthcoming, but he eagerly lets his friend set the pace, opening his mouth wider to allow JC's tongue to enter and explore at will.
JC is a little hesitant, but he remembers what felt good when Lance did it to him and tries to emulate it. He slips his arms around Lance's neck and hugs him even as he gives kiss after kiss.
Lance takes his cue and wraps his arms around JC's slender waist, pulling him just a little closer. The electricity between their bodies could power the entire state of California.
JC lets himself relax into Lance's embrace, feeling at home and suddenly hesitant no longer. One hand slides into Lance's soft, thick hair and draws Lance closer still.
As JC relaxes, so does Lance. Instead of pushing JC back against the couch and just ravaging him, Lance harnesses his energy and savors the kiss. In fact, he could kiss JC all night.
As they kiss and kiss some more, JC realizes he's never felt so cherished. He makes a sound that's somewhere between a sigh and a moan, and it ends up sounding like a purr as he leans closer. If he could crawl into Lance's lap, he would. And would stay there for a very long time.
When Lance hears the small noises coming from JC, he smiles. That he has this effect on his friend surprises him. JC, so confident, so well-liked--that he's here, in Lance's arms, KISSING him! As though he can hear JC's thoughts, he reaches under JC's body and scoops him up, lifting him into his lap. JC is suddenly aware of several things. One is how in control of their kiss he feels in this new position. Another is Lance's erection, pressing against his thigh. Yet another is his own arousal, not a quick excitement soon to be quenched, but a slow, building ache to be nurtured and just as slowly and deliciously fulfilled.
Lance cradles JC in his arms, one arm around his waist, the other supporting his legs. It's this hand that begins to caress JC's thigh, wandering higher and higher, until he realizes that JC must be able to feel his own arousal. He breaks the kiss, his face flushed, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry." He shifts JC in his lap, but no matter what he does he can't hide the growing bulge.
JC smiles dreamily. "Why are you sorry? I'm not the expert, but isn't that what's supposed to happen?"
"Yeah, but I don't want you to think we have to do anything more. We're kind of doing things backward."
JC looks down into Lance's gentle, concerned eyes. "I trust you, Lance. I trust you completely."
Lance fingers the hair away from JC's face. "I'll never do anything to hurt you."
"I believe you." JC turns his head so Lance's hand nestles against his face. "I'm so glad I waited for you."
"Me too. I can't tell you how much it means to me to be your first. I know how important that is. And I'm not going anywhere."
"That makes me feel so good. Safe. I never felt safe before."
Lance feels like crying. How could this incredible, kind, sweet man not feel safe? Who would want to hurt him? Lance tightens his hold. "You never have to worry with me. I want to take care of you."
"Maybe . . . " JC says with sweet hesitation. "Maybe we could take care of each other?"
Lance flashes a boyish grin, one minute feeling so in control, the next feeling like he's falling blindly. "Yeah, we could do that." He pulls JC down so his lips can touch that sweet, caring mouth. JC had expected to at least get a little used to this. But every time he and Lance touch, there's that jolt of electricity. He knows now that in spite of his fears and insecurities, that this--whatever it is he has with Lance--is the most precious things in his life.
Lance shifts once again, this time sliding JC off his lap and back onto the seat cushion, but turning so that he's now half laying on top of JC. He pauses to gaze down at his boyfriend--for he's now able to acknowledge that title--and gently caresses JC's cheek, his fingers playing lightly over JC's full, kiss-swollen lips.
JC manages to lie still, in opposition to the furious beating of his heart. He kisses Lance's fingertips as they move over his lips, and his eyes, darker than usual in the dim light, move over Lance's face like a caress.
As if independent of the rest of his body, Lance's hands move to the collar of JC's shirt, lightly touching the exposed skin, before traveling lower to the buttons, which they deftly pop open, one at a time, slowly, as Lance watches for any sign of discomfort from his older friend.
JC never takes his eyes from Lance's eyes, trust and love radiating from their depths.
Lance kisses JC's cheek as he continues to unwrap the present on his couch, and when his lips find JC's ear, he breathes hotly and nibbles lightly on the tasty earlobe, panting softly, "You're so hot."
JC blushes. "If I am, it's because you make me that way."
"It's all you, JC. All you." The shirt is now open, revealing a tight, white wifebeater, and Lance slips his hands under the shirt to caress the smooth skin underneath.
"All for you." JC sighs in pleasure at caresses. His eyelids flutter shut and his head falls back against the couch in response to Lance's strong, warm fingers.
Lance moves down JC's body, raising the shirt and replacing his hands with his lips. As his mouth surrounds one small, brown nipple, his hands unbuckle JC's belt and cup the growing bulge inside his pants.
JC freezes for a moment, but reminds himself that he wants this. That this is Lance, the person he wants to be with. As if to atone for his momentary lapse, he raises his hand to stroke Lance's hair encouragingly.
