24/7
by Karen and LB
© 2002
Inspired by the giant bulge in Lance's pant on Total Access 24/7.
"Josh, just because it's a VOICE-OVER doesn't mean no one's gonna see."
"I just can't help it. And I didn't see you exactly fighting me."
"I could barely stand up, you think I could fight you? Besides, there were cameras everywhere."
"There's only one solution. You've got to stop being so hot. That's all there is to it."
"Josh! It's not my fault. YOU'RE the one who gave me a chubby."
"Yeah, but if you didn't manage to be hotter every day than you were the day before, maybe I'd be able to keep my hands off of you."
"Stop. I am not. You're just a pervert."
"I'm a pervert because I think you're hot?
"I feel like a sex object."
"Aw, Lance. You know that's SO not what you are to me."
"Why do you think I wear baggy pants all the time?"
"I thought you liked them."
"I do. Because there's a lot of room to...breathe."
"And you need room for that big...nose."
"Gee, thanks. I never realized my nose was so big."
"Hey, it was your metaphor."
"It wasn't a metaphor. If I wore tight pants and you looked at me the way you looked at me today, there'd be a lot more for those cameras to report on than the Simpsons."
"So, what do you want me to do? Not look at you when you're looking all adorable?"
"Tomorrow I'm going to wear a potato sack."
"That could be very sexy. Bare legs, bare arms..."
"No one looks sexy in a potato sack."
"To someone who loves them, they could."
"Okay, then I'm wearing one of Joey's furry shirts tomorrow."
"I'd even love you in that, scary as that might be."
"I'm not going to win this one, am I?"
"Depends on what you mean by winning. Are you going to convince me that you're not completely hot, no matter what you wear? Nope. But will I try not get you, um, excited before we do an appearance, yes. It won't be easy, but I'll try to keep my hands off of you."
"Josh, sometimes you can just look at me and I'm done."
"I-I'm not even supposed to look at you now? Lance, you might as well ask me not to breathe."
"I'm not saying that, Josh. I love when you look at me. That's the problem. You look at me, I get all horny, and you know what happens next."
"So what are we gonna do about this?"
"I don't know, Josh. Screw before every appearance?"
"Well, it would be a sacrifice, but if it's for the greater good..."
"For the sake of the kids. You know, these are family shows."
"It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it."
"It's only dirty 'cause you have a dirty mind."
"I have a dirty mind? You were the one with the giant bulge in your pants."
"I wouldn't have had it if you didn't have such a dirty mind!"
"All I did was look at you. You took it from there."
"Actually, HE took it from there."
"Well, why don't we take it out of here. Back to our room?"
"Better there than here. Way too many cameras around here. For a voiceover."
"And close with a matrix."