But the movement doesn't go unnoticed. Lance lifts his head and rests his chin on JC's stomach. "We can stop at any time. We don't have to do this. We can watch a movie, or talk, or play cards. It doesn't matter--I just want you to feel comfortable."
"I'm okay. This is all still new to me, you know? But it doesn't mean I don't like it."
"I know, but I don't want to rush it either. I know it's kind of weird being with a guy when you've never been with a guy before. Especially someone you know really well."
JC laughs. "I have nothing to compare it to, remember? But being with someone I know really well is the best part."
"Yeah?" Lance smiles shyly, feeling once again like this is a first date. Of course, the fact that JC's shirt is hanging open and his belt is undone reminds him that it's not. It also reminds him how much he desires his friend. Very quickly and playfully, he plants a kiss on JC's stomach.
"Yeah," JC says, giggling at the ticklish sensation. "Well, not just ANYONE I know really well."
Lance pecks JC again, this time on his navel.
"Anyone I know?"
"Very, very well," JC says, still giggling. "Are you supposed to be making me laugh?"
"No," replies Lance, in his most serious voice. "This is no laughing matter." Again, he dips down to kiss JC's firm abs.
"Then stop TICKLING me!" JC says, but his hand on Lance's head is caressing, encouraging.
"JC, if you can't take this seriously, I'm gonna have to stop," Lance warns, then pecks JC once, twice, three times in a row.
JC, by now weak with laughter, lounges bonelessly on the couch, helpless. Lance himself giggles as JC's body trembles with repressed laughter. While he has him thus relaxed, he slows down his pace and slides one hand up JC's leg, kneading the tight thigh muscle until he reaches the slight bulge at JC's crotch. Without stopping his kisses, he reaches inside the opening in JC's pants to lightly finger the trapped erection.
"Oh!" JC breathes, as the light touch sends a shiver through him. Lance's tongue flicks out and circles JC's soft navel, then dips in as his hand ventures inside JC's shorts and wraps around the stiff member. His tongue slides downward, following the thin trail of hairs inside JC's pants, but when he reaches JC's erection he pauses, licking his lips, before flicking his tongue out to taste the tip, moistened with the first drops of JC's precious fluid.
JC gasps at the incredible sensation of Lance's warm tongue against his already throbbing erection. "Lance . . . " he hisses, completely caught up in the new feeling.
Lance lifts his head and places a calming hand on JC's chest. "Shhh, just relax," he whispers, before taking JC in his mouth, just a little at a time, before plunging down its length.
This time the sound emitting from JC's throat is somewhere between a cry and a groan. Relax? While Lance is doing such wonderful things? Making him feel things he's never felt?
Lance is focused on one thing and one thing only: He's going to make JC feel great if it's the last thing he does. He's going to show him that what they're doing is so right he won't be able to imagine life without it. Working his tongue up and down the long shaft, Lance reaches the base and takes a moment to devote some attention to the soft sac below.
JC doesn't know what to do--he feels like he should be giving back some of the pleasure Lance is giving him, but how? Feeling woefully inadequate, he reaches out to caress Lance's hair.
The gentle touch encourages Lance more, so he increases his tempo on the now rock-hard erection. He wants to sing at the top of his lungs, knowing that JC is feeling what Lance has so desperately wanted to give him.
Instinct is telling JC to thrust, but he's very much afraid of hurting Lance. He struggles to hold still, gasping out his pleasure with every breath.
Lance grips JC's hips and moves them against the motion of his mouth, creating a rhythm never matched by any dance they've ever done. He takes JC in as far as his throat will allow, then releases him, pausing before plunging down again.
"Lance," JC whispers. "I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna . . . "
If Lance's mouth wasn't occupied, he'd be grinning from ear to ear. In response, he quickens his pace, elated that he can bring this incredibly sexy man to the brink.
JC can't hold back any longer and he explodes into Lance's mouth. His last conscious thought it that he hopes that Lance doesn't mind. Then he gives himself over completely to the pleasure.
Lance swallows quietly and releases JC, sitting back so he can watch his face. What he sees almost makes him want to cry. JC's face seems so at peace, so relaxed, that Lance is afraid to breathe for fear of disturbing the moment. Finally, after what seems like minutes pass. He brings his fingertips to JC forehead, stroking back the long damp strands of hair from his forehead.
JC's eyes open as Lance touches his face and smiles up at him. "That was . . . that was . . . incredible."
"That's just the beginning."
"Yeah? What else do you have in store for me?"
"Lots of things," Lance growls, before kissing JC's cheek. "But we have plenty of time. No rush, right?"
"Maybe a little rush. You didn't, um . . . "
"Um, what?"
"You know, um, come?"
"I can't believe you just said that."
JC blushes. "Well, it's true, isn't it?"
"Um, it's okay. Really. I'm fine."
"No, it's not."
Lance stretches out beside JC and caresses his cheek. "It doesn't always have to be that way. Sometimes, I just like to see you happy."
"Is that really enough?"
"Just being with you is enough."
JC sighs happily and runs his fingers through the thick, temporarily dark hair.
Lance smiles, letting JC explore at his own pace, content to just lay beside his new lover.
JC shifts a little on the couch. "Are you okay? It can't be very comfortable."
"Well, a cold shower can take care of that." Lance smiles shyly and turns his eyes upward. "Or . . . ," and he takes JC's hand and brings it to his crotch, where a tight, hot bulge has formed.
JC laughs. "I was talking about how we're scrunched up on this couch, but that too . . . " Still smiling, he rubs his hand over the taut fabric and the hardness beneath it.
Embarrassed about his presumptive gesture, Lance leaps off the couch and turns away nervously. "Oh, yeah, um--you want another drink or something?"
"No, no." JC sits up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I... Please don't be mad."
Lance spins around, frantic that he's ruined the moment. "I'm not mad--it's my fault. I shouldn't rush things." He reaches for his drink, gulping down the remainder of the glass.
JC rises and walks over to Lance, putting his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "Shh. It's okay. You didn't rush anything."
It's the touch that does it. Lance looks into JC's eyes, so full of sincerity, and sighs. "It's so strange trying to do everything backwards."
"There's nothing backwards about the way you make me feel."
"I didn't mean to make you think that we always have to, um . . . sometimes I just like making YOU feel good."
"Hey," JC says softly, squeezing Lance's shoulders. "Do you hear me complaining?"
Lance smiles and looks off to the side. "No."
"Lance, you promised me that you would stop if I ever asked you to, if I ever didn't like what we were doing. So if you don't hear me asking to stop, you can assume I like it, okay?"
"Okay." Lance turns his head back and gives JC the once-over. "You're a mess."
"I guess I am," JC admits, blushing.
Lance removes JC's hands from his shoulders, zips his pants, and fixes his shirt. "Better."
"Am I presentable now?"
"Very. 'Course, I think I like you better naked."
JC blushes to a deeper shade, but manages "Then why are you dressing me?"
"I was just kidding. Well, not really." Lance has to fight the urge to rip off JC's clothes and throw him on the bed.
"Slow down. You're confusing me."
"I'm confusing me. How about that other drink?"
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."
Glad to be able to busy himself with something, Lance pours two more glasses of wine and kicks off his shoes.
JC accepts the glass and settles back onto the couch, trying to relax. It's difficult, though, with his nerve endings all still humming.
"I'm really glad you came," Lance says, breaking the silence. "Oh my goodness, I mean, I'm glad you came to Toronto."
"Me, too. I was so scared that you were going to think about this and decide you'd made a mistake. I should have known better."
"You should always know that I would never have a casual fling, especially not with someone I'm close to."
"I DO know that, but there's a difference between having a fling and having second thoughts."
"That won't happen. I really care about you, JC. I wish we could spend more time alone together, but with our schedules, I'll take what I can get."
"Yeah, me too." JC shifts on the couch so he can lay his head on Lance's shoulder.
Lance throws his arm around JC. "And it's good that we're bandmates--we'll get to see other more than most people, and we already know each other so well."
"You sure you're not going to get sick of me?" JC says, teasingly.
"If I haven't by now, it's not gonna happen," Lance giggles, kissing JC lightly on the side of his head.
"Good," JC says, suddenly serious.
Lance fingers JC's hair. "Hey, I almost forgot--Johnny said he's sending the video we did for the Janet special up here. We should have it by tomorrow."
JC smiles dreamily. "Kind of like a secret little record of when we started."
"Hey, you're right. That's where this all began. You looked so hot that day."
"Nah, YOU looked so hot."
"I'm not the one with the sexy hair." To emphasize, Lance tousles JC's long locks.
"I'm not the one with the perfect lips," JC replies, reaching up to kiss those lips.
Lance smiles into the kiss, knowing there's no way to win this game, not caring if he does. Because the fun is in the playing. "If I do, they're all for you." And to prove it, he kisses JC back.
Their kisses are made awkward by their smiles, but they're also made sweeter. "All for me?" JC asks. "So I can do this?" And he takes the full lower lip between his and runs his tongue lightly over it. "And this?" And he traces the more delicate upper lip even more lightly.
Lance practically melts into the sofa cushion. "Babe, you can do anything you want."
JC gazes at Lance with languorous eyes. "Anything?"
Lance returns the gaze with his own lust-clouded eyes. "Anything."
"Good," JC says, then yawns. He blushes. "Sorry, I guess it's been a long day."
Shaking his head and smiling, Lance touches his forehead to JC's. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed." Lance pulls JC to his feet, gets him undressed, and the two get ready for bed. It's as though they've lived together for years, so familiar are they with each other's routines that they don't even have to think about it. Yet something's different. As Lance climbs into the large bed next to his boyfriend, it hits him--his boyfriend. They're no longer just friends. It's more than Lance could ever have hoped for. He wraps his arms around JC and squeezes tight. "I--good night."
"What?" JC asks drowsily. "What were you going to say?"
"I'm really glad you came."
But JC is already asleep, safe and content in Lance's arms.